Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

seven-day-weekend

Pollycat wrote: »

Lulu
I think this is a truly dreadful thing to say to the Mother of your children.

Is this how he really sees you?

It is not too good, is it.

The mother of his children is not necessarily his soulmate. However, a bit of honesty and respect would not come amiss.

A lady I used to work with received a birthday card from her co-habiting partner. It said inside 'Happy Birthday to the mother of my children. Kind regards, hisname'

Sounded like a business transaction.

lulu_92

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It is not too good, is it.

The mother of his children is not necessarily his soulmate. However, a bit of honesty and respect would not come amiss.

A lady I used to work with received a birthday card from her co-habiting partner. It said inside 'Happy Birthday to the mother of my children. Kind regards, hisname'

Sounded like a business transaction.

I brought up the comments in last night's discussion and he couldn't say anything. I asked him if that's what he really thinks of our relationship and he said no. I said I'm sick of just words and I need actions to prove it as because he's said these things before they stick with me and affect me.

He says I'm being too impatient because the girls are only 4 months old so I shouldn't have expected engagement or anything and if I really wanted to get married we could have not had children instead, which I explained with the reasons I posted on here earlier.

I'm trying to sort out everything I'd need to go and stay at my mum's for a while, and getting it all over there.

seven-day-weekend

lulu_92 wrote: »

I brought up the comments in last night's discussion and he couldn't say anything. I asked him if that's what he really thinks of our relationship and he said no. I said I'm sick of just words and I need actions to prove it as because he's said these things before they stick with me and affect me.

He says I'm being too impatient because the girls are only 4 months old so I shouldn't have expected engagement or anything and if I really wanted to get married we could have not had children instead, which I explained with the reasons I posted on here earlier.

I'm trying to sort out everything I'd need to go and stay at my mum's for a while, and getting it all over there.

This is how much it costs to get married:

Cost of registering a marriage or civil partnership
You have to pay a fee to register a UK marriage or civil partnership - different fees may apply abroad.

This is £46 if you have the ceremony at a register office, but may be more at other venues. Ask the registrar or religious minister for details.

The marriage or civil partnership certificate costs £4 on the day of the event or £10 after. You may need a copy to prove your marital status in the future.

https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships//weddings-and-civil-partnership-ceremonies

It's obviously more if you want bells and whistles, but that's how much it costs to have a legally binding marriage ceremony in a registry office. £50.

lulu_92

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

This is how much it costs to get married:

Cost of registering a marriage or civil partnership
You have to pay a fee to register a UK marriage or civil partnership - different fees may apply abroad.

This is £46 if you have the ceremony at a register office, but may be more at other venues. Ask the registrar or religious minister for details.

The marriage or civil partnership certificate costs £4 on the day of the event or £10 after. You may need a copy to prove your marital status in the future.

https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships//weddings-and-civil-partnership-ceremonies

It's obviously more if you want bells and whistles, but that's how much it costs to have a legally binding marriage ceremony in a registry office. £50.

I know, and I got some pressure while pregnant to go for this kind of wedding. I said I either wanted to elope and just have a couple of witnesses off the street, or have a "proper" wedding.

Do you really think his family would "let" us have a small wedding? We'd be ripped new ones for not inviting certain people!

seven-day-weekend

I've hesitated to say this, because I may be wrong, but it keeps playing on my mind.

I don't think the OP is regarded as 'family' by the partner's parents because she is not related to them by either blood or law. I think maybe this has rubbed off on the partner, and therefore the position he sees she has is simply 'the mother of his children'. This could be the reason he takes his mother's side before his partner's. I'm not saying he is consciously making this decision, but that is how he is behaving. IMO, of course, and I hope I am wrong.

What to do about it, only the OP can decide.

seven-day-weekend

lulu_92 wrote: »

I know, and I got some pressure while pregnant to go for this kind of wedding. I said I either wanted to elope and just have a couple of witnesses off the street, or have a "proper" wedding.

Do you really think his family would "let" us have a small wedding? We'd be ripped new ones for not inviting certain people!

Just do it and tell them afterwards. You only need two witnesses. You don't need to elope.

tea_lover

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I've hesitated to say this, because I may be wrong, but it keeps playing on my mind.

I don't think the OP is regarded as 'family' by the partner's parents because she is not related to them by either blood or law. I think maybe this has rubbed off on the partner, and therefore the position he sees she has is simply 'the mother of his children'. This could be the reason he takes his mother's side before his partner's. I'm not saying he is consciously making this decision, but that is how he is behaving. IMO, of course, and I hope I am wrong.

What to do about it, only the OP can decide.

Yes, the problem (as I see it), isn't that the OH won't stand up to his mother, it's that he agrees with her.

lulu_92

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Just do it and tell them afterwards. You only need two witnesses. You don't need to elope.

It honestly wouldn't be worth the drama we would get afterwards. Obviously I would stand my ground and say tough, although maybe it would annoy them so much they back off...

onomatopoeia99

lulu_92 wrote: »

I know, and I got some pressure while pregnant to go for this kind of wedding. I said I either wanted to elope and just have a couple of witnesses off the street, or have a "proper" wedding.

Do you really think his family would "let" us have a small wedding? We'd be ripped new ones for not inviting certain people!

You could just do it and tell everyone after. Everyone includes your family by the way, so no double standards.

There would be no "letting" you do anything, it would be done.

onomatopoeia99

blimey this topic moves so fast there have been half a dozen posts while I was typing mine :rotfl: