"My wedding present to my wife was a lovely new kitchen"

zagfles

wishuponastar wrote: »

It was said in this thread something along the lines of a gift is something that can be taken by the person whom it was intended for, but I would say that gifts can be anything, material or non material which can include time, experiences etc. Gifts in the latter form can be shared by both and actually I personally prefer those types of gifts to the types that may be stereotypically better i.e. expensive or perfumes etc.

Absolutely. Our best gifts were "shared". Some cost nothing! A gift doesn't have to be something bought. Use your imagination! (and no it doesn't have to be something, er, naughty, but of course it could be )

As I personally feel the gifts such as time and experiences shared etc are more valuable than the gifts that are stereotypically better i.e. perfumes, expensive handbags etc. Someone who thinks or believes that material worth is more valuable would choose not to believe that.

Reminds me of a slight disagreement my (now) wife had with some friends on a night out before we were married. One of the women was complaining that her boyfriend had bought her some (ridiculously expensive) boots she been drooling over for ages, for her birthday.

Her complaint? He'd bought them for a knock down price in the sales! They were the genuine article, the ones she wanted, but because he'd got them in the sales for under half price (still expensive) this somehow devalued the gift.

My wife, a lone voice amongst the women, strongly disagreed. He'd got her exactly what she wanted, and saved money at the same time. To her that made it better - not worse. But the other women seemed to value how much he spent, that spending more on the same product would have somehow meant he valued her more :rotfl:

I think it was then I decided I wanted to marry her :A

Regarding the kitchen I don't think there is anything wrong with the OP buying his wife that, especially if that was what she wanted. I don't think he needed to buy a wedding present for his wife or vice versa but they obviously decided they wanted to do that, which was their decision.

Exactly!

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's a choice to share a box of chocolates - there usually isn't much choice about sharing a kitchen.

A box of chocolates takes no time or effort whatsoever compared to a kitchen. Expense aside, more care is chosen in a kitchen than popping into the local garage for a box of dairy milk.

A gift is what the recipient wants, irrespective of what it is. And whether it is shared or otherwise is completely immaterial.

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

Does a present actually need to be directly for oneself and with no benefit to anyone else? I dont get that at all. I can't recall a present no one else gets joy from. I collect paintings that go on our walls - fir my birthday. Are they not for me?

Let's face it, everything we have is passed on eventually. Do peopke just want to hoard presents in the corner of a room?

It certainly doesn't need to be but it frequently is - in fact I'd say the majority of presents come in that category, particularly of the less original type. (I'm thinking perfume, clothes, books, experience days etc).

zagfles

theoretica wrote: »

I see where you are coming from, but think that a refurbished room could be a gift - depending on both the giver and receiver. If they both agree it needs doing and want much the same thing it seems odd as a gift. If one person thinks it is fine as it is and the other would like it done, then doing it could be a gift. Or if both kitchen and garden are on the list to be done then doing the one the other person cares more about first could be a gift. In some scenarios getting a new kitchen could be a nice thing, and in my books doing nice things for someone can be gifts.

Sums it up perfectly. My wife wanted a patio and a new door from the kitchen, I had no interest in it whatsoever and wouldn't have chosen to have it done. But I arranged it as a present for her. Now I see the benefit of it too. But it was still a much appreciated gift.

I wanted us to go to Australia on holiday but my wife had no interest at all, she arranged it, provisionally booked flights, OK'ed her leave etc as a gift for me. And she really enjoyed it. But it was still a much appreciated gift to me.

Loads of other examples, she wanted to go to Italy but I had no interest at all, I booked it as a "gift" but I ended up loving it, probably more than her! New sofa, nights out, list goes on...

Joint stuff - where one person wants it much more than the other - are IMO the best sort of gifts even if the giver gets benefit from it too. In fact that makes it better! You are prepared to do something you didn't really want to for your partner and if it turns out good for you as well that's an added bonus for you both, not a negative.

As long as it's not disingenuous of course, ie it's something you both really want. But if you know and respect each other that won't happen.

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It certainly doesn't need to be but it frequently is - in fact I'd say the majority of presents come in that category, particularly of the less original type. (I'm thinking perfume, clothes, books, experience days etc).

Books I have had loads chosen by others thinking I would like them (ie what they like). Perfume well that's a no brainier with no thought (either what one always wears or what the purchaser again thinks you might like because they like it themselves). Clothes is a hit and miss, and experience days are often shared with another. All of these take two minutes to buy. A kitchen takes up hours and hours of time.

When we need things for the house or other things like wanting a holiday, we often say it's a birthday/Christmas present. Much better than loads of bits of tat gathering dust.

I had a weekend in Prague bought by my husband but he came with me. Is that not a present?

zagfles

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It certainly doesn't need to be but it frequently is - in fact I'd say the majority of presents come in that category, particularly of the less original type. (I'm thinking perfume, clothes, books, experience days etc).

Hmm...not sure about that. I have bought perfume that I like the smell of on my wife. I've bought her clothes that I think she looks good in. Books - well maybe ones I'd like to read when she's finished Experience days - well, after the adrenaline rush of a skydive I really can't describe what might happen later

When you're a couple you inevitably get benefit of each other's gifts!

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

Books I have had loads chosen by others thinking I would like them (ie what they like). Perfume well that's a no brainier with no thought (either what one always wears or what the purchaser again thinks you might like because they like it themselves). Clothes is a hit and miss, and experience days are often shared with another. All of these take two minutes to buy. A kitchen takes up hours and hours of time.

When we need things for the house or other things like wanting a holiday, we often say it's a birthday/Christmas present to each other. Much better than loads of bits of tat gathering dust.

Personally, I wouldn't do it with something like home improvements but holidays, absolutely. I've also had several dogs where I've said "he'll be my birthday present".:)

missbiggles1

zagfles wrote: »

Hmm...not sure about that. I have bought perfume that I like the smell of on my wife. I've bought her clothes that I think she looks good in. Books - well maybe ones I'd like to read when she's finished Experience days - well, after the adrenaline rush of a skydive I really can't describe what might happen later

When you're a couple you inevitably get benefit of each other's gifts!

Sorry, I just don't agree. Books and CDs were my husband's preferred presents and I don't think I ever read or listened to any of them myself.

Long ago I had a boyfriend who bought me the sort of clothes he wanted me to wear - I was quite insulted and he didn't last long!:rotfl:

ETA
Nothing risque, although I can see it reads like that.:o

zagfles

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Sorry, I just don't agree. Books and CDs were my husband's preferred presents and I don't think I ever read or listened to any of them myself.

Long ago I had a boyfriend who bought me the sort of clothes he wanted me to wear - I was quite insulted and he didn't last long!:rotfl:

ETA
Nothing risque, although I can see it reads like that.:o

Yes agreed, just pointing out how even those gifts can benefit the giver!

I've learnt not to buy clothes for my wife, unless she chooses them. I don't think she's ever worn anything I've bought her She buys me clothes occasionally but I'm less fussy. Though I have returned a few...

Marvel1

My brother in law bought my sister a zip line ride in North Wales for her birthday, he also went, was that not a gift?