Adult sharing bed with non-relative teen

LilElvis

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

The forum genius has finally posted.

It's taken 5 pages for someone to conclude that I thought this behaviour was unacceptable before I posted it.

Yes. Well done.

No-one has yet persuaded me I was/am wrong but I came into this open-minded. And I appreciated reading the other opinions.

Why so rude?

Not exactly the reaction I would expect from someone who is, in their own estimation , both open minded and appreciative of the views of others.

Andypandyboy

What a tangled tale!!

Pollycat

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Look out for a thread in the future titled "Is it ok for a 14 year old friend of my SIL to stay in my house when her parents think she is staying with my MIL in a separate hotel room (but she wasn't) and she had never met me or my wife before now and her parents don't know us?"

Nah!
I'll pass on that.
As I expect the majority of regular posters will.
Bye. :rotfl:

jackyann

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Just curious, but in which cultures is it normal for adults to share a bed with a child they are not related to?

Because in 50-odd years of life, and having visited a couple of dozen countries, (and even worked in several,) I have never known it.

This thread has become rather odd - but just to answer your question at face value:
In this country when I was a child (more than 50+ years ago) it was not uncommon, and I knew of it in parts of Europe that I visited.

I think it depends on the context in which you visited & worked in those countries. Quite likely you would not have been put in this situation. If you were a family, visiting another family, probably somewhere a bit out of the way, where everyone was going to be a bit squashed in, then you would be more likely to come across it.

However, I wish to comment no further on OP and her MiL

Detroit

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

I never said they did or didn't.



I've literally addressed this question in the most recent 3 or 4 posts I made in this thread.

Do you not feel that an online forum is the perfect place to get opinions from all different types of people? I wanted those opinions and I got them and I appreciate that. It opened my mind to a few things.

I'm sure it would be far more interesting if I posted that I was concerned that my MIL was a child abuser and asking whether I should inform the police, but that's not the case. I just wanted opinions on whether people thought it was ok for an adult to share a bed with a non-relative child after informing the parents differently.

Is it ok for that to be the purpose of the thread? Please could that be good enough?

You just wanted opinions on whether it is ok to do this after informing the parents differently?

I struggle to think of any situation where it's ok to do anything with someone else's child after misinforming the parents about what was to happen.

So the answer is so obvious it barely begs the question.

TheCountofNowhere

Detroit wrote: »

I struggle to think of any situation where it's ok to do anything with someone else's child after misinforming the parents about what was to happen.

So the answer is so obvious it barely begs the question.

You would think so, wouldn't you?

However:

Andypandyboy wrote: »

given what you have said, as a parent I wouldn't be overly concerned.

rach_k wrote: »

I wouldn't describe it as inappropriate.

ska_lover wrote: »

I cant see the big deal - as long as everyone is comfortable.

balletshoes wrote: »

why do you think its inappropriate?

meer53 wrote: »

I can't understand the issue really. Some families have no option, in some cultures it's normal.

LilElvis wrote: »

Personally I can't see why you're getting your knickers in a knot over her behaviour

And my favourite:

marleyboy wrote: »

The majority would say its fine if there are no objections from those participating

Detroit

I believe the people you have quoted above were offering opinions on the propriety of the sleeping arrangements, rather than the misinformation given to the parents.

TheCountofNowhere

Detroit wrote: »

I believe the people you have quoted above were offering opinions on the propriety of the sleeping arrangements, rather than the misinformation given to the parents.

Even if that were true (and it isn't for all of them), it still surprised me. Not saying they are wrong - I learned something.

Andypandyboy

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Even if that were true (and it isn't for all of them), it still surprised me. Not saying they are wrong - I learned something.

I rather think it depends on the motive of the person concerned.

You have only alluded to what you think it is, why not be straight and come out with it?

Nor have you answered the question as to whether your wife has spoken to her mother about it or what she thinks of it presumably knowing her mother better than you do.

Why did she only book one room with one bed?
Did she lie to the parent deliberately or did circumstances change between the conversation and the confirmed booking?

They are three females, so on the surface of it is is not completely inappropriate, but the motive of the adult is crucial.

If it is a wish to be "one of the girls" it is sad, unwise and a bit cringeworthy, but not "inappropriate" in the accepted usage of that term.

You need to flesh out the information here OP re motive.

marleyboy

TheCountofNowhere wrote: »

Look out for a thread in the future titled "Is it ok for a 14 year old friend of my SIL to stay in my house when her parents think she is staying with my MIL in a separate hotel room (but she wasn't) and she had never met me or my wife before now and her parents don't know us?"

I am sure we will wait with bated breath for it, but will wait patiently for you to post it.

I see no point in replying to it, particularly if your asking a question you have already formulated an answer to.