Dad not around- does that change after birth sometimes??

kimplus8

yvonne13 wrote: »

And what a big coincidence that you met him via a dating website and a bigger surprise that you dated him for over 5 months and never even knew his real full name ........If you think I'm being harsh that's your business. You posted and I answered simple as.

It's not simple as- coincidence it may be to you but no one else felt the need to suggest such nasty things, why is it so difficult for you to grasp, when you meet people and they tell you about themselves- do you automatically think liar??? Do you assume they are not who they say they are or must be hiding something?? Would you date a guy that's telling you they love you and immediately think- he's obviously married and lying to me? Probably not.
I didn't know his real surname because why would I suspect him to be lying about it, if I met you in real life and said my name was Jane doe would you think that was untrue and that I was lying?? You must have a crystal ball or just be very synnical to think that way.

kimplus8

FBaby wrote: »

It's a very sad situation all around, but ultimately, you agreed to keep the baby. Even when he was saying that he wanted to make a go of it, it was a big decision to make considering the number of children you already had between the two of you and the fact that you'd only dated for only a few months.

Ultimately, no-one could force your to have an abortion, but you do have to accept that you had that option from the moment you found out you were pregnant and decided not to go with it. You made your decision because it suited you, and he has made his because it suited him. He can't be angry with you more than you can be angry with him.

I don't believe I did have that option, to have that option you have to believe that life does not begin at conception.
I believe that it's wrong to end life once it's already started and for me my babies life had already begun- that's not a choice that's me sticking with my beliefs.
Some people agree with terminations and others are pro life? My choice was to be pro life- again something he knew when he met me.

cadon

BillBirdWatcher wrote: »

Furthermore why are you thinking to keep the baby to use it as a hold on him? - are you really that unaware that all you are doing is planning for a future of constant ups and downs with this person and drama for the kid.

Today society... lol - woman are honestly unable to see further than they can throw. how pathetic.

If the OP is pro-life, she doesn't have a choice but to keep this baby. Wondering whether this man will want to get involved will have no impact on her decision to keep the baby. I would be surprised if he wants to get involved given his reaction so far, but pondering the "what ifs" of any situation is entirely natural.

None of this may be ideal, but if you choose to have sex with a woman who declares herself as pro-life and is clearly fertile, then you accept that there's a risk you may end up as a father.

I wouldn't do the same in the OP's shoes, but I respect her decision to stick by her beliefs and I wish her well. Being a single mum of so many is bound to be bloody exhausting.

kimplus8

cadon wrote: »

If the OP is pro-life, she doesn't have a choice but to keep this baby. Wondering whether this man will want to get involved will have no impact on her decision to keep the baby. I would be surprised if he wants to get involved given his reaction so far, but pondering the "what ifs" of any situation is entirely natural.

None of this may be ideal, but if you choose to have sex with a woman who declares herself as pro-life and is clearly fertile, then you accept that there's a risk you may end up as a father.

I wouldn't do the same in the OP's shoes, but I respect her decision to stick by her beliefs and I wish her well. Being a single mum of so many is bound to be bloody exhausting.

Thanks for understanding. I do wonder what if but you are totally right, the decision was made once I found out I was pregnant, I'm pretty ashamed with myself for even considering the alternative but in my heart I knew I couldn't do it.
It is tough- I'm completely shattered but we love each other and support each other and as a family we are so 'together' now and it's amazing.
I believe this baby is a blessing and I will never regret that I kept him- never. It's going to be financially, emotionally and just generally hard work but we will get through it.

consultant31

kimplus8 wrote: »

Thanks for understanding. I do wonder what if but you are totally right, the decision was made once I found out I was pregnant, I'm pretty ashamed with myself for even considering the alternative but in my heart I knew I couldn't do it.
It is tough- I'm completely shattered but we love each other and support each other and as a family we are so 'together' now and it's amazing.
I believe this baby is a blessing and I will never regret that I kept him- never. It's going to be financially, emotionally and just generally hard work but we will get through it.

You sound like a very loving Mum with a very loving 'brood'. In your shoes, I wouldn't have the sperm donor back if he came begging on his knees. He sounds like a complete waste of space.
Do come back to the thread and let us know about the baby once he's born. Good luck

kimplus8

I saw him again today, it made me feel sick and I just wanted to cry, I held it in though till I got home. I hate seeing him looking all perfect and happy and inside I'm on so much pain. I think I'm going to look at transferring my son to another team so I don't have to see him so much.

FBaby

I don't believe I did have that option, to have that option you have to believe that life does not begin at conception.

I don't want to unpick your posts, but in post #32, you refer to the hospital consultation for termination, so you did consider it. Surely if you are so pro-choice, you wouldn't even have agreed to this appointment in the first place.

Regardless of this, it WAS an option, just one you didn't want to go with whatever your belief. From his perspective, you did have that option. You could also argue that with so many children already, and such strong views on abortion and the fact there is still a chance of pregnancy on the coil, that you would have been more insistent on using a second method?

I am not hear to judge your choice, it is yours, but you can't go on convincing yourself that you didn't have one and that he does. You clearly still have feelings for him and wish things were different, but you can't change how he feels and you are indeed better putting all your energy in moving on.

kimplus8

FBaby wrote: »

I don't want to unpick your posts, but in post #32, you refer to the hospital consultation for termination, so you did consider it. Surely if you are so pro-choice, you wouldn't even have agreed to this appointment in the first place.

Regardless of this, it WAS an option, just one you didn't want to go with whatever your belief. From his perspective, you did have that option. You could also argue that with so many children already, and such strong views on abortion and the fact there is still a chance of pregnancy on the coil, that you would have been more insistent on using a second method?

I am not hear to judge your choice, it is yours, but you can't go on convincing yourself that you didn't have one and that he does. You clearly still have feelings for him and wish things were different, but you can't change how he feels and you are indeed better putting all your energy in moving on.

I went because he was threatening to kill himself etc if I didn't go. I went knowing full well I couldn't go through with it, maybe that's wrong, that I lead him on so to speak but my head was a mess.
I firmly believe that I didn't have a choice. We will just have to agree to disagree

FBaby

Surely if he felt so distressed that he was threatening to kill himself, it is an indication how from his perspective, having that child wasn't an option for him.

I am not trying to be unkind, I understand that from your perspective, emotionally, you don't think you had that choice and you want people, especially him to respect that. That is absolutely fine, but you don't seem prepared to give that respect back. He doesn't want that child (or at least doesn't think he does now), and that feeling of wishing you were not pregnant can be as strong as you feeling that you couldn't have an abortion.

I know how hard it is when you still have feelings for someone and you hang on to 'what it could be', but it takes two to make it be and he has made it clear that he isn't in it. It will get better for you, you'll move on and accept your situation, adore your baby and feel so grateful that you didn't go ahead with the abortion. Many children grow up without a dad in their lives and that doesn't stop them growing up happy and stable.

dandy-candy

Kim can I ask what your relationship with your stb ex is like? Are you still friendly and go out as a family?
I certainly wouldn't count on this other guy getting involved in baby 8 life, but would you stb ex be of any support (I don't mean financially)?
Btw the real dad might be looking happy and like he's getting on with life, but I expect it's all front. I think he has behaved appallingly to both you and his gf.