Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

ska_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

In fact, he's even told her that her opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not her house.

Oh dear I hadn't read that.


Sounds like the husband needs to move back home to mummy as that is clearly where his loyalties lie - it seems to me he is not mature enough to have a grown up relationship.

ska_lover

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But that would leave you one day a week completely to yourselves which is what I thought you wanted - you said you had other visitors on Saturday so you wouldn't get a whole weekend to yourselves now even if his parents stopped coming over.

Obviously, if you're going away for the weekend, everybody would have to go without seeing any of you that week which is obviously no problem.

I think the OP wants to have a whole weekend, not just a day, as per the title of the thread.


You know I don't think its too much to ask - his parents are seriously impeding the development of this family

missbiggles1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

We have perhaps misunderstood one another, missbiggles

My point is that even if the OP and her partner declare that Saturday is 'their' day for being together in peace, with the way things are operating now, I would expect the in-laws to just view that as another day/chance/opportunity to see their boy and intrude just as much on Saturdays as they currently do on Sundays.

It would be a very sensible suggestion if we were talking about normal people who are very aware that it's unwise to tread on a d-i-l's toes, especially when she is less than well and getting nowhere near enough rest.

I explained my choice of the word 'obey' in post 79 but, as always, forumites are blessed with liberty to disagree and I for one am thankful to be able to do so.

Perhaps we have.:)

You're looking at it as if his parents are deliberately being awkward and would start turning up on Saturdays if Sunday became the family's " at home" day. I'm looking at it as if they're a couple who are rather set in their ways and just see Sunday as the day when families "should" pay visits.

Either of us might be right, or perhaps neither of us are.

paddy's_mum

Going back to the opening post. Lulu made it very clear indeed that she isn't demanding that all Sundays shall remain sacrosanct.

She said she would like a completely free of visitors, do-as-we-please weekend now and then and I don't think that request is out of order or unreasonable or trouble-making or provocative in any way whatsoever. In fact, I'd say it fits snugly inside the realms of completely normal!

missbiggles1

ska_lover wrote: »

I think the OP wants to have a whole weekend, not just a day, as per the title of the thread.


You know I don't think its too much to ask - his parents are seriously impeding the development of this family

Probably. I'm just suggesting a way of compromising because a whole weekend with just the four of them doesn't seem to be what the father wants.

AylesburyDuck

Mojisola wrote: »

As this is a mother who treats her son as a god, it's quite likely to be the reason in this case.

I wonder whether he had any other serious relationships before lulu and how those girls were treated.

I dont know why but this set off my brain, Lulu said OH was half Irish, and in my mind this little (almost Mrs Brown like) comedy Stereotypical Irish Matriarc popped in my head.:rotfl:
Lulu is it MIL thats Irish. I am now going to be sooooooo disappointed if its not, as my brain has now drawn its own picture in crayons and everything.

As a disclaimer i hate stereotyping and am fully aware not all Irish mothers are like this, however i do know of at least one personally. :rotfl:

barbiedoll

lulu_92 wrote: »

She never seemed to have liked me to be honest. The first time she met me she was surprised I was sober due to the aforementioned time I was very drunk. She has actively tried to stir drama involving his ex girlfriend and has told me quite clearly that she isn't afraid to have words with me about anything I do wrong. Apparently I know nothing about raising children and the guidelines I have been given by my midwife are incorrect. I could write a book to support my suspicions

Honestly, you should speak to my Mum, she had the exact same experience with her MIL.

My parents had to save for two years to have a big wedding so that my dad's extended family could attend, and so that no-one would think that my mum was pregnant (as would have been the case with a "quick" wedding) In-laws didn't offer a penny towards the cost.

My parents had to spend every single Saturday with my dad's parents. They both worked Saturday mornings in a factory and they had to spend the whole afternoon and evening with the MIL and FIL. When they were invited to a friend's wedding, they still had to go to MIL for their dinner before they were allowed to go home and get ready to go out.

My mum's MIL would constantly go on about her hairdresser who had a huge crush on my dad. My dad did go on one date with her, before he met my mum but he didn't like her and wasn't interested in her. Yet MIL would always mention what a lovely girl she was and how she was always very well-dressed, etc etc.

When I was a baby, MIL (who was a fantastic seamstress) would make dresses for me but my other grandmother would also buy clothes for me. My mum said that trying to remember who bought what, was a nightmare. If MIL came over and I was wearing something that she hadn't made, she would be huffy for the rest of the day.

When I was a toddler, she would come over with a huge bag of sweets and proceed to feed them to me all day. So I never ate any dinner. MIL would then infer that my mum's terrible cooking was the reason that I didn't eat properly. My toddler tantrums were apparently due to my mum having a "bit of a temper"! And despite me having quite serious asthma, MIL would still smoke around me constantly, despite being asked not to.

They would visit every Saturday, without fail. No exceptions, no excuses. Holidays were no respite, they only went on holiday if we went with them.

I think my mum had a lucky escape when she divorced my dad. Her MIL lived to the age of 101, outliving my dad's second wife. :eek:

AylesburyDuck

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Probably. I'm just suggesting a way of compromising because a whole weekend with just the four of them doesn't seem to be what the father wants.

I only think the father doesnt know what he wants because the umbilical cord wont stretch far enough to let him see the horizon.

lulu_92

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

I dont know why but this set off my brain, Lulu said OH was half Irish, and in my mind this little (almost Mrs Brown like) comedy Stereotypical Irish Matriarc popped in my head.:rotfl:
Lulu is it MIL thats Irish. I am now going to be sooooooo disappointed if its not, as my brain has now drawn its own picture in crayons and everything.

As a disclaimer i hate stereotyping and am fully aware not all Irish mothers are like this, however i do know of at least one personally. :rotfl:

No its his dad that's Irish :rotfl::rotfl:

As an aside, when I mean a weekend free of visitors it applies to everyone so it's not even me trying to alienate them, it's just that they are the ones who have created this appointment of every Sunday at the same time without fail.

ska_lover

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Probably. I'm just suggesting a way of compromising because a whole weekend with just the four of them doesn't seem to be what the father wants.

I am struggling to understand your point I am afraid

So getting what he wants every single other weekend is fine then? He is an adult now, however Mummys boy cannot live without having his own way for one weekend in FOUR MONTHS??? Mummys boy cannot live a full week without seeing mummy?? He cannot prioritise what his partner wants above what his mother wants?? theres something seriously wrong here, his mother and father are imposing on this family and causing a rift.

He gets his own way more than enough if you ask me

How the hell do women find men like this attractive. Will mummy be named as the other woman on the divorce petition??