Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

paddy's_mum

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

position he sees she has is simply 'the mother of his children'.

I tend to agree with this viewpoint but I would go further and say that in view of his dismissive attitudes regarding rights/safety, security of tenure and why-do-i-need-a-will, he perhaps more accurately sees her as the mother of 'some' children, and not demonstrably connected to himself at all.

Georgiegirl256

lulu_92 wrote: »

He says I'm being too impatient because the girls are only 4 months old so I shouldn't have expected engagement or anything and if I really wanted to get married we could have not had children instead, which I explained with the reasons I posted on here earlier.
.

That above paragraph speaks volumes to me. If I remember correctly, his heart wasn't really in trying to conceive either was it?

Now this is a blunt question, and I apologise in advance, but do you think he really wants to be in a relationship with you? Does he really want the whole family unit? Or is he just sick of what seems like you making all the decisions but just goes along with things even though he doesn't want to for an easy life.... off both you and his parents.

lulu_92

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That above paragraph speaks volumes to me. If I remember correctly, is heart wasn't really in trying to conceive either was it?

Now this is a blunt question, and I apologise in advance, but do you think he really wants to be in a relationship with you? Does he really want the whole family unit? Or is he just sick of what seems like you making all the decisions but just goes along with things even though he doesn't want to for an easy life.... off both you and his parents.

His heart was in conceiving. We discussed it at length, tried for a year, had a miscarriage then got pregnant again about 3 months later. During this time I made it clear that if he had any doubt to tell me and I wouldn't be upset, and he said this was what he wanted more than anything.

I'm not sure. I don't make any decisions so he can't be sick of something that doesn't happen. I'm not going on at him all the time about stuff, nor do I think my expectations are very high. He has always wanted the family unit and I know he wouldn't have decided to have children with me if he wasn't sure I was the one for him, but on the other hand he isn't showing any signs of putting anything on paper or even trying to protect any of us.

I agree that I think he agrees with his mum which is why he doesn't stand up for me. Part of me also suspects he hasn't proposed is because his mum doesn't like me..

missbiggles1

Going back to the original problem, why not keep Sundays for all visiters from both sides of the family, pretty well having open house? That way you could keep Saturday just for the four of you and be "at home" to visitors who could come or go as they like.

paddy's_mum

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Going back to the original problem, why not keep Sundays for all visiters from both sides of the family, pretty well having open house? That way you could keep Saturday just for the four of you and be "at home" to visitors who could come or go as they like.

Well, in theory that might work but what's to say that the in-laws and their son won't still ride roughshod over the clear wishes of the OP.

They haven't respected or 'obeyed' before so what would changing the day achieve except another clash?

kelpie35

i still really think you would be better going to your mums for a short period of time.

This will either give him a shock, and he will fully realise how unhappy you are, or he will show you that he has no respect for you, and I am sorry to say this, but you would be better off without someone like that in your life.

You now need to be strong.

Put enough clothes etc for your babies and your self into a case and go to your mum.

If nothing else it will give you a rest and I am sure you are in desperate need of that with having twins.

Please take care of yourself and your babies.

Andypandyboy

lulu_92 wrote: »

His heart was in conceiving. We discussed it at length, tried for a year, had a miscarriage then got pregnant again about 3 months later. During this time I made it clear that if he had any doubt to tell me and I wouldn't be upset, and he said this was what he wanted more than anything.

I'm not sure. I don't make any decisions so he can't be sick of something that doesn't happen. I'm not going on at him all the time about stuff, nor do I think my expectations are very high. He has always wanted the family unit and I know he wouldn't have decided to have children with me if he wasn't sure I was the one for him, but on the other hand he isn't showing any signs of putting anything on paper or even trying to protect any of us.

I agree that I think he agrees with his mum which is why he doesn't stand up for me. Part of me also suspects he hasn't proposed is because his mum doesn't like me..

Why is that do you think? It must have started somewhere..

Mojisola

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Why is that do you think? It must have started somewhere..

Will some mothers, it starts with when a young woman has the temerity to get into a relationship with "her boy".

Andypandyboy

Mojisola wrote: »

Will some mothers, it starts with when a young woman has the temerity to get into a relationship with "her boy".

I am sure it does, but I don't think that is the norm, which is why I asked the question.

missbiggles1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Well, in theory that might work but what's to say that the in-laws and their son won't still ride roughshod over the clear wishes of the OP.

They haven't respected or 'obeyed' before so what would changing the day achieve except another clash?

It wouldn't be changing the day, Sunday's the day that they visit now. I also don't know where "obey" comes into it or, quite honestly, why what she wants is more important than what her boyfriend wants.