Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

steelee_uk

Have you tried getting advice from the National Autistic Society?

http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/about-us/contact-us.aspx

I'm in Scotland but our Scottish Autism were really good at helping me understand the school process and put me in touch with a local group who offer to attend meetings with you.

I'm guessing they hear a similar story from many parents.

I was a very strong person but the reality of constantly pushing back to the school takes its toll, and I'm not surprised you're finding it difficult. You never know if you're doing the right thing, or if you're not doing enough (or if you're being unreasonable and alienating the people who are trying to support your child).

Good luck x

pigpen

http://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexic/dyscalculia

Try these.. dyslexia is a letter problem, dyscalculia is a number problem..

DS2 has severe dyslexia and the Dyslexia Institute were horrified at the level he was working at for his age due to no support at school at all. Give them a call and ask for an assessment, it was about £250 when we had his done years ago but I don't know how much it is now but it is on their website. These go hand in hand with ASD's.

Get in touch with the local ASD group, they often have members who will come to those meetings to support you, take notes, raise relevant points etc.

Was it a CAF assessment they were doing or just a general meeting?? These meetings at school do feel like very negative meetings, highlighting all your childs 'failings' but they are to provide a way forward and build the support framework they need.. Have you seen his test results? He might be saying he has answered 2 questions but he may have done them all and just not telling you the entire truth.. speak to his teacher about the tests, ask her to discuss the results with you because the info you have been given is contradictory and you would like a clear answer.. don't go in on the defensive, be calm and pleasant.

Write a list of the items you want to discuss and the areas DS feels he is failing/struggling and make an appointment with the teacher and discuss it with her/him... then if necessary make an appointment with the senco.. seeing them individually will give you an idea whether they are singing from the same song sheet or not.. and will be less stressful, overwhelming, daunting for you.

I'm so pleased mine with issues have left school it was a battle from day 1!

My 20 y/o can't tell the time, nor tie shoe laces, nor ride a bike. He can't spell to save his life and his idea of Hell is an essay! Maths he can do!! Yours isn't the only one!!

tea_lover

Ignore this (of course ) if it's not an option at all but how mature is your older son? Would he be in a position to come to a meeting at the school with you? Even if it's just so you feel there's someone in your corner.

FBaby

But it could also be that I am right. I've been there in meetings (more than one) where I talk about his maths and my concerns, they then start talking about his literacy (in which he does very well) and then apply that globally.., saying he's improving and doing well globally, totally ignoring the maths element of school work.

You come across as very expectant of his mathematical skills. Many kids hate and are not good at Maths and never will be preferring literacy subjects. Many are delighted to get a C at Maths GCSEs. Could that be your son and could you be putting too much pressure on him?

Out,_Vile_Jelly

deannatrois wrote: »

. He should be able to do multiplication, tell the time

I could read and write before I started school but I couldn't tell the time or tie bows (and therefore wear lace-up shoes, which was devastating as buckles were so square) until I was 12/13. Children are good at different things and develop at different rates. I went on to get two degrees, one in Arts and one in Natural Science.

If the school is telling you his maths is ok, then ask for evidence- what does he score in tests, and what is the class average.

He may be finding doing homework with his (easily stressed) mum a bit intense- could you look for a homework tutor in your area? University students often do maths/science tutoring for spare cash and can be more flexible in their approach than a conventional teacher.

esmy

Would this be of any help? Maybe worth seeing if there is an organisation in your area

http://www.iassnetwork.org.uk/

Just to add, I gave up trying to help my kids with Maths at home other than really basic stuff, as the way they were taught was very different to the way I was, long division in particular

kingfisherblue

As others have said, these meetings can be stressful. I had one earlier this week and kept asking them to stop while I wrote down what was being said (transition into adult services for my son).

It might be worth checking to see if there is a Parent Partnership or a carer's centre in your area. They can usually support and advise you, and might be able to accompany you to future meetings to make notes and to help keep things focused. Otherwise, ask Social Services if there are any local autism support groups - other parents can help you.

You might want to list your concerns and how you are addressing them, plus what support you are seeking from the school. I know it's hard, but try to be realistic. Maybe maths just isn't your son's strong point. I'm 47 and still haven't mastered long division - but I'm good at other subjects.

It's exhausting being the parent of a child with SEN, especially if you have little or no support. Try to make time for yourself as well, just to relax. Easier said than done, I know! But necessary so that you have the strength to support your son.

bouicca21

The other thing that everyone needs to bear in mind is that some teachers do have somewhat low expectations. I remember being worried about one of mine who was very bright but seemed to me to be borderline dyslexic, only to be told by the teacher that she was one of the best spellers in the class. Heaven knows what the rest were like. All changed the following year with a different teacher who did not let them coast along.

pmlindyloo

I think it is important to separate out all your concerns.

Why is your son refusing to go to school? Is this something that the school can help with?

You say 'when he has problems' ( I hope that's right - can't get to your first post!)

What are these problems?

Are they connected to his ASD or are they about his learning?

I realise there may be some overlap but it is important that you try to find out if there is one particular problem that the school might be able to help with.

For instance, if he is having difficulty because he has no friends then the school may be able to put into place something to help.

If he is having difficulty with understanding the lessons then this is a separate area.

I think things may be getting 'muddied' because you may have given the impression that 'everything' is wrong and were 'accusing' the school of not providing the support that you think your son needs. (sorry, not meant to be judgemental or accusing)

Please do not think that I am on the school's side here. Unfortunately, many schools do not have the knowledge or resources to help/support individual children.

I do not know whether your son is year 5 or 6. If he is year 6 then he should have done his SATs and you would know from the results how he is doing.

If he is year 5 then the particular Maths that you mention seem to be areas that many children struggle with.

It does not help that parents often use quite different methods to the school and confuse the children even further!

I have long admired your strength during the last months when your personal circumstances have been, quite frankly, enough to send anyone over the edge. I can perfectly understand your need to do everything you can for your son but being 'not so good' at Maths is not the end of the world.

I always encouraged my parents to write notes on their children's homework - **** did not understand this so have not completed it - takes the stress out of homework and gives a heads up to the teacher that he needs to go over this again.

As regards multiplication tables they are rarely taught at school. Start singing them at home - get a tape - get a tables chart - teach him how to reverse the tables 4x7 =28 so 7x4 is 28. Not so many tables to learn then! Get a pack of cards and 'do' the two times tables, so 2 times whatever card you turn over (pictures are 10 and aces are 1). Concentrate on one table at a time. Ask over breakfast, walking down the road/whatever.

And above all, try to find the root of your son's refusal to go to school and just concentrate on that one area.

Kaye1

My 9 year old excels at literacy and is not great at Maths. No big deal- it is just the way she is.

Maths takes ages to sink in- she can't do decimal places but she can do time.

With literacy she can just 'see' it- she is a natural. Maths- nope. We don't make a fuss; just help when we can. I think some children have a natural aptitude for some things and not others.

I think they have 'lightbulb' moments- laces took ages then one day she just 'got' it and didn't look back. She can do all her times tables except for '8' which seems to make her brain hurt! We are careful to not pressurise her and we talk about how different people have different strengths.

How does he function in the class? Does he chat when spoken to, follow directions, eat his lunch and tidy his plate away, dress himself for PE, sit quietly during reading?

I hold absolutely no truck with tests and the school know this (and are fine with it). She won't be doing any SATS. What I want to know is she engaged, learning, socialising, enjoying school. Not ticking a piece of paper.