Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

pmlindyloo

deannatrois wrote: »

He did really well. Wasn't really an assessment except she did a reading test with him (he went as high as her card went 13.9 yrs). She just asked him what he found difficult - the dreaded fractions came up, so she used different methods until he understood how to do a 'sum'. She went through the 9 times table with him and showed him a trick. And decimal places.

She said he was very intelligent but did have large gaps in his knowledge, which would stop him being able to do other things.

Only problem is, YS said if he did things with the methodology he liked that he'd been taught, the teacher would make him do it again, the school way. So much for the diversity in teaching methods they're supposed to use. I'm trying to get his father to speak to the school about this as he's a much better negotiator than me. I have been doing this so long and after last week, I'm too touchy with them.

She said the school have had the syllabus changed, with a lot more to be taught in a limited time, that they are getting a bit 'do it this way or else' and don't have time to stop and explain if someone doesnt 'get it' the first time.

So that's how I'm leaving it. I hope that's ok.

Sorry forgot to add, obviously I am going to be paying for a one to one lesson to help him fill those gaps. To see the sparkle in him as he was seeing he could do something he had previously found difficult was absolutely wonderful. I think its going to change things for him as long as I can get the school to accept that sometimes he will prefer to do things in a different way. Lets hope so.

Thanks for all the advice, I have really appreciated it.

Very interesting. The assessor seems an unusually well informed and a 'girl after my own heart'. Would it be possible for her to recommend someone who endorses her teaching methods to tutor your son for a while?

It is now very near the end of term and it would be sensible (IMHO) to 'let things lie' for a while as regards your son's school.

Will he be changing class/school this September? Might be a chance to start afresh.

I suspect it is going to be very difficult for your son's school to change their teaching methods as regards Maths. Teachers and school are very regulated as regards what they need to cover and the methodology. You may be fighting a losing battle here.

May I make a suggestion for next year?

If your son's new teacher is open to meeting with you at the start of the year could you ask if she/he would put an example of 'how to do it' at the top of each homework sheet? You could just say that you want to help but find it difficult because you were taught in a different way.

This shouldn't be a hugely time consuming job for the teacher so they, hopefully, will agree. In my experience this is very helpful to parents and they soon see that many of the methods used actually make sense.
It would also be useful for the tutor to see.

I hope things work out for you and your son.

FBaby

So now you can be reassured, your child is mentally able so the school wasn't wrong to say they were not worried.

Only problem is, YS said if he did things with the methodology he liked that he'd been taught, the teacher would make him do it again, the school way. So much for the diversity in teaching methods they're supposed to use. I'm trying to get his father to speak to the school about this as he's a much better negotiator than me. I have been doing this so long and after last week, I'm too touchy with them.

I think there are two issues here. The first is that school can only do their best adapting to individual pupil needs. The reality is that they can't provide the level that would please all parents. That's the reality of state school and why some parents make sacrifices to put their kids into private schooling.

The other issue is that you can't say that your son is not progressing enough because the school doesn't support him enough on the basis of his individual school when the reason why he is stuggling to pick up on the methods used is highly likely to be affected by his poor attendance. If he misses one or two lessons which focus on practicing the method so that pupils understand it and learn to apply it, of course he is going to struggle with the method.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but I'll say it again, I really do think you need to shift your mindset and work with the teachers rather than against them. I found for myself that teachers are much more likely to want to give more attention to your child's individual needs if they feel they are being supported by the parent rather than scrutinised and judged. They are human beings after all and I don't blame them for it.

theoretica

The person I know best with ASD needed home teaching to survive school. When a lot of the material he encountered in class was already familiar this gave him more of his energy and attention to deal with simply being around so many people which he found extremely draining.

iammumtoone

I think you need to separate the issues, this may be hard as I appreciate that once you feel you have to 'fight' then you get into a mindset that you have to fight for everything all the time, that is not the case, you need to step back and look objectively at the issues that need resolving.

He is not very good at Maths, personally I would put this to one side at this stage, lots of children struggle with maths and get along just fine (once he leaves he can use a calculator!)

You struggle to get him to school, this needs working on and you need to try to accept any help that is given to you for this (even if you don't agree with what they are saying)

I know how it is to struggle. I struggle myself to get my son to school but fortunately I do not have heath issues and own a car. It is hard to get an older child to school, somethings I have to carry/drag/pull my kicking and screaming son into the car (who all the time is trying to get to under the table to hide there). Even without heath issues I could not do that for half a mile, I just have to get him into the car and drive (I don't strap him as that would be impossible) Luckily we don't have to go far and only on quiet roads. I then go to work. I have to do this as I HAVE to get him to school and HAVE to get to work on time. Very often I will be crying on the way to work and have to pull myself together before I get there.

I do wonder if I didn't have a job (not a option I could not afford to live) and kept him at home on these days then maybe I would get the chance to speak to professionals, which I would love to be able to get access to.

My son can't write, at his age (9) he should be able to so I understand your thinking about your sons maths but to me whilst I am of course very concerned about this, it is not the major issue, there are a lot of things I would like help with first. The school are not interested in this writing as like your son he is intelligent so they just say give it time.

I am not criticising you, it must be hard, I can't image what it is like, my son has no diagnoses, there is nothing wrong just bad parenting which I have been told in not so many words when I tried to tell the school my issues. All the doctors say is "is there any problems at school" grrr

From somene who would love to have help, please try to take it and however hard it must be work with it. It is not available to everyone and as much as I appreciate you won't feel it, you are lucky to have it and at least the school are speaking to you about the issues, even that I would be grateful for.

Please don't take this post the wrong way, I know what it like to think that it is always you in the wrong. I am not saying that, just trying to get you to look at the situation from a different perspective.

Good Luck.

seven-day-weekend

pigpen wrote: »

http://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexic/dyscalculia

Try these.. dyslexia is a letter problem, dyscalculia is a number problem..

DS2 has severe dyslexia and the Dyslexia Institute were horrified at the level he was working at for his age due to no support at school at all. Give them a call and ask for an assessment, it was about £250 when we had his done years ago but I don't know how much it is now but it is on their website. These go hand in hand with ASD's.

Get in touch with the local ASD group, they often have members who will come to those meetings to support you, take notes, raise relevant points etc.

Was it a CAF assessment they were doing or just a general meeting?? These meetings at school do feel like very negative meetings, highlighting all your childs 'failings' but they are to provide a way forward and build the support framework they need.. Have you seen his test results? He might be saying he has answered 2 questions but he may have done them all and just not telling you the entire truth.. speak to his teacher about the tests, ask her to discuss the results with you because the info you have been given is contradictory and you would like a clear answer.. don't go in on the defensive, be calm and pleasant.

Write a list of the items you want to discuss and the areas DS feels he is failing/struggling and make an appointment with the teacher and discuss it with her/him... then if necessary make an appointment with the senco.. seeing them individually will give you an idea whether they are singing from the same song sheet or not.. and will be less stressful, overwhelming, daunting for you.

I'm so pleased mine with issues have left school it was a battle from day 1!

My 20 y/o can't tell the time, nor tie shoe laces, nor ride a bike. He can't spell to save his life and his idea of Hell is an essay! Maths he can do!! Yours isn't the only one!!

My 36 year old son can't tie a tie ,can tie laces but couldn't when he was ten, can't find his way around unfamiliar places (but can read a map!), has dyscalculia and terrible handwriting. I'm not sure whether he can read an analogue clock - will ask him.

ASDs were not diagnosed as such when he was at school, so we've had to sort it out by ourselves.

Might it help your son if you changed the school, or would your son find that even more stressful?

We found what helped our son, when he was older, was him learning things parrot fashion. Even so, he never mastered a foreign language, despite being incredibly bright.

Wishing you and your son well.

bouicca21

I dont understand why the teacher would be bothered about doing things a different way as long as it works. My youngest could not understand subtraction as taught at school (i.e. the proper mathematician's way where you do everything on the top line). I taught her my old fashioned way and she got it straight away. School were surprised but happy that she could now get the right answers.

liney

The new National Curriculum states that children must master traditional long and short, division and multiplication by the end of primary school. If they do not, then they are deemed to not be working at the National Standard for Year 6. This is why the school will be insisting the children learn these methods.


Also, I noted the OP taking about moving decimal points: decimal points do not move, they just look like they have. A teacher will not be telling children to 'move the decimal point' because it is mathematically incorrect.


I would concentrate on getting your son to school every day, as his gaps are almost definately from missing lessons on new concepts and consolidation! Clearly, his origional statement that he could only answer one or two questions was simply not true and improve attendence will improve his subject knowledge. I'm suprised the Educational Welfare Officer is not involved yet?


I teach Year 6, so if you have any questions about methods you can PM me if you like.

Mojisola

bouicca21 wrote: »

I dont understand why the teacher would be bothered about doing things a different way as long as it works. My youngest could not understand subtraction as taught at school (i.e. the proper mathematician's way where you do everything on the top line). I taught her my old fashioned way and she got it straight away. School were surprised but happy that she could now get the right answers.

Teachers should be using any method that works.

If one method doesn't click with a child, the teacher should show some different ways of it.

FBaby

deannatrois wrote: »

Fbaby ok so shall I dig my hole or you lol? According to you I've created this whole problem by imagining the school will fail.., there's no problem and never was.

Where do you think my mistrust of his school came from? Was I like that on day one? Or did it come about from seeing him stressed out and going to the school and finding them denying over and over there was any kind of a problem. Over years. Every time I thought they were responding I'd get so hopeful. And then the same problems rose their head again because the agreement fell through, they weren't doing what they said they would. And they were denying yet again there was a problem. So of course, I then gave my son a lecture on how awful the school was. I didn't support the school at all. I never said to my son, this school is different, they're wonderful, they're trying.

Or do you think I went in on day one expecting my son to have ASD (I certainly didn't) and that the school would ignore it?

lol ok, shall we get down to it - am I making my son aspergic (you wouldn't be the first, apparently I am that clever, can tell my son how to act)? Or am I just imagining he is? Am I just imagining him getting stressed out and telling me he's miserable and why? Or was it just the first time and I created this whole problem by then expecting the school to fail every day since?

Oh and then I commit a crime, and arrange a test for him to do at short notice to give us an indicator how high his attainment is (telling him I expect him to try as hard as he can because I will know) so making damn sure he knows to fail. I guess that's why he knew to give the right answers in the ASD tests to make these highly qualified individuals think he's got ASD (I've done them, I know they are impossible to pretend with, and the psychologists who assess quite a few different aspects of you are very very skilled)?

With your arguments there is nothing else left for me to do. Here's the spade Fbaby.

And of course, I haven't done everything possible to get him into school. Including calling on his brothers assistance and frog marching him in, making damn sure he went in - although I can't rely on that assistance because he has ASD and bad days. Naw, I just turned over and went back to sleep because I couldn't be bothered and made sure he knew it was ok to make a fuss. I didn't make it clear that I wouldn't reward this behaviour. I didn't try as hard as I could. No of course not. I don't care, I expect him to do this.., from day one.

And you are assuming on one snapshot of the posts made when I am extremely disillusioned and assumed I haven't tried very very hard to collaborate with the school, over and over. And I am afraid been let down. And then i try again, trying to get them to see what is going on.

Do you know last year his teacher actually fell off her chair (I heard her) when I told her my son had been diagnosed as having ASD.

All meant slightly flippantly. But with meaning.

Excuse me while I take my son off for this test I'm telling him advertently or inadvertently to fail, just to give solidarity to my pessimistic expectations because I like living in that sort of world. I don't want to hope or dream of my son doing brilliantly.

You added all this to your post after I posted further and I don't know why you feel the need to be flippant about your situation. I made it clear that my comments were purely in regards to your concerns about his mathematical skills, which have been the key feature of your posts.

I have made no comments at all relating to his ASD diagnosis and if the impact this is having on his schooling, but then you haven't said much about it until this post.

I really don't feel that my posts were aggressive or judgmental, as a matter of fact, I made an intended effort to make sure they were, yet you've reacted very strongly to them just because I've written things that clearly don't agree with you. Inevitably, it makes me wonder whether this has been the issue with the school, with you taking on a defensive attitude just because the teachers were not telling you what you wanted to hear without considering what they were suggesting. Maybe not, but again, we can only go by what is being written. I do sincerely wish you good luck.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

Teachers should be using any method that works.

If one method doesn't click with a child, the teacher should show some different ways of it.

Surely that depends on if they're going to be doing work in the future that needs a foundation understanding of the method they are teaching now? (That sentence doesn't really work, but I hope it makes some sort of sense!)

I'm not a teacher, but I have teacher friends, and I know I've heard them complain when children have been taught 'the wrong way' to do stuff by previous teachers and they then have to break it all down and start from scratch before the child is able to move to the next step.