Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 2 - Groundhog Day

Bobarella

I'm so sorry Cat. You deserve better.

Florence_J

I'm also sorry If I cause offence. I obviously don't want you to cut OH out of your life, i'm trying to say concentrate on what you can do for you and the kids, and let OH decide what he will do for himself.

lcc86

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time CCL, sometimes you do have to be honest and give people home truths, whether they want to hear it or not. I hope your OH can get some support and that things will improve for you.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :coffee:
Thank you all SO much for your kind thoughts and words. I'm not offended by any of it - the truth does hurt sometimes and you're all right - I can't make him do anything. I wasn't aware of the DV thing EE - it's an interesting read. I was thinking about the fact that he's never done anything because he's never had to. His mother did literally everything for him, then he went from her to me. I know he wouldn't do anything like that intentionally - he won't be aware of how it's impacting. I always worry that I make him out to be such a ba****d but he's a nice bloke (not dissimilar to my own dad). But I stick by what I said - he needs way more help and support than I can give him and he does have to want to help himself...
The most bizarre thing happened yesterday. By 2pm he'd gotten up, done his hair and had a shave and was almost more chirpy than I've seen him in months. He announced that he was stopping drinking and also stopping his medication (against my gut instinct but I'm saying nothing) and that he was suffering a bit of withdrawl but he would get through it. Then came shopping with me and ds to the new L!dl to stock up on goodies for the week ahead and paid for it. Followed by putting the bins and rubbish out last night. Maybe some of what I said is finally sinking in, but we'll see. I'm certain that he needs to sort himself out now - I can want it for him but he needs to want it himself or it won't happen.
I really appreciate all of your concern about me - I am ok - just carrying on as normal and focussing on getting my own health back for the time being. I absolutely refuse to go through that level of stress again. I have made it clear to him that there needs to be no drinking at all - full stop. I've been sober for most of this year so no big deal - we can have no drink in the house.
Taking the kids out this morning to a big trampolining place - going with bestie and her ds. It's our 'day out' of the hols so I'll have plenty of coffee and catch up time with her today. I'm looking forward to it.
In other news, I'm about to become a DFW again Our remortgage has gone through but due to the rubbish mortgage we had in the first place (Together disaster by NRAM) there is an unsecured loan that has now become detached of almost £6000. They've shot the interest rate up to 9.9% so I'm seriously considering looking to refinance. Not as a consolidation but to get a better rate. Or, should I just keep overpaying and get rid of it as quickly as I can? Things to think about.
Right - I'd best get on - I need to be going out in about 30 mins! Thanks again for all of your help and advice.:A

lcc86

I'm happy to hear OH has made an effort, I think that shows that he thinks what you said had at least an element of truth to it. Not sure what advice I can offer about your remortgage, I'm not very au faix with secured/unsecured loans.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello:
Been overthinking, as usual. I know that dh would never hurt me or the kids intentionally. I think that he has such a permanent battle going on with himself that he doesn't realise what's going on around him. That's fairly normal for some people. I worry so much about pleasing other people that I forget about myself... He was in bed most of yesterday again and he's really struggling (probably with the withdrawl) but hopefully it'll be worth it longer term. The reason it's so hard for me to deal with is because I love him - way more than he will ever love himself, and it's so hard to watch someone you love destroying themselves.
Had a lovely day out with bestie and the kids yesterday - the kids loved the trampolining place and I was pleased that they got some quality exercise as well - it may be something I try to find the cash for on a more regular basis. Then we went for lunch at a pub, which was also lovely. I was quite shattered and headachey by the time I got home but (touch wood) I think I feel better than I did this time last week. Today is the last day of half term and I've got a few small plans - little bits that have been annoying me for a while that need to be done. I have a boot full of old clothes that need to be taken to my local cash 4 clothes place and cashed in (hoping for about £15) and I need to go and get my knee X-rayed as well. Then need to pop into Sunderland as I have a cheque to pay in and dd wants to do a bit of shopping - so I suspect that will keep us busy for most of the day. At the moment I'm still the only person in the house awake so enjoying a bit of peace and quiet.

Eager_Elephant

((CCL))


In no way was I implying that your DH was doing this intentionally, I doubt my DH did it intentionally but once I raised the issue with him it stopped and I can't say anything else on the DV list is relevant to us so I am happy with my lot (for now!!)


I agree that when someone has mental health problems that they become very insular and can only think about themselves - taking themselves off to bed for a sulk for a day is normal to them as battening down the hatches and going to sleep helps them cope by not having to deal with life. what they forget is the partner has to then do everything for the family and gets no rest or break from it.


Fingers crossed your DH can stop the drinking - I hate to see my DH drink, not because he is an addict but his mum was an alcoholic until she had a stroke and his brother is one at the moment. I worry that there is a genetic element to it.


Glad you had a great day out with your best friend - she's just the tonic you need.


Hope yesterday was a good day - enjoy your last weekend of half term!!

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :wave: :coffee:
I'm just recovering from a minor trauma. I'd let all of the cats out after breakfast as they do every day - then I heard a load of commotion and a dog barking. So I opened the door to see a huge white dog up at my garden gates, and my poor lovelies terrified in the garden. White dog didn't appear to belong to anyone - I chased it away. My poor naughty tortie is so angry that her tail has fluffed out to twice its size. One cat unaccounted for but that's fairly normal for the black cat.
Busy day yesterday - unintentionally. I dropped the boys off for football then went off to pets at home for the monthly cat food shop. I'm getting a bit peeved with Zooplus and how long it takes them to deliver. Also managed to spend £16 in £land, which is an achievement in itself I think and did a bit of shopping in BM. I've ordered dd's new bed, which is her main Christmas present, but now I have to urgently find some 4ft fitted sheets before its delivered on Thursday. I also can't seem to get anyone interested in taking her old bed for love nor money - that's a shame because it'll just get binned.
DH is still going through his withdrawal. He's due to go back to work tomorrow so I'm hoping that the situation improves before then. I like him a lot better when he's off the drink - even though I haven't seen much of him.
So - plans for today include finishing off 3 blankets that have been 'troubling' me for a while. Plus I need to go for my Xray because I didn't bother on Friday in the end. And I wanted to pop to our lovely L!dl as they have a good Sunday offer on phone chargers (for me to get for ds and put away for Christmas). And I also promised my trainer that I would get out for a walk at some point so should be able to kill all birds with one stone there. Drive the car to the healthcare place, have my Xray, walk to L1dl and back then home. Easy peasy...
In fact I think I'm going to do this sooner rather than later so that I can focus on getting these blimming blankets done and dusted.
Have a good day all :beer:

Bobarella

Wow it's been an eventful day at yours. Hope the black cat is back now?

crazy_cat_lady

Hi all :hello:
Sorry to have disappeared off the radar for a couple of days - life has just been mad busy and I've not had the time to do any stuff online. I had SO many emails when I finally got online this evening after 2 days off.
Sunday went pretty much as expected. Absolutely adore having L1dl so close to home now, and I'm really pleased that it sells healthy foods at a really good price. The black cat did turn up - thanks for asking Bob - and I did get the 3 blankets finished that I'd planned to as well.
Then it was back to work on Monday and wham! I feel like I've never stopped. It's been such a busy few days - and the behaviour of the kids hasn't been great. I got in Monday night and then had to go out to an event at dd's school, celebrating how well she's doing, which I was really thrilled with and I am so proud of her. By the time we got in from that, plus trick or treating it was almost 8pm so it was all I could do to sort dinner and get off to bed.
Yesterday was a full day of teaching, plus a meeting after school and then I had to take ds to football training - it was almost 9pm when I got in last night. Very cold and very tired. I did no knitting or crochet - just shower and bed.
Got up this morning - absolutely non stop at work all day again, and then a meeting after work that didn't go that well. I lost my temper unfortunately. It takes a lot for me to properly lose my temper, but when it goes it really goes and I just see red. I've apologised but I still feel pretty bad about it all, Unfortunately, it takes me a while to calm down and I was really unproductive after that. I had to leave cover work because I'm not in school tomorrow - day 2 of my union rep training (which I think I might need after today). Then on the way home my tyre pressure warning light came on in the car so I stopped off to refuel and pump tyres up - meaning I didn't get home until almost 7pm. I feel so worn out. But I think better within myself since I picked my diet up a little bit.
So tonight I've promised I'll catch up online - probably still no knitting or crochet will get done but other things are more important today. I get a bit of a later start tomorrow as well but I've had to bring quite a bit of work home with me.
As for dh he's still off the drink and he's managed to get into work as well. Hopeful and fingers crossed. Hope everyone else is doing ok. I'm off to catch up.