Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

theoretica

One problem with expected levels is that results alone will not distinguish between a bright kid doing poorly, for them, and a less bright kid doing really well, for them. But to the child concerned they will feel quite different.

peachyprice

sootikins wrote: »

Re-read the first post.

The school don't see any major problem with the child, he's doing pretty much as well as the other kids in the class. It's the mum who has stormed out of a meeting, refusing to co-operate with them.

Anyway, I hope (naively..) that things will improve, for all their sakes. Dad bit of a no-hoper, living on a boat, mum not quite able to cope/communicate for whatever reason, and child with ASD tendencies.

Far from unique situation these days, unfortunately. Would love to know what's causing all this "autism" now. It was pretty much unheard of in decades past.

I takes that as a no then. So probably best you butt right out.

peachyprice

sootikins wrote: »

There's always arguments going on on this board!

Remarkable knowledge for a new member.

Nicki

Do you have a Parents Advice Centre or Parent Partnership locally who could provide somebody to come with you to meetings with the school? That should be free of charge.

For specialist advice and a telephone helpline, try here;

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-education-for-parents/Special_Educational_Needs

They can be hard to get through to so be prepared to persevere

Grumpysally

A new member who has posted over 30 times since joining this morning. Most of them nasty. Do you think they are having billy goat for supper? Of the Gruff family.

BrassicWoman

deannatrois wrote: »

Thank you so much EricsMum for the offer of help. So very very kind but I'd cringe to ask anyone to do that lol. I will find a way..

I know you have been doing so very well being strong and coping. Sometimes you do just need to open up a wee bit and take help. whether it makes you cringe or not.

Most people LIKE to help and be needed. So really you're doing them a favour.

http://www.specialneedsjungle.com/advocates-for-children-a-free-sen-legal-advocacy-charity/

http://advocatesforchildren.org.uk/

haven't used them; but sometimes what you really really need is someone who knows how the system works and is on your side.

Stop cringing, get asking

[Deleted User]

groovy_chick wrote: »

OP, you are not creating a performance over nothing! I have every sympathy with what you are dealing with. We wish we could be there, sitting next to them and raising the red traffic light, but we can't and it's so frustrating.

I recently had a situation where my son wouldn't complete his work. He would produce half a page of writing from an hour long lesson and everyone was frustrated. When I met with his teachers , we suggested letting him use the computer, as this was his weapon of choice at home! Now, he types brilliant long stories and is proud of them. Your school need to look for ways that they can get the best out of him.

Not everyone learns in the same way. In adult training courses we acknowledge this, however for some reason we fail to diversify with children.

Gc x

Again totally agree. Both children have difficulties writing but the school won't let YS even occasionally or for larger essays write using a pc or ipad. I've pleaded with them that it would enable him to concentrate on what he wants to write (free his brain and creativity which he has in bucket loads, his creative work is so good) rather than physically creating the letters. School says he has to learn to write but they aren't living in the current age where most things can be done electronically, even form filling. My older son copes fine without writing.

But I just seem to be powerless to get anyone to listen. Diversity in teaching methods seems to be a lip service word.

[Deleted User]

Parent partnership are very underesourced. I did try to get them to help months ago but it was a bit difficult to get any replies out of them so I did drop it after a while. Some of their advice turned out to be incorrect unfortunately.

I have involved my YS's father. Had his son telling him what he felt at school, what was happening. He's not totally on board, thinks I influence what the children say which is a bit yukky, but I think we are both waiting to see what, if anything, this test shows up tomorrow.

I have to be honest though, I think whatever I say, I'm damned. Listening to my son's father speaking, there was an answer for everything as to what I'm doing to create the situation. I keep waiting for a light bulb to go off in someone's head, for them to understand what I am saying but lol.. it never happens. Either that's because I am totally wrong or I'm just not explaining it with the right words lol.

Like the thing where my YS told the FLO (who is supposedly specially trained in communication skills with special needs kids) that he was happy at school (to shut her up he says because she kept asking questions quickly, one after the other and then interrupting when he tried to answer). No one thought to double check his answer (ask it in a different way, give him time to think and answer) like I do. I do find the school tend to ask him a question, I've seen him get three words into an answer, then they start to answer for him, almost as if they are telling him what to think. Its awful to watch. Particularly with a child who can be very verbal when allowed to be if he's given time to think his way through what he wants to say. Because he's verbal, they think he has no communication problems but he does. Over stress him and you get nothing. Give him time and prepare to say WOW when you realise the level of insight he has. He obviously spends a lot of time thinking about things.

Thank you for those advocacy links Brassic-Woman, I've emailed one of them with the story. Please please let them reply.

Thank you so much for your support, even if you don't agree, reading the answers makes me think. I'm not going to give up even if I do wonder (like everyone else) if I'm the main problem.

Just written an email to Kent Autistic Trust as well.

Detroit

Hi,

What stands out to me from your post is the lack of support you have in general.
I've read your other posts and know you've had some challenging times. I've also seen the posts where you've helped and inspired others, so I'm sorry you are alone with this.

I think building a network of people there for you should be a priority, as while this won't resolve your problems, it shares the load and gives perspective. While the people on here are, mainly (!) fantastic, it's hard for us to know if the school or you are right, as we're not there. Real life support is necessary for this.

Talk again to your social worker, and if you don't find them helpful, request to change.
There are all sorts of support groups for parents, Google what's available in your area.
Try to find groups for parents with children with your sons condition.
There are also voluntary agencies in some areas that provide advocacy services, who may attend meetings with you. Ask at CAB. They don't do this, but will know of local resources.
If your son gets DLA, spend this as it's intended on the costs of his disability, taxis to school, respite for you.

While your worries about your son academically are understandable, I
think this is lower priority at the moment than his refusal of school, and your powerlessness in this situation.
I don't want to add to your worries, but if you can't control him at 10, your position as he gets older, bigger and stronger, will be impossible. You need help to address this asap.
This is in no way a criticism of your parenting, I realise he has a diagnosed behavioural condition and it's not easy, but please be persistent in accessing help.
You did this before with your housing, so clearly have great tenacity and strength. Apply the same skills to getting support for you.

FBaby

What I am going to say is in no way trying to undermine your concerns or to say that the school is right and you are wrong, but the vibes I am getting from your post is that your mistrust of the school, the reasons being not very clear, might have much more of an impact on how your son feels about going to school and perform than what you think the school is failing to do.

The only thing I have gathered that is an issue about the school from your perspective is their assessment of your son's maths skills and you have no clear evidence so far that they are wrong. You taking him to do a test, all arranged quickly so will come across that it is an emergency, is only going to reinforce his negativity towards school and right not to go if he doesn't want to. The test itself will mean nothing at all. You say that he was prepared to pretend to the school saying that he liked school when he doesn't, so how can you be sure that he won't do the same on the test and perform badly to please you because he will clearly pick up on the fact that this test means a lot to you.

I have no doubt that your concerns about his achievement are genuine, but the way you go about trying to get reassurance isn't the way to help your son. You have a teacher and social worker, both expert, saying that he is doing ok. His father believes that your son's attitude is influence by your influence, and this is coming across in your posts.

Ultimately, you will have no choice but to work with the school and authorities, so you are much better taking a cooperative attitude and trying to work with them. There is nothing wrong in challenging their assertions, but you can do that collaboratively rather than by taking steps to try to prove them wrong.

At the moment, your focus should be on making sure your child attends school regularly so his performance is not impacted on how much class he is missing. For that, you need to make him believe that you feel school is good for him, not the opposite, especially when ultimately, there are ways you can help him with his math skills as it has been suggested here.

Kids, especially those with mental health/learning difficulties will pick up on their parents' emotions and will go with them to feel safe. Your clear negativity towards the school is likely to be one, if not the, reason why he is refusing to go to school.