22 Foxhole East

badmemory

f0xh0les said:

The first thing he did was to increase his housekeeping standing order to me. The man is a darling really.

Definitely a keeper.

f0xh0les

Been sneezing all morning, so cancelled my blood donation and have rebooked for late next week.  No point going and getting sent away.   I will get on with the cleaning and clearing.

DS1 and 2 are still in bed. They know there is a recruitment fair on in town today. They know it started at 10am.  I am actually gutted. I woke them both, this is a choice they are actually making. I do not know what to do.

beanielou

It’s certainly not easy. 

No advice~ sorry. 

jennystarpepper

Sorry to hear despite all your wonderful achievements you still have a bit of conflict at home.

I know many have the 'all gun's blazing' approach, but I have not found this to work.  I can only tell you about a couple of things which worked for me, (other people's children which I've had to parent).

I do not like conflict at home, lived too long in a house of screamers. 

Sat down with teens at dining table, with husband, I'm the one who keeps things unemotional, kept it short and sweet, current behaviour is unacceptable and changes to be made by them, explained certain services to be withdrawn one at a time, today it is washing of clothing and bedding, 2 weeks' time it will be X and so on, all MR JPS did at the end was ask them if they understand, we got a yes.  End of, and deadline for next chat set, it was not mentioned again unless we needed to sit down 2 weeks later. 

Baileys_Babe

Thank you @jennystarpepper for sharing your strategy, I will keep it in mind when dealing with my own teens.

f0xh0les

I have already removed the cleaning and hoovering and laundry services. They do not care.  They do not come downstairs until after 3pm since I stopped lunch service.  They do not seem to realise that they are not living life. It is driving me insane.
DS1 got up and went to the jobs event, he said he had a long chat with one man who gave him some advice. Then he went off and had lunch and cake in town.  Because making a sandwich is beneath him. 
We will see how loud hammering and scaffolding makes them feel. 

slm6002

Would they volunteer with you for a while at the food bank?  If so they may come to realise its worth getting a job as they are having to work anyway so might as well get paid for it?  It is good that one of them went to the job fair.  I think lots of hoovering outside their rooms very early on in the day will help too

jennystarpepper

Mrs Fox, sending you a hug.

Phase 2?  Sit down and explain what their housekeeping contribution covers, probably not much, I know you are making them pay keep / board now... can you tell them it will now go up, X amount per week, reviewed every 4 weeks, and will continue until they have a regular income as they need to start supporting themselves, (even if it is a fiver a week)? Bank of Fox has closed, treating you as an adult. Working in finance for 30+ years I can only say that waking up to financial responsibility is a big shock to many. 

Again, I do not like conflict, but when I explained to our teens, once they had a job and their commitments had been paid their earnt money was their business to do with as they wanted, lightbulbs went off. 

Bottle of gin at mine... think Yorkshire is a bit far! X

 

Cornish_mum

Congratulations to ProfFoxholes and sorry about the DS’s. I have no advice but am sending you virtual flowers. Take care CM

PS I am now trying to get quotes and to schedule work to clear, dismantle and replace our garage. OMG why does no one reply to emails!

f0xh0les

I totally agree CM.  Not even Debbie McGee disappeared as fast as poxy builders. 
All love, hugs, and virtual flowers gratefully accepted and appreciated.