The woman at the office.

pickledonionspaceraider

74jax wrote: »

There's times when we want something (an upgrade for eg) or to complain about something and we joke if it's a girl he'll do it and flirt and if it's a bloke I'll do and flirt. It's just banter between us.



.

I find this really surprising if I am honest - that anyone would flirt, to get an upgrade or anything else that they want.. whilst their partner looks on.


I am not picking fault though, you are honest about it and hide nothing from your OH which , as long as you are both happy is all that matters

hazyjo

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I find this really surprising if I am honest - that anyone would flirt, to get an upgrade or anything else that they want.. whilst their partner looks on.


I am not picking fault though, you are honest about it and hide nothing from your OH which , as long as you are both happy is all that matters

I think I would flirt a bit too... maybe not 'flirt' but more 'use my womanly charms'! I'm really not very PC, I know!


If I don't want to do something, I've done it at work. I hate holepunching massive docs so have been known to go into the post room and say 'I need someone big and strong to do all this for me' - except they usually laugh and see right through me (knowing I'm trying a bit of flattery and pitching it at their male egos in order to get them to do it for me).


My OH says I do this annoying pathetic girlie voice when I want him to do something - I really wasn't even aware that I did! I'm not that pathetic, I'm really quite capable, but I now hear it when I do it. I also do it with my best mate here (IT bloke) if say the toner needs replacing. I'll ring him and go 'awww can you do it cos I'll just mess it up or get ink all over me' (yes, probably in a pathetic voice). He always does so he can come for a chat anyway.


My OH would be the one going 'you go ask for a discount, flash yer t**s at him'. Not literally lol! But he prob would say it and def wouldn't mind if I threw a few flirty eyes when saying 'can you do any better...'. I wouldn't let him flirt though. Yes, I am completely in the wrong, not PC, and don't it's one rule for one and one for another.


Jx

Detroit

Guest101 wrote: »

I don't think threats are ever helpful in a relationship. It put partners on an unlevel playing field.


To be honest, I see it like this:


The OP obviously has some self confidence issues (as she has stated), which means that her partner is often asked about what he or she is doing, who's there etc etc.


Now this isn't healthy, because her partner faces a choice of:


Be honest and be told off
Or lie


Now I know people will say 'if you need to lie about it, you shouldn't do it', but if the OP is unreasonable (I don't know, but it's possible) about who her partner socialises with, when there is nothing going on, then I can understand his position.


If constantly faced with questions about his actions and showing total lack of trust in his ethics and morals, he's going pull away from the relationship

I disagree that the OPs partner has only the two choices you suggest above.
Where someone asks you not to do something there are always three choices: defy, lie or comply.
I don't see why the third should not be considered here.

I agree the OP may have given mixed messages about her partners flirting, but also understand her making a distinction between flirting with women he is not attracted to, where neither party takes it seriously, and his behaviour with this woman, where both considered taking it further.
I believe she's within her rights to say it's ok if it's joke, but not if there is attraction.

As for the propriety of what you term 'threats' and i termed 'making aware of consequences' (tomayto/tomato) I think there is a place for this in a relationship.

If there is behaviour on the part of a partner that could lead to one terminating the relationship, it is only fair the partner is aware of this.
They can then decide on their future behaviour, in full knowledge of the risks.

Guest101

Detroit wrote: »

I disagree that the OPs partner has only the two choices you suggest above.
Where someone asks you not to do something there are always three choices: defy, lie or comply.
I don't see why the third should not be considered here.

I agree the OP may have given mixed messages about her partners flirting, but also understand her making a distinction between flirting with women he is not attracted to, where neither party takes it seriously, and his behaviour with this woman, where both considered taking it further.
I believe she's within her rights to say it's ok if it's joke, but not if there is attraction.

As for the propriety of what you term 'threats' and i termed 'making aware of consequences' (tomayto/tomato) I think there is a place for this in a relationship.

If there is behaviour on the part of a partner that could lead to one terminating the relationship, it is only fair the partner is aware of this.
They can then decide on their future behaviour, in full knowledge of the risks.

U raise some excellent points

Detroit

Guest101 wrote: »

U raise some excellent points

Thank you.

FBaby

I agree with you Detroit. Some people are naturally seductive, that doesn't mean they are not fully committed people. I love being seductive, it's just in my nature. It started with my teachers in primary school and then all the way through my studying. I do it with my bosses (men or women) and the person I am most successful with currently is certainly my MIL!

I am however also a totally committed person. I have never considered cheating on any of my relationship, even when things were bad. When I faced an issue, I tackle it, don't look elsewhere for a better deal. My OH knows that and has never expressed any sense of insecurity.

I do however understand OP's issue because the line was overstepped. That line is when you start having thoughts and intentions about someone else that should be solely dedicated to your partner.

Detroit

FBaby wrote: »

I agree with you Detroit. Some people are naturally seductive, that doesn't mean they are not fully committed people. I love being seductive, it's just in my nature. It started with my teachers in primary school and then all the way through my studying. I do it with my bosses (men or women) and the person I am most successful with currently is certainly my MIL!

I am however also a totally committed person. I have never considered cheating on any of my relationship, even when things were bad. When I faced an issue, I tackle it, don't look elsewhere for a better deal. My OH knows that and has never expressed any sense of insecurity.

I do however understand OP's issue because the line was overstepped. That line is when you start having thoughts and intentions about someone else that should be solely dedicated to your partner.

FBaby, you are talking about what I would refer to as charm.

I see this as a way of behaving that conveys warmth and positively towards another, usually resulting in the recipient feeling good about themselves; as though they are interesting, amusing and attractive (not necessarily physically) to you.

Provided it is comes across as genuine, charm is a very useful behaviour in building positive relationships with others.
As you say, some people have a natural ability to use it, others cultivate it within themselves for its positive benefits.

I agree with you that it can exist quite outside of intimate relationships.

Lily-Rose_3

FBaby wrote: »

I agree with you Detroit. Some people are naturally seductive, that doesn't mean they are not fully committed people. I love being seductive, it's just in my nature. It started with my teachers in primary school and then all the way through my studying. I do it with my bosses (men or women) and the person I am most successful with currently is certainly my MIL!

I am however also a totally committed person. I have never considered cheating on any of my relationship, even when things were bad. When I faced an issue, I tackle it, don't look elsewhere for a better deal. My OH knows that and has never expressed any sense of insecurity.

I do however understand OP's issue because the line was overstepped. That line is when you start having thoughts and intentions about someone else that should be solely dedicated to your partner.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek:


You were seductive with your teachers in PRIMARY school? And now you do it with your MIL, and your bosses.

Do you know the actual meaning of the word seductive?

Serious question.

Google 'seductive' and then PLEASE tell us you thought it meant something else! :eek:

Top_Girl

I think beguiling might be more appropriate than seductive here.

I am the same, I have one of those innocent faces and smiles that makes it very difficult not to agree with me, whether I'm saying something people like or not. I use it carefully :rotfl: