Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

[Deleted User]

I have a ten year old, diagnosed last year with ASD.

He has 79.8% attendance due to a refusal to attend school when problems occur. On the one hand the school 'seem' to be trying to help, but agreements in their mind never seem to be quite what I understood, extra help is ad hoc although they say not. I have warned them about problems occurring (based on what my son says he is struggling with), they do nothing and then it blows up and he won't go to school.

He has a social worker, she seemed very understanding. Felt we had someone on side.

Then yesterday I had a rather interrogative 'Child in Need' meeting (based on his attendance and my concerns) asking me 'what did I want from the school'. Everything I said I was told I wasn't answering the question. I got quite stressed and walked out.

Today I have an email from the social worker saying his test results are on par with his class and expectations for year. I don't understand how this can be. My son tells me he is rarely able to answer more than 2 questions in any maths test (my main concern), he can't tell the time, multiplication tables are difficult, he can't do fractions, decimals (change decimal places), long division. Well not when I try to do homework with him anyway.

They could be right, I could be making a fuss about nothing but I don't understand how what I see can be so different to what they see. They refuse to get an educational psychologist in (saying there's a waiting list for the waiting list to get one in - they're an academy).

I don't know how to establish if I AM insane and imagining things, or they are somehow skewing test results. I can't see either option as being true but don't know how to find out. Can I ask to see his end of year exam papers and get them independently assessed. I am on benefits but it would be worth it to me to see if I am wrong.., or they are.

I told the social worker yesterday I needed a break, she suggested in the email that my son could go to his father who two weeks ago she said he shouldn't see anymore unless he wants to because it was an abusive relationship and he's scared of him (I was trying to figure out what was the best thing to do, encourage/force contact or take the pressure off). The man lives on a boat with no water, no toilet and no electricity (don't ask).

Am I the insane one or is it just the rest of the world lol? I don't know what to think. This email has thrown me totally. Its like there's their reality and then there's mine. Tell me I'm mad if you like, I'd rather know.

I really hope someone can help.

Loanranger

You walked out of the meeting set up to help your son?
You ask for help here?
Perhaps you should be returning to the school apologising for wasting their time and asking for a new meeting to be set up ASAP.

[Deleted User]

Fair enough. Not going to happen sorry, too too stressful. Call me feeble but facing four authoritative people is not something I am good at.

And to be honest, what is the point?

But I guess there's no point to anything.

Mojisola

deannatrois wrote: »

Then yesterday I had a rather interrogative 'Child in Need' meeting (based on his attendance and my concerns) asking me 'what did I want from the school'. Everything I said I was told I wasn't answering the question. I got quite stressed and walked out.

These meetings can be very stressful.

I went with a friend to meetings like this about her son because she was struggling when faced with a group of 'professionals'. In advance of the meetings we talked through what she wanted to say and what she wanted the school to do.

We took notes of these things in with us and I kept track while she tried to get her points across. Every time I saw her starting to get stressed, we took a moment to review where we were in the list and it gave her the chance to take a few deep breaths and relax.

I also made notes of what the school promised to do. After the meetings we put together a letter saying that she understood the school would be doing A, B and C and would they confirm that and that she would do X, Y and Z with her son.

It kept everything on an even keel during the meetings and made the school stick to what they said they would do.

fairy_lights

deannatrois wrote: »

And to be honest, what is the point?

But I guess there's no point to anything.

The point is, you need to be able to communicate with the school if you want your son to get the help he needs. Do you have any friends who you could take along with you for moral support if you have another meeting?

arbrighton

Can you take a friend with you to help keep you calm? You''re going to have to engage with them in order for your son to get support

[Deleted User]

I am afraid I am a saddo with no friends. Know that sounds unbelievable but its true.

Is there a way of getting my son's level of attainment assessed independently?

Nargleblast

You said the social worker is understanding, can she go with you to the next meeting as a supportive professional?

Nargleblast

Another alternative, if your boy finds school stressful, is to take him out of school and educate him at home. You would need to research this carefully, though, as it would mean a lot of work on your part.

Andypandyboy

You do need to engage with the process. Can the social worker not put you in touch with an advocate who could go with you?

Why would the school lie about his results?

You can ask for the papers and see if you can get them assessed by another local school.

Attendance that low is worrying. Refusal to attend school? That is something you need to sort out. No one but you can get him to school. If you really believe it is the school, you need to consider changing schools.

Mojisola

deannatrois wrote: »

I am afraid I am a saddo with no friends. Know that sounds unbelievable but its true.

It can be helpful to say at the start of the meeting something like - "I feel very anxious and stressed having to face all of you and I am so concerned about my son that I'm very emotional so can you all please make some allowances for that".

For the professionals, it's just another meeting about another child - for you it's personal.

You can pay for a private assessment but you will then have to get the school to accept the findings.

You could also pay someone to come to the meeting to support you - that would probably be cheaper.