Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

Mojisola

JReacher1 wrote: »

But didn't the OP say that the kids were only up for an hour when the husband gets back?

Its not really the quality time the grand parents want.

The grandparents can't expect hours of quality time when the parents aren't getting any with their children.

JReacher1

Mojisola wrote: »

The grandparents can't expect hours of quality time when the parents aren't getting any with their children.

The mum gets all day with the kids and the Dad hasn't complained to his parents about them coming round.

I don't see how two and a half hours on a Sunday means that the parents don't get to spend any quality time with their kids.

The quality time thing is obviously just an excuse as the OP doesn't like her Inlaws and doesn't just want to come out and say it!

Mojisola

JReacher1 wrote: »

I don't see how two and a half hours on a Sunday means that the parents don't get to spend any quality time with their kids.

I really loved my parents and my in laws but I still wouldn't have had them visit every Sunday for several hours.

Rosemary7391

JReacher1 wrote: »

The mum gets all day with the kids and the Dad hasn't complained to his parents about them coming round.

I don't see how two and a half hours on a Sunday means that the parents don't get to spend any quality time with their kids.

The quality time thing is obviously just an excuse as the OP doesn't like her Inlaws and doesn't just want to come out and say it!

I don't think the OP is as fussed about them coming on any given Sunday as every Sunday, regardless of what suits her. Wanting a whole weekend as a family once in a while isn't intrinsically unreasonable, neither is grandparents wanting to visit every week. The unreasonable bit is the lack of engagement in trying to find a suitable compromise.

JReacher1

Mojisola wrote: »

I really loved my parents and my in laws but I still wouldn't have had them visit every Sunday for several hours.

Yes but it's obvious that the Op doesn't like her Inlaws so a slightly different situation.

I come from a close family where my kids see both their sets of grandparents at least weekly (if not more) and my mum and dad are invited around every Sunday for lunch

Peoples families are different.

My issue with the OP is two things.

1) the quality time excuse is rubbish, two and a half hours a week doesn't stop you spending quality time with your kids.
2) the OP's OH clearly doesn't mind (despite the look in his eye...). It's therefore only the OP who has a problem with this.

JReacher1

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I don't think the OP is as fussed about them coming on any given Sunday as every Sunday, regardless of what suits her. Wanting a whole weekend as a family once in a while isn't intrinsically unreasonable, neither is grandparents wanting to visit every week. The unreasonable bit is the lack of engagement in trying to find a suitable compromise.

The lack of compromise is because relations between them are bad. Just look at other threads e.g. The one where the OP didn't invite anyone from her OH's side to her baby shower, or the one where she wouldn't go on holiday with the family.

Rosemary7391

JReacher1 wrote: »

The lack of compromise is because relations between them are bad. Just look at other threads e.g. The one where the OP didn't invite anyone from her OH's side to her baby shower, or the one where she wouldn't go on holiday with the family.

I've not looked at the other threads. Even if there is an ongoing problem, refusing to try and compromise is hardly going to endear someone to you, is it? I do think the OP has more problems than just this visiting one though.

JReacher1

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I've not looked at the other threads. Even if there is an ongoing problem, refusing to try and compromise is hardly going to endear someone to you, is it? I do think the OP has more problems than just this visiting one though.

No I agree.

it sounds like to me that there is massive tension between the OP and her Inlaws and they don't like to be in the house without their son being there. I would work on improving that relationship.

annandale

I don't see that the op is to blame for any of this. As I see it she has a set of pushy in laws and an unsupportive partner. I have read some of the other threads. She's not being treated well.

lulu_92

JReacher1 wrote: »

No I agree.

it sounds like to me that there is massive tension between the OP and her Inlaws and they don't like to be in the house without their son being there. I would work on improving that relationship.

They have no problem being here when OH isn't.

As an aside, I did invite his side to my baby shower and I did go on holiday with them. At the baby shower all she did was moan that OH wasn't there, talk about how lovely her daughter was and stayed long after everyone else had left, just sitting on the sofa. She didn't offer to help my mum and she kept asking inappropriate questions to other guests she had never met before. On the holiday the topic of my father came up and I was told it was unreasonable of me to never want to see him should he try to find me (after 20 odd years of him choosing to not want anything to do with me), so the two events weren't exactly peachy, even though I did both with an open mind and the intention to build the relationship.

Like I said, I'm not trying to deprive them of quality time with their grandchildren, I'm just asking for flexibility from them. I will add that having my parental skills criticised every week does not a happy visit make, but I bite my tongue every time.

The problem is the visit is in the middle of Sunday so we can't do anything before and if anyone has tried getting two babies ready for going out it doesn't leave much time after.

I did speak to OH when he got home. Again he didn't say anything but I told him everything I have listed on here. He then groaned that I wasn't sad this morning so he doesn't get why I've "suddenly" felt this way, and that it's "ruined his night off". Then he asked me what I wanted, even though I had told him. Now we're not talking and I've just had a nosebleed so all in all not a success!