Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

lulu_92

My girls are 4 months old, and since they were born we've only had one weekend where nobody has come to visit, and that was when they were 6 weeks old.

The in laws have decided to visit us at the same time every Sunday, for about 2 and a half hours. Add to this everyone else who wants to come over or wants us to visit them on Saturday and Sunday.

OH works Monday to Friday and when he comes home he gets about an hour with the girls before they go to bed, so it would be nice to be able to have a few weekends where it's just us four, especially as they get older and will be able to enjoy proper days out. I'm worried that a precedent has been set.

Don't get me wrong, it makes me so happy that people want to spend time with us and see the girls, but I don't think asking for a bit of family time is that unreasonable?

I brought this up with the in laws regarding their weekly visit, just that they could maybe visit in the week some times and let us have the weekend to ourselves, and I was told that I can get that weekend when they go on holiday..



[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

bossymoo

Tell them you won't be in

Seriously - just say sorry not this weekend thanks. This your home, don't need to give a reason. Pleasantly assertive is fine - and no need to feel guilty.

Just do it, you'll feel empowered.

susieq87

co-signing the post above. just tell them you're not home and if anyone pops up without notice dont open the door.

Janey3

You're not being unreasonable at all imo, it's only natural to want some weekends to yourselves, so you need to tell them kindly but assertively next time someone wants to call when you have other plans (even if you haven't)- just tell them you are going to the beach, fair, shopping or wherever, on that day, but you would love to see them on such and such a day.

If they call unexpectedly you say 'oh, what a shame, we are just off out to wherever'.

Nip it in the bud now!

lulu_92

I think the problem is that the in laws have pretty much decided this for themselves and won't take no for an answer! OH is too indifferent about it to say something, although I know he wants this family time as much as I do.

Even when we've had other things planned, they insist on coming over. It was my sister's birthday the other week and we had to be there for about 1pm, and they knew about this yet still came and didn't leave until past 12:30pm!

tea_lover

lulu_92 wrote: »

I think the problem is that the in laws have pretty much decided this for themselves and won't take no for an answer! OH is too indifferent about it to say something, although I know he wants this family time as much as I do.

These are the kind of people who force their way into your house as soon as you open the door..

You know the answer to that then .

ETA: it's not at all unreasonable to want some time together as a family. You really do need your OH to grow a backbone on this one and just tell them straight. Good luck!

lulu_92

tea_lover wrote: »

You know the answer to that then .

ETA: it's not at all unreasonable to want some time together as a family. You really do need your OH to grow a backbone on this one and just tell them straight. Good luck!

True! I removed that bit as I felt a bit mean haha

He has a backbone when against me but for everyone else he's soft as anything! :rotfl:

fairy_lights

I'd tell them that while the weather is so nice you're going to try and take the girls out every Sunday afternoon for some fresh air, so there's no need for them to pop round.
Can't they come with you? Oh no, you're not sure where you'll be going so there's no need to put themselves out.

Janey3

How about calling on them at their home when convenient to you, 'hello, just passing, thought we'd call in' Then spend an hour with them or whatever time you wish to spend and then go on to do your own thing or come back to your own home? When you're at the front door, you could say 'oh, nearly forgot, we won't be in much over the weekend, so we'll see you soon'.

Pollycat

Lulu
Am I right in thinking that you have had some historical problems with your MIL doing what she wants to do regardless of your wishes?

I think that it should be your OH who is 'fighting this battle' with his parents.
He's the one who should be assertive that you want some time to yourselves. It's what he wants too.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
If they won't listen, get your OH to ring them half an hour before they'll be leaving the house to say you won't be in even if they come over.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

My girls are 4 months old, and since they were born we've only had one weekend where nobody has come to visit, and that was when they were 6 weeks old.

The in laws have decided to visit us at the same time every Sunday, for about 2 and a half hours.

I brought this up with the in laws regarding their weekly visit, just that they could maybe visit in the week some times and let us have the weekend to ourselves, and I was told that I can get that weekend when they go on holiday..

lulu_92 wrote: »

I think the problem is that the in laws have pretty much decided this for themselves and won't take no for an answer!

OH is too indifferent about it to say something, although I know he wants this family time as much as I do.

Even when we've had other things planned, they insist on coming over.

If your OH can't or won't stand up to his parents, I would take the girls out before they arrive.

If your OH wants to stay at home and be visited, that's his choice.

You need to stop this uncontrolled visiting now or it will still be happening in five and more years time.