22 Foxhole East

KajiKita

Well survived!

I think a ‘chat’ needs to be had with Mr FH after this visit is concluded. If there is no intention to change behaviours the next time it happens, I would quietly be making plans to leave just before they arrive - having cleaned the house, made up the beds and filled the house with food and go spend some time with a good friend. I would seriously consider just leaving a note and heading off. 

KK

f0xh0les

The problem is that he can see his parents now being 'old older',  and he knows that the next funeral or the next next funeral he attends might be his dad's, and he cannot cope with that. When they are on the phone he can hide from it, but when it is staring him in the face he withdraws. Plus they all have nothing  in common. No interests, hobbies, or friends. Not even f-i-l  and m-i-l. They do not talk to each other, they talk about each other. So he is very careful about what he says.  There is one-upmanship on a huge scale going on because the rest of the family is a bunch of extremely materialistic Facebook showoffs, and the ones getting married recently, although less than 10 years younger than me and DH, are quite happy to let their parents pay for them, even at 40 years old with parents in their 70s. 
We have never taken a penny from his parents since DH got £7k from his gran's estate 20 years ago.  It made up most of the deposit on our first house. 

f0xh0les

And they have gone off on their merry way!  Just before they left, the roofer rang and finalised the quote, and said that itt would start in 2 to 3 weeks, they would email when the scaffold is on the way.  It is £13k and a few pennies after VAT . Nearly £2.5k in VAT. and it is not even covered in chocolate!  It will be done before the end of the month. 

No news from next door house owner. On Thursday we will be in dispute and I will pop over to the chap just to make sure he is aware, and to ask if he has a specific surveyor he wants me to pay for him to use.   It is all in the letters I left for him to sign, he could have sent the' I do not consent' letter back to us so we knew, but it appears he did not want to....Annoying, but there you go.  The notice has been served, so the clock has started ticking.   7th November is the earliest we can get the loft extension started legally,  but even then it will still be finished before the end of the year.

KajiKita

f0xh0les said:

The problem is that he can see his parents now being 'old older',  and he knows that the next funeral or the next next funeral he attends might be his dad's, and he cannot cope with that. When they are on the phone he can hide from it, but when it is staring him in the face he withdraws. Plus they all have nothing  in common. No interests, hobbies, or friends. Not even f-i-l  and m-i-l. They do not talk to each other, they talk about each other. So he is very careful about what he says.  There is one-upmanship on a huge scale going on because the rest of the family is a bunch of extremely materialistic Facebook showoffs, and the ones getting married recently, although less than 10 years younger than me and DH, are quite happy to let their parents pay for them, even at 40 years old with parents in their 70s. 
We have never taken a penny from his parents since DH got £7k from his gran's estate 20 years ago.  It made up most of the deposit on our first house. 

That’s quite a dynamic to negotiate…. I can see how you end up being facilitator, being slightly on the outskirts of it all. Still seems a bit unfair that Mr FH doesn’t engage at all and leaves it *all* to you though …. Anyway, none of my business! 😉

We got married in my 30s and I didn’t want any help for it from my parents. But my mother muscled in and took over. Instead of the simple, quiet, small wedding I had hoped for, it turned into a full blown, church, sit down wedding breakfast with proper dress! I got some control back though - the chocolate wedding cake pretty much blew her mind! 😂😂😂😂😂 (I shouldn’t laugh, but really, what a fuss about something so trivial 😊🤷‍♀️). 

KK

KajiKita

f0xh0les said:

And they have gone off on their merry way!  Just before they left, the roofer rang and finalised the quote, and said that itt would start in 2 to 3 weeks, they would email when the scaffold is on the way.  It is £13k and a few pennies after VAT . Nearly £2.5k in VAT. and it is not even covered in chocolate!  It will be done before the end of the month. 

No news from next door house owner. On Thursday we will be in dispute and I will pop over to the chap just to make sure he is aware, and to ask if he has a specific surveyor he wants me to pay for him to use.   It is all in the letters I left for him to sign, he could have sent the' I do not consent' letter back to us so we knew, but it appears he did not want to....Annoying, but there you go.  The notice has been served, so the clock has started ticking.   7th November is the earliest we can get the loft extension started legally,  but even then it will still be finished before the end of the year.

Starts vicarious count down 🤩❤️👏😊

f0xh0les

While you are on the topic of countdowns, only five more years of sitting on school/college car parks, at the correct time, waiting for coaches full of grumpy kids to arrive...    Guess where I am? Yep.   Only 25 minutes late so far ....  sigh...
Hmm,  yes, his family dynamic is indeed ... tricky, but since I have been 'handling' the situation there have been no shouting matches, or crying, or even worse, the silent treatment and sulking . Which is the situation that I came in to and rescued DH from like a rescue puppy 🤣

KajiKita

f0xh0les said:

While you are on the topic of countdowns, only five more years of sitting on school/college car parks, at the correct time, waiting for coaches full of grumpy kids to arrive...    Guess where I am? Yep.   Only 25 minutes late so far ....  sigh...
Hmm,  yes, his family dynamic is indeed ... tricky, but since I have been 'handling' the situation there have been no shouting matches, or crying, or even worse, the silent treatment and sulking . Which is the situation that I came in to and rescued DH from like a rescue puppy 🤣

Sincerely hoping that Mr FH appreciates everything you do for him! 😉

Yaaay for getting your house back!! 🎉🤩🥳👏😊
Less yaay for waiting in car parks to collect offspring. Hoping at least there were interesting conversations to take part in or evesdrop on …. 😉

KK

f0xh0les

They were nearly two hours late. I was very hot, but the gossip was amazing!

KajiKita

f0xh0les said:

They were nearly two hours late. I was very hot, but the gossip was amazing!

😂😂😂😂 None of which you can share with us of course! 😉

f0xh0les

Nope!

Well it has been 14 days today since I tracked down house owner next door, and guess what? Nothing. So we are in dispute, will wander back over and hopefully catch him at home after work today, just to make sure, then tomorrow engage a party wall surveyor to act for us both. More expense!

Why would you not want the house attached to yours to be fixed up properly? I dunno.