Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

AylesburyDuck

Kim_kim wrote: »

Wexford is not nor has ever been a wild part of Ireland. It's nearest equivalent is Surrey or Kent is to England, it's part of the mild & populas south east of Ireland. The most modern & least rural part.

My mother was born in 1936 (my grandmother in 1898) in Connacht (now that is the wild & rural part of Ireland), but everyone always had a plate of food & did not eat the scraps left by the men. I'll admit men tended to get the bigger & better cuts, but I've never come across women eating the scraps left behind. I think you have been told a tall tale.

I just took it as a turn of phrase and not litterally. :eek:

Edit,
I've been know to say i live in the wilds of Aylesbury.
I mean frankly the Chavs are getting out of control, but its hardly wild.

Andypandyboy

lulu_92 wrote: »

So what I am asking is unreasonable to you? That I should dedicate the only free time I get with OH and our kids to everyone else to do with as they please? I'm sorry but even the most family oriented people need some space and I'm asking for an occasional weekend. I don't understand how I can compromise any more. I have offered week visits but it is not good enough.

For your OH too it appears.

I don't think it is unreasonable, but it has to be a joint thing. Bluntly, why should what you want take precedence over what he wants? You need to find a way that suits both of you.

Additionally, to be frank, other threads ( baby shower, holidays etc) do lead me to believe that you have at least been partly responsible for some of the issues you have with his mother. That may be how your OH sees it too. That you favour your own parents over his and so he will not help you to do that.

Izadora

lulu_92 wrote: »

So what I am asking is unreasonable to you?

Not at all but I didn't read missb's post as though she thought it was, just that we're only seeing the difficulties from your POV and if your MIL (or 'MOL', as I refer to my mother-out-law) were to put forward her feelings about the same situation she would come across very differently.

lulu_92

Andypandyboy wrote: »

For your OH too it appears.

I don't think it is unreasonable, but it has to be a joint thing. Bluntly, why should what you want take precedence over what he wants? You need to find a way that suits both of you.

Additionally, to be frank, other threads ( baby shower, holidays etc) do lead me to believe that you have at least been partly responsible for some of the issues you have with his mother. That may be how your OH sees it too. That you favour your own parents over his and so he will not help you to do that.

Totally appreciate that. I'm not a saint at all.

Of course I'm going to prefer my parents to his, but my parents are quite chilled out, but my OH is fine about calling them out if he doesn't like it (stepdad offered to take us all on holiday next year, so it'd be free for us, and OH was actively against this so we're not going). My parents leave us to it but are there if we need them.

AylesburyDuck

Pointing out the obvious, we can only ever work on the OP's point of view, thats all were going to get, anything else is just supposition.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm trying to sort out everything I'd need to go and stay at my mum's for a while, and getting it all over there.

I think you should be clear in your own head what you hope to achieve by taking your girls to stay with your Mum.

It might just be a little respite from a situation that's becoming intolerable (and I'm beginning to wonder if baring your heart on a public forum isn't making the situation worse for you) or to try to show your OH that he needs to step up or for a myriad of reasons.
But I would imagine if your partner gets home to find his house empty, he's going to want to know what's going on and you should be ready to talk to him about it - and talk calmly (I wouldn't mention marriage).

Maybe this could be the thing that actually gets him talking to you as he doesn't seem to want to interact with you when you start to tell him what you think is wrong.

Have you discussed your situation with your Mum and sister?
What do they think about how your partner and his family are treating you?

Andypandyboy

lulu_92 wrote: »

Totally appreciate that. I'm not a saint at all.

Of course I'm going to prefer my parents to his, but my parents are quite chilled out, but my OH is fine about calling them out if he doesn't like it (stepdad offered to take us all on holiday next year, so it'd be free for us, and OH was actively against this so we're not going). My parents leave us to it but are there if we need them.

On the face of it that seems odd....

A reflection of his perception of how you would/have reacted to a similar suggestion from his side?

lulu_92

Andypandyboy wrote: »

On the face of it that seems odd....

A reflection of his perception of how you would/have reacted to a similar suggestion from his side?

I might have said no because I've been on holiday with them before and it was unpleasant. We have never been on holiday with my parents. To be fair my stance since that conversation is we no longer go on holiday with parents on either side.

missbiggles1

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Pointing out the obvious, we can only ever work on the OP's point of view, thats all were going to get, anything else is just supposition.

Some of us like to try to see as many points of view as possible, not just the one that's being laid out in front of us.

Andypandyboy

It seems very tit for tat to me. In your position with the lives of your kids ahead of you, I would be having some serious air clearing discussions with all concerned.