my turn to ask for perspective. .

Tiddlywinks

justme111 wrote: »

You might have misread my post or I was not clear. He already changed .

If you edit the top of your very first post of this thread to read something like:

*** UPDATE ON PAGE 5 ***

It'll save new posters jumping in with suggestions before reaching the end of the saga.

justme111

Done thank you
I wish it to indeed be the end of a saga

spirit

My ex father in law was an alcoholic. I had absolutely no idea until after his death - nor did my husband.


He was so good at hiding it. They used to visit us quite often when our children were small. MIL would take the dogs out for a walk in the mornings and FIL would go and sit in his car during this time. I could see him sitting out there from the kitchen window and he'd have his newspaper open, I didn't see him actually drink.


So it only came to light after he'd died that he kept a bottle of vodka under his car seat and would drink from that. He also hid bottles all over their house and under the shed. MIL collected miniatures at one time and he'd even drank the contents of those and replaced with water hoping she wouldn't notice.


They can/do get devious in a bid to hide their habit, even from long term, live in partners.

justme111

Sure. He may be a KGB agent without me knowing it - anything can happen.

AylesburyDuck

justme111 wrote: »

I know it is earlier than a year but a few things changed so I thought I'd post an update.
We went ahead with moving in , I went on holidays shortly after posting this thread while the bf was moving in. Drinking continued , I do not remember whether there were any changes to it's pattern but my overall impression was the same. I kept quiet about it. Then 2 weeks after me rerurning from holidays and his official moving in date a massive life changing event has happened. Out of the blue I been diagnosed with an illness which meant I had to stop work with one day notice and uncertainty whether I will ever be able to work in my field again, whether I will have any sick pay and for gow long and how long I will live . Drinking continued. A few days after I realised I was more stressed about his drinking than about all the disasters I was facing. So I told him that. Since then his drinking been what I would have classed as normal - weekends only. I hope very much it is the end of that issue, I shall update you again in a few months.

justme111 wrote: »

You might have misread my post or I was not clear. He already changed .

I wish you both all the luck in the world with this, but would however post at the same time that 4-5 months is baby steps, so dont quite roll out the champagne yet, but its a start.:T

justme111

. I know , it is not even 4 months. Would not use alcohol for celebration in any case !:D

AylesburyDuck

justme111 wrote: »

. I know , it is not even 4 months. Would not use alcohol for celebration in any case !:D

Haha, yup poor choice of words on my part.
Face palm!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's easy enough to knock back half a small bottle of vodka in the time it takes to park up round the corner. And, for some reason, most people who drink vodka don't appear drunk in the way they would if they'd had the same amount of alcohol in beer.


To give you an idea, one of my exes always took 40 minutes to get from point a) to point b). Everybody else took 34 minutes.

One day, I thought I'd save him the journey and go and pick up a pint of milk before he got back, as I still had just under ten minutes.

Most people can guess what he was doing in the car as I walked round the corner. And he'd already done half the bottle before getting any further than the first corner from his departure point, so he was drinking and driving every day without fail.


Of course, then there were the offers to go and get bread, milk, etc, to save me the hassle, the trips to the loo at the supermarket that seemed to take far longer than I would have taken, the 'awful traffic' that never seemed to affect anybody else travelling the self same route.


At the same time, I found cans stashed behind the kickboard under the kitchen units and in the attic when he was 'helping sort things out up there'. I wouldn't be surprised if there had been booze in the cistern as well, as he spent a ridiculous length of time going to the toilet some days.


Yeah, he's changed alright.

Probably got sneakier.

justme111

Interesting. So you never heard of anybody whose alcohol consumption would ever decrease at some point in their lives ?
Sorry I just realised the above comes across as very insensitive. I am sorry you had to go through it with him. I hope you ok now.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

justme111 wrote: »

Interesting. So you never heard of anybody whose alcohol consumption would ever decrease at some point in their lives ?
Sorry I just realised the above comes across as very insensitive. I am sorry you had to go through it with him. I hope you ok now.

No, I haven't. Not when it's become a problem for everybody around them. Even in rehab, they were told that a successful class meant only 9 out of 10 of them would be back at square one within a year of discharge. What I've heard of is people who become better at hiding their alcohol consumption at some point in their lives.


Thanks for the second paragraph. Yes, I am OK, I met somebody who is a thousand times sweeter, smarter, funnier and kinder, and we're getting married next year.