Stil in love but no physical attraction

gabriel1980

Just tell her the truth - say that you're no longer attracted to her at the size she is. Like most women in a long term relationship, she's put on weight as she longer needs to try at the relationship. Give her some ultimatums, lose the weight, or I might need to look elsewhere. Tell her it's not acceptable.

megaginge

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Just tell her the truth - say that you're no longer attracted to her at the size she is. Like most women in a long term relationship, she's put on weight as she longer needs to try at the relationship. Give her some ultimatums, lose the weight, or I might need to look elsewhere. Tell her it's not acceptable.

That is awful advice!!!!

Lose weight, fatty, or I'll cheat on you / leave you?!?

How on earth is that going to help anything.

DigForVictory

I know I need to loose weight for medical reasons.
If my husband said loose weight or loose me, I'd get the divorce sorted, then loose the weight. After all, I need to protect not just my physical health but also my mental health.

The OP sounds concerned & not stupid. Unless he's still the ripped tiger she married, an appeal to her to help him may pay multiple dividends.

fairy_lights

hazyjo wrote: »

When you truly love someone, you love them. Not what's on the outside. What if she'd lost a leg, or got scarred, or had a degenerative disease.

But the OP isn't saying he loves his wife any less because of her weight gain, just that he doesn't find her as physically attractive.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Ugh, another one of these, and people wonder why I prefer to stay single!

Do you look exactly like you did the day you got married? Do you think you will forever? Be less shallow. She's probably just relaxed a bit because she feels content and secure and thinks you love her for who she is not her dress size, poor sod.

If she tells you she wants to lose weight, offer your support, but don't dare tell her you think she should!

The poor man can't help it if her body shape is not one that is 'fanciable' to him. He says he still loves her as a person.

I am overweight myself. All the OP can do, afaik, is gently encourage her, like he has been doing, but in the end any weight loss will have to be because she herself wants to do it. I've been there, done that and worn numerous tee shirts.

Georgiegirl256

breaking_free wrote: »

I'm female and 'shock, horror' I sympathise with the OP.
.

Me too.

It's nothing whatsoever to do with "being shallow". You can still love someone, but if you aren't attracted to someone in the same way, then there's obviously a good reason behind that.

1, Their physical appearance just doesn't do it for you anymore and
2, The lack of respect for themselves and heir unwillingness to do anything about it is also a massive turnoff.

I'm sorry, but there's no point in !!!!!footing around the issue, if it's causing problems in the relationship then the subject has to be broached. As diplomatically as possible obviously, but also as honestly as possible. What's the point in lying?

onomatopoeia99

Person_one wrote: »

Ugh, another one of these, and people wonder why I prefer to stay single!

Do you look exactly like you did the day you got married? Do you think you will forever? Be less shallow. She's probably just relaxed a bit because she feels content and secure and thinks you love her for who she is not her dress size, poor sod.

You are entirely dismissing the importance of both parties making a continuing effort to keep a relationship strong. "he/she loves me so I don't need to make any effort for them any more" is an awful attitude, whether adopted by a man or a woman.

And maybe I'm odd, but I don't consider drinking two bottles of wine (or the equivalent 6 to 7 pints of beer) every evening "relaxing a bit". I'd call it inconsiderate of the other person.

PlymouthMaid

The poor bloke hasn't said he doesn't love his wife even though she has obviously changed physically as we all do over the years. He is just being honest and I understand entirely where he is coming from. It probably isn't a physical problem which can be fixed by the doctor (if he knows bits work in other situations) unless said doctor is going to offer brain re-wiring. It is difficult but perhaps if OP starts a bit of a health kick himself it will make his wife have a moment of self reflection and maybe make changes too.

maman

I can understand your point of view OP.


Regardless of the intimacy side of things, your wife is drinking to dangerous levels and it's only too easy when drinking to nibble at unhealthy snacks.


I'd suggest she probably feels really awful about herself and is 'self medicating' with the wine and grazing.


Might she be menopausal?


I would talk to her about her health. Tell her you're worried about the amount she's drinking. Ask her what's wrong? Why her habits have changed in the past year or so? Weight will probably come up but tell her it's more than that. Tell her you love her and you want to help as she's not the person she was a year ago and you'd love that person back. Suggest she maybe visits the GP. Offer to go with her.


It could be she's just got herself into a mindset that she's getting older and weightgain is inevitable. It's not!!

dekaspace

Though I say this is one of those things that its more its not the weight that is the issue but the fact that in your head you are trained to see certain things as incorrect thus judge based on a individual cicumstance.

That being said I can see where the idea of disrespect comes from as some people are implying weight gain means they aren't making an effort which thus by their logic being thin means someone is making a effort.

But it really is hard to judge as we don't know the full situation it could be as simple as she has a good routine and just has nibbles whilst another person could have a bad routine and be slim so to me what would be bad is if she was pigging out at every occasion rather than have some snacks after every meal.

It would be easier for her to just cut back on the snacks rather than expect her to stop totally and exercise both physically and mentally so treat that as first port of call.

Or another way to word things is i'd be more worried about the alcohol excess which just happens to cause weight gain than the gain itself.