Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

Detroit

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

This is going to sound very pushy but you seem desperate so here goes !

If you live in Essex I'd be happy to go with you. I have no experience in education but a long career of attending gruelling customer interviews and making sure all issues were addressed.

EM x

Wow. Aren't you lovely! No one's alone on here are they?

pollypenny

I have sympathy for you, OP, but I agree that the priority is getting your son to school. Regular attendance will mean that he's no longer behind, the first step in ending his struggles.

Secondly, while you are struggling I think he's picking up on this. An unsettled household often has effects on pupils.

Re some of the things that he can't do - well, I muddle up putting the decimal point and I can't ride a bike either.

Spendless

My DD is 13, with no additional special needs. Maths is certainly a weakness for her. I realised last year that she struggled with fractions after she didn't understand my suggestion to 'write about 2/3rds of a page'. Even after I used the number 24 to illustrate my point about the difference between 1/4, 1/2, 1/3, 2/3 she didn't 'grasp' it. At parents evening I went to her teacher and repeated this story. He said it was something he had to keep going back to and said there seemed to be a lack of teaching fractions at Primary level. Likewise she struggles more with reading anologue watches/clocks because most things are digital.

I'm telling you this because you seem (understandably) lost as to what problems are caused by your child's extra needs and whether he is working at the right level or not. My child is older, without additional needs, struggles with some of the maths issues you mention but this doesn't mean she is behind or at the bottom (obviously she's not top of maths either).

If you are an 'older' parent, like myself it is quite different to our own schooldays. I don't recall seeing a digital watch until maybe my teens, so no other way to learn to tell the time and fractions and long division I was taught around yr5 or yr6, but it was only just being touched on I think when my kids were in these years.

Mojisola

deannatrois wrote: »

Both children have difficulties writing but the school won't let YS even occasionally or for larger essays write using a pc or ipad.

I've pleaded with them that it would enable him to concentrate on what he wants to write (free his brain and creativity which he has in bucket loads, his creative work is so good) rather than physically creating the letters.

I had the same discussion with my dyslexic son's school - the struggle to spell words right really limited his creativity.

I got them to agree that he would tell me what he wanted to say and I would scribe for him (computers weren't so common then!).

The first story he wrote after that was very good and I got called into school for a telling-off by the SEN and his class teacher who said that I wasn't helping him by doing his homework for him. I had taped his homework session so I pulled it out and made them listen to him telling me exactly what to write.

They were very embarrassed and had to finally admit that they had completely underestimated his capability because they couldn't see further than his poor spelling and consequent slow work.

Despite that, things didn't improve a lot and he moved schools to one who managed his problems much better.

[Deleted User]

Fbaby ok so shall I dig my hole or you lol? According to you I've created this whole problem by imagining the school will fail.., there's no problem and never was.

Where do you think my mistrust of his school came from? Was I like that on day one? Or did it come about from seeing him stressed out and going to the school and finding them denying over and over there was any kind of a problem. Over years. Every time I thought they were responding I'd get so hopeful. And then the same problems rose their head again because the agreement fell through, they weren't doing what they said they would. And they were denying yet again there was a problem. So of course, I then gave my son a lecture on how awful the school was. I didn't support the school at all. I never said to my son, this school is different, they're wonderful, they're trying.

Or do you think I went in on day one expecting my son to have ASD (I certainly didn't) and that the school would ignore it?

lol ok, shall we get down to it - am I making my son aspergic (you wouldn't be the first, apparently I am that clever, can tell my son how to act)? Or am I just imagining he is? Am I just imagining him getting stressed out and telling me he's miserable and why? Or was it just the first time and I created this whole problem by then expecting the school to fail every day since?

Oh and then I commit a crime, and arrange a test for him to do at short notice to give us an indicator how high his attainment is (telling him I expect him to try as hard as he can because I will know) so making damn sure he knows to fail. I guess that's why he knew to give the right answers in the ASD tests to make these highly qualified individuals think he's got ASD (I've done them, I know they are impossible to pretend with, and the psychologists who assess quite a few different aspects of you are very very skilled)?

With your arguments there is nothing else left for me to do. Here's the spade Fbaby.

And of course, I haven't done everything possible to get him into school. Including calling on his brothers assistance and frog marching him in, making damn sure he went in - although I can't rely on that assistance because he has ASD and bad days. Naw, I just turned over and went back to sleep because I couldn't be bothered and made sure he knew it was ok to make a fuss. I didn't make it clear that I wouldn't reward this behaviour. I didn't try as hard as I could. No of course not. I don't care, I expect him to do this.., from day one.

And you are assuming on one snapshot of the posts made when I am extremely disillusioned and assumed I haven't tried very very hard to collaborate with the school, over and over. And I am afraid been let down. And then i try again, trying to get them to see what is going on.

Do you know last year his teacher actually fell off her chair (I heard her) when I told her my son had been diagnosed as having ASD.

All meant slightly flippantly. But with meaning.

Excuse me while I take my son off for this test I'm telling him advertently or inadvertently to fail, just to give solidarity to my pessimistic expectations because I like living in that sort of world. I don't want to hope or dream of my son doing brilliantly.

FBaby

I really didn't mean to upset you with my post and certainly not to conclude that there was nothing for you to do. Remember that I don't know you, your son and the detail of your situation, so can only go by what you have written and share my interpretation of the situation. It doesn't mean it is correct, but provide a potential different perspective to the situation that you can consider or ignore.

As a whole, I think that when your perception of something goes against a number of people, some who are supposed to be expert in the matter (teacher, SW), without disregarding your own gut feelings, it is only fair to consider that they might have a point and therefore to listen to their assessment and reason why they came to it before disregarding them.

My advice would be to make a one to one appointment with his teacher and to say that you are surprised as her assertion that he is doing ok, especially in Maths and that it would really help you to put your mind at rest if you could go over his work, and what is expected at his level.

From the perspective of academic achievement, I experience concerns with my DD's education when I felt her secondary school wasn't challenging her to her level and was worried that she wasn't achieving to her ability. Despite the reassurance that I got from teachers for 4 years, I still wasn't totally convinced (but accepted it). However, she has now just finished her GCSEs and is likely to get top marks in all subjects.

My point is that I didn't trust what almost all her teachers were telling me because it didn't feel right, but it looks like I will proven wrong and as such, I'm glad I didn't do anything about it because ultimately, DD had a good experience at her school and my getting more involved would probably have compromised this to some extent.

What I believe you should focus on is getting reassurance from the school rather than taking actions to prove them wrong, but that's only my opinion.

bouicca21

Can't help but put my oar in. I think what Deanna needs is some objective data, so that both she and the school can make sound judgements.

Maybe Deanna is worrying unnecessarily. Maybe she isn't. None of us can know.

If the school is full of low achievers, then expectations are going to be low. If the school is not used to dealing with pupils with ASD they may not have appropriate expertise.

OTH Deanna may have unrealistic expectations but I've seen too many parents of children with special needs having to fight schools, social workers and council education officials to get appropriate help (including a child who had been in social services' care since birth and only had her severe learning difficulties recognised at age 7 because of her new and very determined foster parents) to write Deanna off as a pushy parent.

All those 'experts' have so many problems to deal with that children slip through unless they have an advocate. Easier to label a child than deal with the underlying problem.

[Deleted User]

He did really well. Wasn't really an assessment except she did a reading test with him (he went as high as her card went 13.9 yrs). She just asked him what he found difficult - the dreaded fractions came up, so she used different methods until he understood how to do a 'sum'. She went through the 9 times table with him and showed him a trick. And decimal places.

She said he was very intelligent but did have large gaps in his knowledge, which would stop him being able to do other things.

Only problem is, YS said if he did things with the methodology he liked that he'd been taught, the teacher would make him do it again, the school way. So much for the diversity in teaching methods they're supposed to use. I'm trying to get his father to speak to the school about this as he's a much better negotiator than me. I have been doing this so long and after last week, I'm too touchy with them.

She said the school have had the syllabus changed, with a lot more to be taught in a limited time, that they are getting a bit 'do it this way or else' and don't have time to stop and explain if someone doesnt 'get it' the first time.

So that's how I'm leaving it. I hope that's ok.

Sorry forgot to add, obviously I am going to be paying for a one to one lesson to help him fill those gaps. To see the sparkle in him as he was seeing he could do something he had previously found difficult was absolutely wonderful. I think its going to change things for him as long as I can get the school to accept that sometimes he will prefer to do things in a different way. Lets hope so.

Thanks for all the advice, I have really appreciated it.

pinkshoes

As a teacher, attendance really is key to success. The two generally go arm in arm together, hence schools are big on attendance, and need to flag up poor attendance as early as possible.

He often refuses to go to school, and you walk out of meetings set up for your benefit...

Seems to me that he has picked up on your 'flee when the going gets tough' attitude.

I know one parent whose daughter has ASD, and she goes into school with her daughter and sits in reception all day reading a book. When her daughter gets upset, she immediately talks her through the issue and she rejoins the lesson.

Perhaps it would be worthwhile thinking outside the box for strategies to help him?

pigpen

the gaps could be due to his low attendance though.. he has missed nearly 25% of the classes it will have an impact on his knowledge.

Maybe the reasons for not wanting to go need to be addressed first.. maybe he would be happier at another school or in a different class, he may simply dislike his current teacher or the teaching methods not work with his learning style.

Ours have a card system.. They raise a red card when they don't understand and a green when they do and the TA or teacher will help the ones with the red cards and explain further.. could the school implement this for your son?

My son had a 'time out' if he got stressed with his work/self/weather/other non-issue.. he had a chair outside of the classroom and the TA would go with him.. he was ignored to calm down and then went back to class... sometimes things got out of hand and I was called in... he only ever needed a hug and he would be fine again.