Adult sharing bed with non-relative teen

TheCountofNowhere

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Or having the common sense to do anything about it

Roll on September

What is this, some kind of attempt at bullying?

I don't have common sense, even though I already stated that the girls are not at risk, but you ignored that?

Roll on September? Is that when I go back to school, because I'm a child?

Classy.

thorsoak

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Bit of a weird story for me to make up.

Anyway. Clearly I should have made it clear that I am not implying that these girls are at risk in my first post. I did clarify in a subsequent post but the confusion persists. Sorry about that.

I wanted to get a consensus of whether it is appropriate for a 50 year old woman to be sharing a bed with a young teenage girl, after she had told the girl's parents that she would have a separate room.

I maintain that this is inappropriate and if I was a parent of the girl I would be annoyed. Apparently many of you don't see the problem, so that's fine too.

Are you trying to make something salacious out of this? How do you know that a family room was not booked? And just what business of yours is it?

rach_k

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Bit of a weird story for me to make up.

Anyway. Clearly I should have made it clear that I am not implying that these girls are at risk in my first post. I did clarify in a subsequent post but the confusion persists. Sorry about that.

I wanted to get a consensus of whether it is appropriate for a 50 year old woman to be sharing a bed with a young teenage girl, after she had told the girl's parents that she would have a separate room.

I maintain that this is inappropriate and if I was a parent of the girl I would be annoyed. Apparently many of you don't see the problem, so that's fine too.

I wouldn't describe it as inappropriate. A bit weird, yes, but not inappropriate. I expect the mum and the friend will be at the edges of the bed with the daughter/friend in the middle, so nobody is next to somebody they didn't expect. It would be more squashed than 2 in a double, but I wouldn't consider it inappropriate for 2 teenage girls to share a single bed (often done at sleepovers when I was a teen) and I wouldn't consider it inappropriate for a mum and teenage daughter to share a single on occasion either.

The parents of the other girl may be annoyed if they were explicitly told the situation would be different and may well expect an explanation, but it's still not 'inappropriate', it's just wrong to lie or wrong not to inform them of a necessary change of plan.

The only thing that would make it inappropriate, in my view, would be if the friend was uncomfortable about it. She may get on wonderfully with the mum - I used to love some of my friends' mums. As she's a teen, I would expect her to be able to voice any discomfort to the mum or to at least ring/text home and ask them to sort it. If she isn't able to do that, as a parent I wouldn't have let her go in the first place.

This is something for the girl, her parents and your MIL to sort out if THEY have a problem with it. As it stands, no it's not 'inappropriate' so nothing you should be getting involved in, OP.

TheCountofNowhere

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback and happy to accept that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

Cheers

TheCountofNowhere

thorsoak wrote: »

Are you trying to make something salacious out of this?

There at are at least 3 posts above yours where I answered this.

ska_lover

I cant see the big deal - as long as everyone is comfortable.


Maybe it was the only way they could afford it


Maybe I am naïve but there Is not always an ulterior motive for everything

maman

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

What is this, some kind of attempt at bullying?

I don't have common sense, even though I already stated that the girls are not at risk, but you ignored that?

Roll on September? Is that when I go back to school, because I'm a child?

Classy.

What an odd word to use to describe such pointless drivel.

TheCountofNowhere

maman wrote: »

What an odd word to use to describe such pointless drivel.

More hostility. Nice.

balletshoes

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Bit of a weird story for me to make up.

Anyway. Clearly I should have made it clear that I am not implying that these girls are at risk in my first post. I did clarify in a subsequent post but the confusion persists. Sorry about that.

I wanted to get a consensus of whether it is appropriate for a 50 year old woman to be sharing a bed with a young teenage girl, after she had told the girl's parents that she would have a separate room.

I maintain that this is inappropriate and if I was a parent of the girl I would be annoyed. Apparently many of you don't see the problem, so that's fine too.

why do you think its inappropriate? I'm not saying its not a bit of a strange scenario the way you've put it OP (telling the girls parents she would be in a separate room and then not being after all, apparently all planned in advance and so your MIL lied - still don't understand why she would do that by the way), but why do you think its inappropriate?

TheCountofNowhere

balletshoes wrote: »

why do you think its inappropriate? I'm not saying its not a bit of a strange scenario the way you've put it OP (telling the girls parents she would be in a separate room and then not being after all, apparently all planned in advance and so your MIL lied - still don't understand why she would do that by the way), but why do you think its inappropriate?

I think it's inappropriate for an adult to share a bed with a child that is not a close relative or at least a close friend.

I'm sure you would agree that it would be inappropriate for a male adult to do this, and in this instance I think it's inappropriate for a female adult.

I can certainly imagine a scenario where a good friend of the parents could share the same bed with the girl without any concern. My MIL hardly knows the girl's parents.

I also think it's inappropriate to renege on an agreement with the child's parents.

I'm a father - albeit of a son - and I would be unhappy with the circumstances. Many on here said they wouldn't mind, so it's been useful for me to collect other opinions.