"My wedding present to my wife was a lovely new kitchen"

Andypandyboy

For me it comes down to the fact that "fixtures and fittings" wouldn't be seen as a gift by either of us. They are functional items that are used by everyone in the household so are not in the gift category for us.

I appreciate everyone is different but I just don't get that concept. Holidays, cars, power tools, experiences are more indivdual, yes, they can be shared but it isn't the same.

Gloomendoom

duchy wrote: »

t we now have an agreement that we work to our strengths...

That's what we do.

It just so happens that our strengths largely conform to established gender stereotypes.

theoretica

Andypandyboy wrote: »

For me it comes down to the fact that "fixtures and fittings" wouldn't be seen as a gift by either of us. They are functional items that are used by everyone in the household so are not in the gift category for us.

I may be wrong, but suspect you and your partner have similar ideas about fixtures and fittings and agree that work needs to be done. I find it bemusing that so many people think a perfectly working toilet, bath and sink really need to be changed, just because they are 1970s avacado...

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

I've married twice (first husband I hardly recognise as ever knowing) and both my husband and I are very different people to what we were when we met, for the better I think. In good marriages I agree you don't try to change some one, but it's best to be open to change - and you do change together as your circumstances alter. We don't all stay still and part of that is the influence of our nearest and dearest.

Oh absolutely!

Accepting the person they become but not trying to mold them into the sort of person you want them to be. (Or in the way you want them to look.)

Andypandyboy

theoretica wrote: »

I may be wrong, but suspect you and your partner have similar ideas about fixtures and fittings and agree that work needs to be done. I find it bemusing that so many people think a perfectly working toilet, bath and sink really need to be changed, just because they are 1970s avacado...

You can count me in this group I am afraid. We like to move with the times and an Avocado suite was hideous at the time and it has certainly been bettered by the fittings available today.

I suppose it is like fashion, would you wear a shell suit or hotpants today regardless of how well they had worn?

System

duchy wrote: »

Would you be thrilled that your husband (or wife) to be bought you a lovely new kitchen as a wedding present for you ?

I suppose you could compare it to a wife buying her husband a nice garden shed.

theoretica

Andypandyboy wrote: »

You can count me in this group I am afraid. We like to move with the times and an Avocado suite was hideous at the time and it has certainly been bettered by the fittings available today.

I suppose it is like fashion, would you wear a shell suit or hotpants today regardless of how well they had worn?

Exactly - so if you were faced with someone with my opinion as a partner a new suite would be more for you than her. But as you say 'we' I think you are in agreement and this is all hypothetical. So it is back to the point of it depending on the people involved.

I was never in fashion enough to have a shell suit or hotpants!

zagfles

duchy wrote: »

I think most women have stuff husbands have bought them clothes wise that were more his tastes than hers. Most women don't take offence or feel threatened but just roll their eyes and consign the offending article to the very back of the wardrobe.

Why do that - most shops will take unused clothes back. Just before our honeymoon I bought my wife a dress I thought she'd look really good in - she wasn't too thrilled when she saw it she tried it on and I thought she looked great in it. But it wasn't her.

She was honest enough to tell me and went back to the shop to swap it - for two really delicious nightdresses for our honeymoon which we both really liked (and no they didn't fit me!)

I don't think I've ever bought her clothes that she likes, but never a problem as they are easy to swap. Now clothes are off my "gift list" as it's clearly something I can't get right

zagfles

avogadro wrote: »

I suppose you could compare it to a wife buying her husband a nice garden shed.

Now you're talking!

zagfles

duchy wrote: »

Not long after we got together my partner decided to surprise me with a trip. As it was last minute and he's not as travel savvy as me it cost a bomb......whilst I appreciated the thought we now have an agreement that we work to our strengths and I'm the travel organizer and he's the DIYer :rotfl:

Same here, I do travel, she does DIY.

Strange how people think it's OK to constantly comment when she does DIY jobs - "he should be doing that", "that's a man's job", "get him to do it" etc etc. Yet when I do the washing up or hoovering - no "that's woman's work".;)