The woman at the office.

Guest101

dirty_magic wrote: »

Haven't read the whole thread but why on earth is he telling you all this? He flirted a bit at work, she took it seriously an came on to him, he said he wasn't interested... He hasn't cheated so why has he told you anything in the first place?

My understanding is the OP quizzes her husband regularly

SarahandherCat

Thanks for everyones advice and comments, just a little update we are just going to see how we go.

I will think about the councilling but I think some have hit the nail on the head, I'm young and this has shaken me up and right now I'm at a really low point - but that's not to say in a week things might be different as it's still fresh. I promise if I need help I'll go, but I want to give myself time to see how I/we get on.

He admitted last night that if I hadn't found out when he did he wasn't sure what would have happened with her, which caused another row but agreed to just give it time. I guess this was the under lining reason as whilst a lot of people have just said he's just flirting, it was the intention behind it that was the issue and wasn't just her coming onto him but both ways.

I know he wasn't thinking about the bigger picture but I'd like to think he is now and realises what he would have lost if he had gone through with it, I guess it's just wanting to have his cake and eat it to as they say.

Not really sure there is much more to say from myself as it's just a matter of time - so pretty sure I won't be back to update.

Just want to thank everyone who took the time to help.

Izadora

I'm not condoning his actions at all but, as you've said you're both young and have two small children, is it possible that it wouldn't actually have gone anywhere but he just enjoyed having the fantasy of a different life?

That's not saying that he doesn't love you and your children, just that life with two small children can be very samey and what started as a bit of harmless escapism went too far.

Guest101

SarahandherCat wrote: »

Thanks for everyones advice and comments, just a little update we are just going to see how we go.

I will think about the councilling but I think some have hit the nail on the head, I'm young and this has shaken me up and right now I'm at a really low point - but that's not to say in a week things might be different as it's still fresh. I promise if I need help I'll go, but I want to give myself time to see how I/we get on.

He admitted last night that if I hadn't found out when he did he wasn't sure what would have happened with her, which caused another row but agreed to just give it time. - Why was it brought up again? Did you bring it up? I guess this was the under lining reason as whilst a lot of people have just said he's just flirting, it was the intention behind it that was the issue and wasn't just her coming onto him but both ways. - You know that people will often confess to almost anything if questioned long enough about it.

I know he wasn't thinking about the bigger picture but I'd like to think he is now and realises what he would have lost if he had gone through with it, I guess it's just wanting to have his cake and eat it to as they say. - Look you can think of it anyway you like, and you'll have plenty of people agreeing with you. I suspect we wanted to flirt with this woman, because she's attractive and she showed interest in him, but more importantly because she wasn't giving him a hard time. Even now you're their telling him what he'd lose if he cheated, why not give him a positive reason? Why not put the effort in to keep him interested in you, instead of questioning him every day.

Not really sure there is much more to say from myself as it's just a matter of time - so pretty sure I won't be back to update.

Just want to thank everyone who took the time to help.

You want this to work?


Stop treating him like a naughty child and treat him like your husband.


Men don't cheat if they're happy at home.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Guest101 wrote: »

Men don't cheat if they're happy at home.

People cheat for all sorts of reasons; it's a bit low to say that every time it's the fault of the other partner.

Guest101

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

People cheat for all sorts of reasons; it's a bit low to say that every time it's the fault of the other partner.

I'm not saying every time it's the partners fault, some people might just be unhappy no matter the situation.


As I've said before people are responsible for their own feelings.


But deliberately pushing away the person you claim you love is guaranteed one result, They'll go elsewhere.

Alice_Walker

SarahandherCat wrote: »

Thanks for everyones advice and comments, just a little update we are just going to see how we go.

I will think about the councilling but I think some have hit the nail on the head, I'm young and this has shaken me up and right now I'm at a really low point - but that's not to say in a week things might be different as it's still fresh. I promise if I need help I'll go, but I want to give myself time to see how I/we get on.

He admitted last night that if I hadn't found out when he did he wasn't sure what would have happened with her, which caused another row but agreed to just give it time. I guess this was the under lining reason as whilst a lot of people have just said he's just flirting, it was the intention behind it that was the issue and wasn't just her coming onto him but both ways.

I know he wasn't thinking about the bigger picture but I'd like to think he is now and realises what he would have lost if he had gone through with it, I guess it's just wanting to have his cake and eat it to as they say.

Not really sure there is much more to say from myself as it's just a matter of time - so pretty sure I won't be back to update.

Just want to thank everyone who took the time to help.

I hope things work out for you OP, one way or another. It's a shame your thread was taken over by another poster

Caroline_a

When trust is lost it is a natural reaction to question everything the other person says or does. It's a horrible situation for the OP to be in, and I hope that she and her partner can move forward from this, but it will take a long time for trust to be re-established. The onus is now on him to make her feel loved and special, rather than her to 'man up' as seems to have been said in a few posts.

Guest101

Caroline_a wrote: »

When trust is lost it is a natural reaction to question everything the other person says or does. It's a horrible situation for the OP to be in, and I hope that she and her partner can move forward from this, but it will take a long time for trust to be re-established. The onus is now on him to make her feel loved and special, rather than her to 'man up' as seems to have been said in a few posts.

The onus is on both of them to make this work.


If the onus is on him and he's putting in all the effort whilst she continues to question him, this relationship will end, explosively.


And similarly if the onus is solely on her, and he feels too pressured and unable to breath, this relationship will end, explosively.

NotBothered

I was in the same sort of situation a while back. I was getting attention from a man in the office and was extremely flattered. I didnt even fancy him, but I enjoyed the attention.

When he sent a suggestive email I realised that I was sending out all the wrong signals and sent one back immediately saying that I was sorry if I had given the wrong impression, I was very flattered but I was in fact very happily married.

I have to admit to always wondering what it would have been like to "go there", I dont know why, maybe the excitement? But the sensible side of me always won through with the thought that a few minutes of excitement and attention was so not worth risking everything I have and truly love at home.

I was in no way missing anything in my home life. I was and still am very, very happily married to the most wonderful man, but it didnt stop that little flicker of excitement that got ignited for a short while.