Dad not around- does that change after birth sometimes??

DUTR

kimplus8 wrote: »

Background is I have children with my STB- ex husband, we split almost 2.5 years ago now but after a year I met someone new. We met online on a dating website and around 5 months in we got quite serious and he said the L word etc, so did I. When I found out I was pregnant ( not at all planned) he changed and said he couldn't have a baby with me and left. He went back to his exgf. We got back together and afaik they were separated but it appears now they were not, he spent 2 months swinging back and forth from keeping baby, choosing names, happy, looking at houses etc and at the polar opposite by threatening to kill himself if I don't have a termination, saying he's leaving me, hates me etc. At 14 weeks pregnant he asked me again to get rid of the baby, I had already felt him moving and said no way.
That night he called and said he would never see me again, I have ruined his life and almost ruined his relationship with his ex by doing this to his other kids.
He blocked my number, deleted and blocked my Facebook and insta etc and that was that.
I see him almost weekly as our boys play footy together and our girls attend the same school. He is back with his ex, and she has messaged me on FB to say as far as they are concerned, it's not his baby, they will deny paternity and I won't be getting a penny out of them once baby is born. I've blocked her so I don't have to see it.
When I see him he looks through me, like I'm a stranger.
I hope when baby is born it will be different, I hope he will see his son and not be able to walk away or turn the other way. Does having a physical child change things??
Guy responses would be greatly received, am I hoping for something that isn't there, do guys not feel this connection??
I know I personally couldn't see my child there and just pretend it isn't mine, but I also aware that a maternal bond forms very differently to a paternal one.
Sorry for the rant and Tia for your responses.
K xx

Everybody is different, for some a child coming along doesn't change things, it takes two people to form a realtionship and only one to end it, you can apply via CMS for financial support if the child is his.

System

kimplus8 wrote: »

I had a coil fitted, it was not a great situation as I was waiting to be sterilised also but once I found out I was pregnant, not keeping the baby was not something I could do, we went to the clinic to have my pre assessment for a termination but they did a scan and I looked at the baby and knew I just couldn't do it.

Notoriously unreliable.

Terminations are available in the UK if two doctors sign to confirm that the physical or mental health of the mother or baby are at risk.

Taking this thread at face value.. given that you have 7 children already and are expecting your 8th I would get sterilised after the birth, so that this situation doesn't happen all over again.

kimplus8

The child is his, I haven't been with anyone else so there is no doubt, it's weird because before that day when he just cut me off it was happy, we booked house viewings, we discussed baby names and he was saying things like, please don't leave me and I can't bare to loose you. Idk-

kimplus8

avogadro wrote: »

Notoriously unreliable.

Terminations are available in the UK if two doctors sign to confirm that the physical or mental health of the mother or baby are at risk.

Taking this thread at face value.. given that you have 7 children already and are expecting your 8th I would get sterilised after the birth, so that this situation doesn't happen all over again.

How can they not tell you that it's that unreliable, my doc said it was better than pill/ condoms.
I am going to be sterilised ASAP after birth

DUTR

kimplus8 wrote: »

The child is his, I haven't been with anyone else so there is no doubt, it's weird because before that day when he just cut me off it was happy, we booked house viewings, we discussed baby names and he was saying things like, please don't leave me and I can't bare to loose you. Idk-

Remember, the NRP can still request a DNA test for their own peice of mind and you can't say no, not if you want the financial support from him that is, from what you have written earlier, it sounds like the ex and his partner are villfying you, whilst you are villyfying him.
I trust the previous 7 children are not his?

Marvel1

He decided not to put a condom during sex, if he doesn't want to see his child that's up to him however that does not prevent him from paying child support and I suggest once baby is born you claim it.

theoretica

To answer the question - people do change. But if you assume he won't you won't be setting yourself up for disappointment. Also, change need not be immediate, it could be in the future when the kid is playing football rather than filling nappies.

kimplus8

DUTR wrote: »

Remember, the NRP can still request a DNA test for their own peice of mind and you can't say no, not if you want the financial support from him that is, from what you have written earlier, it sounds like the ex and his partner are villfying you, whilst you are villyfying him.
I trust the previous 7 children are not his?

The previous 7 are with my STB ex husband- no question of paternity. I would not ever refuse DNA testing, I would even encourage it for my son.
My plan was to suggest we do one ASAP if they are that adamant my son is not his child, I believe they will however refuse. I think we all know it's his son, they are being difficult and this is a complication they don't want now they are together and living as a family again. I'm not vilifying them, I have not said anything abusive or disparaging I have simply said my piece, they equally haven't said anything abusive about me.

kimplus8

theoretica wrote: »

To answer the question - people do change. But if you assume he won't you won't be setting yourself up for disappointment. Also, change need not be immediate, it could be in the future when the kid is playing football rather than filling nappies.

I think I just need to aim and focus on myself doing this alone and then I won't be saddened when he doesn't give a toss once he is born. He phoned me a few nights before cutting me off crying and told me I'm an amazing mother, he knows I will love his baby enough to for the both of us. He was right, I maybe skint, tired and sometimes look like I need to brush my hair but I love my kids to the end of the earth and this wee boy will be no different. He is my son first and foremost and I will just carry on regardless.

kimplus8

cjdavies wrote: »

He decided not to put a condom during sex, if he doesn't want to see his child that's up to him however that does not prevent him from paying child support and I suggest once baby is born you claim it.

I think you are right, in that we both had sex, we should both be somewhat responsible