my turn to ask for perspective. .

Ilona

I don't have a significant other, but I would not get involved with someone who drinks alcohol every day. If his behaviour bothers you now, it's going to escalate once you are living under the same roof. He has no regard for your feelings and he is killing himself. Obesity, liver damage, heart attacks, diabetes, he is setting himself up to die though he would be oblivious to the dangers if you mentioned it. Your choice. Never mind about you messing this one up, he is the one who is messed up.

Ilona

beluga

Firstly, there's about 10 units in one bottle of wine (13.5% abv), so if he's drinking more than a bottle he's probably having more than 12 units.
Secondly, the guidelines suggest that the 'one unit per hour' countdown only starts once you've stopped drinking, and suggest adding an extra hour for the alcohol to enter your bloodstream to be on the safe side.

YOu might want to have a look at how much he's actually drinking per week and the impacts this can have on his health. Does he think it's a problem? There's not a lot you can do if he doesn't see a problem.

Good luck with it all x

lincroft1710

As recommended max is 14 units per week, bf is well over this limit!

Your choice. But I think he is alcohol dependent, and drinking habits usually get worse. Do you know if he is also drinking during the day.

DCFC79

Have you asked him why he drinks ?

I'd reconsider moving in together but it's your choice.

goodwithsaving

Alcoholism isn't something to be taken lightly. DO NOT move in together until this is sorted, if indeed it ever is. Never trust words, trust actions. 'I'll drink less' is easy to say. Believe me, it gets hard to leave the situation once you are living with it. Emotionally and financially.
Also, if drinking a lot you can't say it takes a bender to get caught over the limit. It may just be 'topping up' a lot of the time at which point, it's difficult to define when someone is over the limit without a breathalyser. Especially if they're used to alcohol and their tolerance has built over time. Does he hide alcohol?
You think he's a funny drunk now because you don't live with it. Try getting home to it each night and you'll be ground down. Please don't put yourself in the situation.
PM me if you need more help.

System

The staying up later is an issue a lot of couples have, i'm lucky my bf and i have similar sleeping patterns (and i love sleep so if he goes to bed early thats a binus for me ), but if you have different patterns it can become an issue.

The drinking i'd say is another issue (though as you said tied in with staying up later..guessing so he can drink more?). I;ve had some issues with alcohol myself, at one point i was drinking nearly every night. Now i don't drink if i'm at my bf's and limit it to max one night a week where i have a few cans (yes..i know still binge drinking to a degree but to say ive gone from every night to once a week its an small improvement ). Boxes of wine are the the goddamn devil, i used to easily drink one in one night, however after i had an argument with an ex caused by me drinking (and not remembering any of it) i no longer drink wine. At most its maybe 2/3 cans of lager now. My lightbulb moment so to speak was when i;d had too much to drink and sent a barly coherant message to the bf. He tried ringing e but id fallen asleep and he was worried sick about me He was awake all nigth worrying something had happened to me. After that i told myself i HAD to seriously cut down. He;s the best thing to ever happen to me and i don;t want to lose him a)because i was a drunken idiot or b)because i;ve drank myself to death. I think unless your bf understands what impact its having on you, your relationship and his health he;s probably unlikely to stop/cut down. Though perhaps another shot at cutting back (and not getting boxes of wine) might help, maybe a suggestion of at least 1 or 2 nights a week without booze? It won;t be easy, and really he needs to want to cut down for himself if its going to work.

Tigsteroonie

justme111 wrote: »

Liver eliminates alcohol at a rate of about one unit/hour. From 7pm when my bf starts drinking (not all the days by the clock but typical ) to 7 am when it is time to drive there are 12 hours. He does drink less than 12 units usually I think , ( I think one unit was about 130ml of wine which gives 12 units= 2 bottles) and even if it was so or more there is still some concentration of alcohol which would be below detectable threshold. Besides in habitual drinkers liver processes alcohol far faster. So I do not license would be an issue

Is this your opinion, or is this what he has convinced you? You might want to recheck those facts.

Mojisola

What would his reaction be if you asked him to have a couple of alcohol-free days a week? Could he do it?

justme111

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Is this your opinion, or is this what he has convinced you? You might want to recheck those facts.

I have medical background and I came across some data on it a few years later. I did not talk with my present bf about it.
To those who suggest a couple of days a week with no alcohol - he does have a couple of days a week with no alcohol at present.
Yes he hides drink - well not exactly hides but on the same line - removing empty bottles or boxes of wine out of my sight, swapping nearly empty box for a full one in the same position in the fridge when I am not around etc.
No he does not drink during day time that is sure.
Now , a big question to those of you who say his drinking is unacceptable - why is it not ? Because it is harmful to our health? But we do a lot of stuff which is harmful to our health , if we all were written off because of it as potential partners there would be nobody left ... where is the line between someone who "put a few pounds on" by eating crisps whcihc I would guess most of us did not think was as serious as to warrant the break up and someone who drinks like my bf does?
Bearnard , we are a bit older so (40s and 50s respectively) so I do not see why he would become aggressive suddenly at this age or not able to hold the job after like 30 years of working. Future can hold unpleasant things for any of us ; accepted drinking increases chances of them statistically.
Splishsplash , I have thought about it. I honestly do not know what I would advise to my hypothetical friend. Probably the closest is what I written in "Still in love but do not fancy" thread. Actually it was that thread that coincided with 3 days of quiet a bit of drinking on a trot that prompted me to post.
I would not call it naivete , I would call it optimism and experience of seeing many people change to better or worse depending o circumstances . Messed up's post confirms it can work. Whether it shall work in my case remains to be seen . The guy spends most of the week at mine anyway so him moving in will not change much. I know it is a bit risky ( what if he has an illness and not in a position to move out if I get fed up with drinking comes to mind , nothing else) , I shall take the risk.
I have been on mse board for many years so surely will be for some more and will let you know how things have developed..

Wellyboots6

Beluga: Firstly, there's about 10 units in one bottle of wine (13.5% abv), so if he's drinking more than a bottle he's probably having more than 12 units.
Secondly, the guidelines suggest that the 'one unit per hour' countdown only starts once you've stopped drinking, and suggest adding an extra hour for the alcohol to enter your bloodstream to be on the safe side.

This is correct.

Also, your idea that someone who is used to drinking will process alcohol more quickly is not really true. The liver will actually start to process alcohol slower when someone drinks large amounts regularly as it becomes 'tired'. This is why on a liver function test (simple blood test you can ask to have done) they measure how hard your liver is having to work. The harder it is having to work the more likely there is to be damage present.