Screwed up big time

ecgirl07

Why do you want it to work out? Why do you want to stay?

Lostinhere

I love him, I don't want my kids to have z broken home and be uprooted

Nicki

Lostinhere wrote: »

I love him, I don't want my kids to have z broken home and be uprooted

If you love him and you value the kids relationship with him, why on earth did you tell the children and him that contact would be twice a month at a contact centre? Usually when parents split, contact is at each other's homes (or wherever the parent wants to take the children) and weekly unless the courts have got involved and ordered contact to be supervised. To say this was unnecessary and inflammatory and hurtful to both your husband and your children.

You seem to have little insight into your own behaviour in this whole sorry saga. Your husband clearly has his faults but you are no saintly victim in all of this. Can you perhaps attend some marriage counselling (alone if he won't come to) to try and manage this situation better for the sake of your children if nothing else who deserve a lot more than to be used as ammo to fire at your husband when you are feeling aggrieved.

warwicktiger

Feel for you, really wish I could help, have you told him today that you love him? keep telling him.

Lostinhere

I've told him a million times but it makes no difference

Nicki - that's unfair, I know what I did was wrong and I've held my hands up to that. However he has threatened to take my kids from me either by taking them or making false allegations to have them taken from me. He's also been violent, he doesn't know his children so he needs supervising. This is a man who has bathed his 13 month old once (cos I was in hospital) and hadn't played with the 6yo for years!

Mojisola

Lostinhere wrote: »

However he has threatened to take my kids from me either by taking them or making false allegations to have them taken from me.

He's also been violent, he doesn't know his children so he needs supervising. This is a man who has bathed his 13 month old once (cos I was in hospital) and hadn't played with the 6yo for years!

Lostinhere wrote: »

I love him, I don't want my kids to have z broken home and be uprooted

And you love him???

And you think the children would be better off having him around???

Lostinhere

I do... He's trying to hurt me because he knows the kids are my world. Would he do it? I don't know...don't want to risk it.

He blames depression for not doing anything with the kids, yet he can go out and have a laugh with his mate!

DCFC79

You need to contact the charity that's mentioned earlier on in the thread, there's other charities too, maybe refuge.org.uk.

Have you told him how you feel ?

Mojisola

Lostinhere wrote: »

He's trying to hurt me because he knows the kids are my world. Would he do it? I don't know...don't want to risk it.

He blames depression for not doing anything with the kids, yet he can go out and have a laugh with his mate!

Mojisola wrote: »

And you love him???

And you think the children would be better off having him around???

As above - why???

pigpen

unless you have proof of his violence and he has been violent to the children the courts won't believe you. If he was abusive why did you not call the police? Why did you not report him to social services? .. that is what you get asked.. even if you have witnesses and scars and ongoing health issues and still require treatment years later.

They won't make contact at a centre just on your say so.. these things cost money and most local authorities can't and won't pay for it without significant reasons.

He has threatened you with the children the same as you have him.. because they are the 2 things you both know will hurt the other.. that is abhorrent.. they are people not pawns or weapons to beat each other with.. shameful.

The damage you are doing by screaming these things in front of the children is way more damaging than splitting up and moving on in a civilised manner. This is what you should be ashamed of!

You also have to endure mediation as part of the divorce proceedings..

Staying will achieve nothing but more upset and animosity.. for both of you and trauma for the children. You said you wanted to separate, you got what you asked for. I'm finding it very hard to summon sympathy for either of you when you both behaving appallingly and thinking only of yourselves.