Adult sharing bed with non-relative teen

Andypandyboy

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

I wanted opinions on whether it's ok for an adult to share a bed with a non-relative child.

If I had added "where the child doesn't want to" or "when the child doesn't mind" I would have got opinions that were biased towards the preference of a child.

Children should not be relied upon to make mature decisions on whether it's ok to share a bed with an adult they don't hardly know. I am sure you must agree.

I do agree that children need the protection of a mature adult when making some decisions. However, that wasn't a question I asked. I don't believe it is an absolutely black and white question here.

I imagine there are thousands of non related adults sharing beds wih kids all over the country - step parents or the partners of one parent. It is the motive which is crucial and the timeline and the reason for the lie to the parent. In my opinion of course.

I also asked what your wife thought but you didn't answer, which may mean she didn't see a problem and that her opinion was the catalyst for this thread or it may mean the opposite. We still don't know.

Again, it is your prerogative to provide or not provide this information, but without it yu are not getting opinions, just guesses.

TheCountofNowhere

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I do agree that children need the protection of a mature adult when making some decisions. However, that wasn't a question I asked. I don't believe it is an absolutely black and white question here.

I imagine there are thousands of non related adults sharing beds wih kids all over the country - step parents or the partners of one parent. It is the motive which is crucial and the timeline and the reason for the lie to the parent. In my opinion of course.

I also asked what your wife thought but you didn't answer, which may mean she didn't see a problem and that her opinion was the catalyst for this thread or it may mean the opposite. We still don't know.

Again, it is your prerogative to provide or not provide this information, but without it yu are not getting opinions, just guesses.

Then we mostly agree.

I didn't purposely omit answering any of your questions. FYI my wife was furious and stayed in regular contact with a very grumpy sister which ultimately led to her going to pick her up. I think this extra info again would have resulted in confirmation bias (to confirm my opinion, which I wanted to avoid).

fierystormcloud

FWIW countofnowhere, I am kind of with you. I think it's odd. I am in my late 30s, and can't think of anything worse than sleeping in the same bed as 2 teenagers.

Where has this woman booked? Can she not change it to a triple room or family room?

I don't have kids, but I can't imagine any of my sisters being too pleased if one her kids friends asked her child to go away for a week with their mum, and it turned out they were all sharing the bed!

I have never known this in my life! We have been for multiple holidays over the years, (including when we're adults,) with just the two of us, and with 12 extended family members, and everyone has their own bed. Everyone.

As a few people said on here, if she had said there was an adult and 2 kids, she wouldn't have been able to book a double room.

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I do agree that children need the protection of a mature adult when making some decisions. However, that wasn't a question I asked. I don't believe it is an absolutely black and white question here.

I imagine there are thousands of non related adults sharing beds wih kids all over the country - step parents or the partners of one parent. It is the motive which is crucial and the timeline and the reason for the lie to the parent. In my opinion of course.
.

I doubt it very much. But even so, if there are a few step parents sleeping in the same bed as stepkids, that's not the same as some random middle aged woman you barely know, sleeping with your teenage child! I would not find it acceptable

Andypandyboy

Reading between the lines my take on it is that this is a middle aged mum trying to recapture her youth and be a "friend" to her daughter by muscling in on a teenage girly night. A pyjama party type scenario. I find that sad and cringeworthy but I don't see it as "inappropriate" in the accepted context of the word - that is as having a sinister ulterior motive. It is a misjudgement definitely.

It does concern me that she lied to the parents, but I do wonder whether the sleeping arrangements were ever explicity explained or whether it was a lie by omission.

AylesburyDuck

To me, and only my opinion i'm afraid, as that is all the OP is asking for, opinions:whistle:

As a parent, i'd be absolutely furious if one thing was planned but entirely a different thing happened. Especially as it would be the parent of a child that
A/ My child didnt know all that well.
B/ I didnt know all that well.
It would be the lies that would irritate me probably to the point of an uncomforatable conversation on return.
It's down to me to say what i beleive is suitable for my child and me alone, otherwise the age of concent would be lower!

People do seem to have a problem with the spirit of a posters original intentions for posting (which can be vast), i dont feel a need to pidgeon hole or apply a different set of criteria of why i beleive the postershould of/could of posted.:eek:
Who are we to dicate!.

TheCountofNowhere

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Reading between the lines my take on it is that this is a middle aged mum trying to recapture her youth and be a "friend" to her daughter by muscling in on a teenage girly night. A pyjama party type scenario. I find that sad and cringeworthy but I don't see it as "inappropriate" in the accepted context of the word - that is as having a sinister ulterior motive. It is a misjudgement definitely.

It does concern me that she lied to the parents, but I do wonder whether the sleeping arrangements were ever explicity explained or whether it was a lie by omission.

It appears as though your "accepted context of the word" inappropriate may be some of the problem.

I'm just using the actual definition of the word. Anything else would be inappropriate.

Detroit

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

I completely disagree. I find it hard to believe that you actually believe this and instead are caught up in the wave of sentiment against the new forum poster.

You are correct that I am certain there is no risk of impropriety. The child does not know this and neither does the child's parents. That's why it's inappropriate for my MIL to put the child in this position regardless of the child's opinion."All that's left to consider is the opinion of the children concerned" is a remarkable thing to say.

Why can't you just say you agree?[/QUOTE

The only wave I'm caught up in is a wave of love for my own opinion and the opportunity to express it.:)
Sometimes in support of other people's views, sometimes not. There is no correlation between my opinion and the length of time people have been posting.

Why can't I say I agree? Because as I've explained, I think the views here are irrelevant, and given my own life experience, mine perhaps less relevant than most.

If you are determined on obtaining other's opinions, you've had them here from people who can probably relate far more closely to the people involved than I can.

For what it's worth, I've never personally heard of such a thing, and in your MILs position, it's not something I would do. If that can be defined as me thinking it's odd, then there, you have it.

TheCountofNowhere

Detroit wrote: »

I agree with you TheCountofNowhere

Thank you Detroit

Detroit

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Thank you Detroit

Ah shucks! I'm flattered you care Count.

Andypandyboy

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

It appears as though your "accepted context of the word" inappropriate may be some of the problem.

I'm just using the actual definition of the word. Anything else would be inappropriate.

I should perhaps have said "accepted usage in the context of this discussion"

Mention bed sharing and immediately impropriety of a sexual nature springs to mind. You have dismissed that as an issue so we are left with the general usage which is more subjective.

Did she lie deliberately?
Was it a lie of omission?

What lies beneath?