The woman at the office.

SarahandherCat

baby_lemonade wrote: »

You know, you can always just ask me would I mind removing your post, and I would have done. Instead of flailing around making accusations and playing the hard-done-by.

Maybe you should be more careful what you write on a public internet forum if you don't want people to read it? Anybody, anywhere in the world can see what's written on this website. Not aimed at you necessarily, but it is amazing the level of detail people write about themselves on here!

I'm not saying I want to delete it, I'm just saying it's wrong you've come on this thread to offer no advice - make random comments about finding out who I am - and quote my post purely so I can't delete it.

This is why I'm posting on a side account because of people who do things like this.

Again, thread is getting derailed but I suppose that's part and parcel.

Guest101

Judi wrote: »

Thats a very selfish way of looking at things.

In what way?


Being upset, being offended, being angry - all choices


I'm not responsible for how you feel, You are. This feeling victimised all the time is frankly ludicrous.


Take ownership of your mind, body and soul.

SarahandherCat

Primrose wrote: »

It sounds as if your husband may have taken things a little too far without possibly realising the implications of where it could eventually lead, or the effect it was having on you.


You are both still young. Everybody make mistakes and his was perhaps not realising where the office relationship boundaries were, taking into account his perhaps flirty personality.


I suggest you have a very serious and honest conversation about this. You will have to admit your feelings of insecurity and the effect this has had on you. You may also have to accept that he may always be of a slightly "over friendly" nature where attractive females are concerned. If your husband genuinely loves you he will need to learn from this lesson and move on. You need to have trust in a marriage. . He may well have scared himself at the thought of losing his marriage having pushed it to the edge. Give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and try to put the episode behind you.


Easy though it may be able to do, you cannot punish somebody for ever for a behavioural mistake. It will only fester and erode trust. give him the chance to show he's learned a lesson.

Thank you x

baby_lemonade

SarahandherCat wrote: »

This is why I'm posting on a side account because of people who do things like this.

stop playing the victim..

There are no end of wind-up threads on here, all entertaining, no problem, but it's always a good idea to quote someone, so there are no misunderstandings..

Angry_Bear

Guest101 wrote: »

Here's a number of reasons:
1: Knowing someone is attracted to you boosts ego, releasing hormones which elevate mood.
2: Flirting can bring you closer to the person you are with, by reminding you of the honeymoon period.
3: Flirting builds better friendships between people who are otherwise attracted, it gets the elephant out of the room so to speak.

Hmm, it depends on the people involved and their partners to me. And I think there are different levels of "flirting" ("nice buns" in a bakery would be funny and fine for me but could still be classed as flirting, but personal compliments out of hearing of other people and arm stroking etc would still be flirting but would seem like it's crossed the line).
Basically, (for me) if YOU think the flirting your doing is giving the person you're flirting with the impression that you would be happy to take it further, then it's not okay. It's disrespectful to your partner and to the person you're flirting with.

I agree that you can't be responsible for how other people feel, but if you never even consider it then you're probably a sociopath!

itsanne

Guest101 wrote: »

No, everyone is responsible for their own feelings not those of others.

I couldn't disagree more and can't imagine that being a helpful approach to any relationship.

Guest101

itsanne wrote: »

I couldn't disagree more and can't imagine that being a helpful approach to any relationship.

So who is responsible for your feelings?

itsanne

SarahandherCat wrote: »

I posted on a side account because I knew people would be going through my past posts not just now - but in future if I post something that someone disagreees with.

This is not directed at you in particular, more of a general observation triggered by you posting under a different name, but I can never understand why anyone starts off by saying they are a long term poster but ..........

If they are concerned that people will assume they are not genuine it would be very easy to resolve the doubts if challenged (and the challenge bothered them). Unless the topic posted could be viewed as inflammatory (yours is not), no one would have any reason to query it anyway.



Sorry for the digression - it's something that has occurred to me on numerous occasions.

Alice_Walker

SarahandherCat wrote: »

He admitted she seems like the sort of woman that is just out for a bit of fun and wants to sleep around.

This comment riled me, it's not a nice thing to say about a woman. Why would he be flirting with a woman with such low standards? I doubt she is anything of the sort, but he said it to deflect the blame from himself.

Some counsellors do offer reduced rates for those that cannot afford it otherwise. Also you should be able to access services through the NHS, you can usually self refer, although there may be a long waiting list. It does sound like you need someone to talk to.

gabriel1980

Wait, what's he done wrong? So he's flirting with some girls at the office, big deal! He's apparently not done anything with them, it would be abnormal not to be sexually attracted to a pretty woman, however, I think he probably has done something with the one that came on to him - it would nigh on impossible not to.