The woman at the office.

jamiehelsinki

Personally I think serious flirting when your in a relationship is wrong.

I'm probably in the minority these days though, the days of trust are long gone.

itsanne

Guest101 wrote: »

I think you've missed my point. I'm saying it's NOT your fault if he's angry, happy, sad, whatever.

I've not quoted the rest as it's really a separate (interesting philosophical) discussion from the thread's topic.


I knew what you meant. However, it's also possible that it could be my fault, which is where we disagree. Suppose I'd said I'd renew the house insurance but forgot and then we had a major fire and lost everything? ..........


I think you are out of step with what most people are saying in that you seem to be equating "responsible for" with "fault", whereas the rest of us are simply acknowledging that people's actions have an effect - positive, negative or neutral - on others.

Guest101

itsanne wrote: »

I've not quoted the rest as it's really a separate (interesting philosophical) discussion from the thread's topic. - It is interesting, and it's my opinion, it's not a factual debate as such.


I knew what you meant. However, it's also possible that it could be my fault, which is where we disagree. Suppose I'd said I'd renew the house insurance but forgot and then we had a major fire and lost everything? .......... - If your partner was to get angry, would that be your fault? I mean sure it's your fault insurers aren't paying out, but is there any benefit in getting angry?


I think you are out of step with what most people are saying in that you seem to be equating "responsible for" with "fault", whereas the rest of us are simply acknowledging that people's actions have an effect - positive, negative or neutral - on others.

Obviously not everyone thinks as I do (how scary would that be?!)


I'm saying that passing the blame on to others for how you feel is cop out to me.


I go back to my favourite line: I'm offended by that.


So? Carry on being offended then. It's absolutely meaningless. There's no universal right to 'not be offended', or not be upset, or whatever.

Guest101

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I think the OP has just had her confidence shaken, that's all.

She's very young, probably a bit romantic as we often are, was buying into the whole soulmates idea ... and has suddenly been brought down to earth with a bump when her husband has revealed he's human with the usual failings.

It's always hard when reality hits you and it makes you question more than the hated act itself.
You start doubting your whole world and if the past really was how you perceived it at the time.
It makes the whole thing seem like a house of cards ready to collapse when really it's just the one sorry thing.

A fair point.


I think it's common to place our partners above even our own standards and can be a bit of a shock when they don't meet them.

toniq

Sarah the warning bell that rings to me from your post, why did he tell you she was coming onto him and he was sexually attracted to her?

To me that comes across as he is worming his way out of something.

If he admits being sexually attracted to her and she came onto him, how do you know it didn't go further?

Him saying he is sexually attracted and her coming on strong and him not stopping it would generally at least result in a snog.

He needs to stop this flirting lark, he is a married man and appreciate the life he has at home that he could lose over a 5 minute fumble.

Sorry you are going through this, I can imagine it is tearing you up inside.

Be strong, whatever happens you will be okay, people do come back from this type of stuff.

We all want the perfect home life but don't aim for it at the expense of your sanity.
x

toniq

Guest101 wrote: »

A fair point.


I think it's common to place our partners above even our own standards and can be a bit of a shock when they don't meet them.

^ ^ This with bells on!

pickledonionspaceraider

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

:eek:
In short, he's admitted to flirting and not shutting her down, nothing has happened (yet) and your mind has already progessed to seperation and/or divorce?
Innocent till proven guilty surely.
Is it actually advice your after or really more that you've made your mind up want your feelings endorsed?:(
I'm not saying its not horrible, i mean who would want to hear that , however your mind is now doing its own script writing and that could be a fatal move.:o

OP I think you should read the above and digest it. Get some prospective on the situation, then read the above and digest it once more.

He hasn't done anything. Stop talking about splitting up and realise what these threats of splitting up may be doing to your OH.

It may appear that you were waiting for him to step a foot out of place before you canned him...as it is all so meladramatic- you flirted with someone, therefore I will split up the family.

Sorry OP I honestly don't mean to sound mean I'm just trying to stop you making a rash descision here, you have kids with the dude.

If it were me, I would be miffed, but there is no way I would can my man over it and I wouldn't even mention it (to him) ever again as he wont be honest with you if he thinks hes gona get whipped with it . I would probably have a right old moan to my girl friends about it , and then move on.

When_the_going_gets_tough

If you are seriously considering separating your small children from one of their parents - and even the best shared care is pretty tough for children then both you and your husband need to find the money for some serious counselling for both of you for as long as it takes. The costs of divorce are massive both financial and emotional don't under estimate them. You owe it to your children to give your marriage the very best chance that you can. Maybe some serious budgeting is in order to afford this. Just my PoV.

Marvel1

baby_lemonade wrote: »

More to the point she's plastering it all over the internet!

To be fair this is better as they are annoymous unlike when people do it on Facebook.

dirty_magic

Haven't read the whole thread but why on earth is he telling you all this? He flirted a bit at work, she took it seriously an came on to him, he said he wasn't interested... He hasn't cheated so why has he told you anything in the first place?