Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

annandale

Your unsupportive partner is the biggest problem. He doesn't seem to care how you feel

borkid

lulu_92 wrote: »

I appreciate how you've come to write this post and thanks for the honesty.

To us it was more important to conceive while we were able to before paying for a wedding, which I know can be done on the cheap but we have an idea of what we want. I am getting fed up that it doesn't seem to be on the cards right now as we've been together for 5 years, although I know I could propose to him and get things moving myself. He told me that he never proposed to his ex as he knew she wasn't the one for him, and I've told him that I feel that is why he hasn't asked me to marry him, especially after carrying and birthing his two children.

I've often thought that MIL and I have similar traits, but we clash by our differences. She is unwilling to accept OH can do anything wrong at all, that everything is always my fault. She is also downright rude, implying that I am an alcoholic because I once got very drunk and was sick (her son drinks way more than me but I digress).

My issue with the bank account was that I only wanted the girls to have one account each in their names, to be opened by us so we can put birthday money into it. My parents never even thought to open an account, they save in a new savings account in their names then they will distribute the money at the right time. I thought this was a better idea and I did suggest it, but I was made to sound ungrateful.

I do need to write a will. I told OH as well, his response was that if anything happened to him the house would default to his dad (he needed a guarantor when he bought the house when he was 22) and his dad "wouldn't make us homeless"

I compromise where I can. There's so many things that I could have held out on but I picked my battles in the end.

Nappies are currently upstairs out of the way, I will be donating and giving away soon.

It might default to his parents but not because his dad is guarantor. My OH is guarantor to my daughter but he doesn't expect to get the house. I would certainly push your OH to get a will drawn up anything can happen. What if he and his dad were in a car accident and both died what would happen? Or he and his parents? This is one battle you need to fight. Do you have a joint bank account?

paddy's_mum

lulu_92 wrote: »

if anything happened to him the house would default to his dad (he needed a guarantor when he bought the house when he was 22)

Maybe I'm being thick (and I have had a busy day) but I cannot follow this point at all.

A guarantor is usually needed only when renting or for a large but short term loan. On what basis did your F-i-L come to be a guarantor for a mortgage since as I understand it, the property itself becomes the guarantee for the money lent.

In any case, his father is no longer his next of kin - your children are and I'm pretty sure would come ahead of anyone else under the laws of intestacy. They are also his dependents and as such have well mapped out rights in terms of inheritance and ongoing provision.

I'm also shocked that the father of two helpless little babies wouldn't think taking all possible steps to protect them was worthwhile. Making a will is not only sensible but also proof of maturity and concern for your loved ones.

I'm sorry to say it but I am beginning to think that you are tied up with an extremely selfish and weak man who puts you way down his list of priorities.

lulu_92

I don't know much about the process so I never questioned his answer. I think he had to have a guarantor due to his age and small deposit, I'm not sure.

I brought it up in our earlier discussion that he needs to protect them first, but that I shouldn't be at the bottom of his list for everything.

fairy_lights

lulu_92 wrote: »

I did speak to OH when he got home. Again he didn't say anything but I told him everything I have listed on here. He then groaned that I wasn't sad this morning so he doesn't get why I've "suddenly" felt this way, and that it's "ruined his night off". Then he asked me what I wanted, even though I had told him. Now we're not talking and I've just had a nosebleed so all in all not a success!

I have to ask, are there any good aspects to your relationship? Does he treat you with respect? Are you generally happy? Because the picture you're painting isn't exactly rosy.

JReacher1

I think if there is no will then the estate goes to the children not the parents. So you don't really need a will

lulu_92

fairy_lights wrote: »

I have to ask, are there any good aspects to your relationship? Does he treat you with respect? Are you generally happy? Because the picture you're painting isn't exactly rosy.

When it's good it's great.

Generally I don't know if I'm happy or not. At the moment my joy comes from my girls.

Rosemary7391

JReacher1 wrote: »

I think if there is no will then the estate goes to the children not the parents. So you don't really need a will

I think that's correct, but:
- There may be a will existing in favour of the parents ?
- If the house is jointly owned between father and son, it wouldn't necessarily form part of the estate. However well intentioned the father is, this could be scuppered by plenty of circumstances beyond his control, so it is important that this is done properly. Why introduce extra things to do and look into at a time that would already be very difficult?

borkid

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Maybe I'm being thick (and I have had a busy day) but I cannot follow this point at all.

A guarantor is usually needed only when renting or for a large but short term loan. On what basis did your F-i-L come to be a guarantor for a mortgage since as I understand it, the property itself becomes the guarantee for the money lent.

In any case, his father is no longer his next of kin - your children are and I'm pretty sure would come ahead of anyone else under the laws of intestacy. They are also his dependents and as such have well mapped out rights in terms of inheritance and ongoing provision.

I'm also shocked that the father of two helpless little babies wouldn't think taking all possible steps to protect them was worthwhile. Making a will is not only sensible but also proof of maturity and concern for your loved ones.

I'm sorry to say it but I am beginning to think that you are tied up with an extremely selfish and weak man who puts you way down his list of priorities.

There aren't many guarantor mortgages available but my husband has been twice for my daughter. Once when she left uni, had a job offer but didn't start for a couple of months although she was doing temp work. The second time she wanted to change to a lower interest rate with a different BS but due to circumstances her income wasn't enough but she had 60% equity in the house and the new repayments were about £100 a month less than her current ones.

borkid

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I think that's correct, but:
- There may be a will existing in favour of the parents ?
- If the house is jointly owned between father and son, it wouldn't necessarily form part of the estate. However well intentioned the father is, this could be scuppered by plenty of circumstances beyond his control, so it is important that this is done properly. Why introduce extra things to do and look into at a time that would already be very difficult?

I don't think it is jointly owned if the father is guarantor. It just means that if for some reason the son defaults on the mortgage payments then the father has to pay. In my husband and daughter situation his name isn't on the deeds of her house, he has no claim on the house at all.