"My wedding present to my wife was a lovely new kitchen"

GwylimT

Person_one wrote: »

Honestly, it makes as much sense to me as a husband giving his wife a bottle of milk as a gift, and then both of them having it in their tea.

Letting her pick the decor/fittings if she cared about them is a nice thing to do but it doesn't make it a gift, its still a functional room in their shared house.

So if someone bought you a box of chocolates for example, you wouldn't share them?

Don't people normally find joy in sharing their gifts with loved ones.

Person_one

Lambyr wrote: »

Fair enough.

I don't subscribe to the view that a gift cannot be enjoyed by both the recipient and the giver. Some of the best gifts I've received are things I'm able to share with others. My mum gives me the same thing every year for my birthday, and she always get to use it too. Keeps us close.

Its not even the fact that they both use it, things like theatre tickets or other activities, or meals out etc. can be gifts that are shared by the giver. I can't quite express what I want to, but it just seems a bit off to me, to try and present a kitchen in your own home as a gift to the other person who lives there and feel good about yourself for 'giving' it. Buying a new kitchen for somebody who doesn't live with you would be a gift, this isn't.

custardy

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I'd like a new kitchen for both of us to use - but the thought of it being a wedding present for me only, would be a non starter!

I particularly liked the devastation and embarrassment of the wife because her pots and pans were on show!:rotfl:

Lambyr

Person_one wrote: »

Its not even the fact that they both use it, things like theatre tickets or other activities, or meals out etc. can be gifts that are shared by the giver. I can't quite express what I want to, but it just seems a bit off to me, to try and present a kitchen in your own home as a gift to the other person who lives there and feel good about yourself for 'giving' it. Buying a new kitchen for somebody who doesn't live with you would be a gift, this isn't.

But surely part of it is based on personal perception? For some people rooms are purely functional, others have different ideas and enjoy the "experience" of a room.

I'm working on the assumption (and that's all it is, cos I don't know) that this kitchen is somehow pleasing to his wife moreso than it is for him. In that respect, I see it as no different to if my mum bought me a bottle of Baileys. I hope she thinks enough of me to know that she'll be getting some of that but it's the fact that she would have thought about me and bought it for me and knows that I'll get some enjoyment out of it... that's what makes it a gift to me, that her thoughts were with me. And she lives here.

Same logic applies to the kitchen in my mind (basing this on my assumptions being correct)... he thought of his wife, he figured that having some new appliances, some new cupboards, some new counter tops, some new wallpaper or decoration or whatever, maybe a pizza oven etc. would make her happy. Yeah, he's gonna get use out of it... but was he thinking of his own happiness and his own use of the kitchen when he bought it, or was he thinking of hers?

The gift mum gets me every year... I can only realistically use it in this house - admittedly, I could theoretically use it out of the house but the practicality of that is beyond ridiculous. She gets use out of it too, almost as much as I do... but again, she buys it for me, because she knows it makes me happy.

missbiggles1

GwylimT wrote: »

So if someone bought you a box of chocolates for example, you wouldn't share them?

Don't people normally find joy in sharing their gifts with loved ones.

It's a choice to share a box of chocolates - there usually isn't much choice about sharing a kitchen.

theoretica

Person_one wrote: »

Its not even the fact that they both use it, things like theatre tickets or other activities, or meals out etc. can be gifts that are shared by the giver. I can't quite express what I want to, but it just seems a bit off to me, to try and present a kitchen in your own home as a gift to the other person who lives there and feel good about yourself for 'giving' it. Buying a new kitchen for somebody who doesn't live with you would be a gift, this isn't.

I see where you are coming from, but think that a refurbished room could be a gift - depending on both the giver and receiver. If they both agree it needs doing and want much the same thing it seems odd as a gift. If one person thinks it is fine as it is and the other would like it done, then doing it could be a gift. Or if both kitchen and garden are on the list to be done then doing the one the other person cares more about first could be a gift. In some scenarios getting a new kitchen could be a nice thing, and in my books doing nice things for someone can be gifts.

missbiggles1

theoretica wrote: »

I see where you are coming from, but think that a refurbished room could be a gift - depending on both the giver and receiver. If they both agree it needs doing and want much the same thing it seems odd as a gift. If one person thinks it is fine as it is and the other would like it done, then doing it could be a gift. Or if both kitchen and garden are on the list to be done then doing the one the other person cares more about first could be a gift. In some scenarios getting a new kitchen could be a nice thing, and in my books doing nice things for someone can be gifts.

Doesn't that rather depend on which one is which?;)

Jagraf

Uou can give the gift of time and hasnt he done that too?

toniq

Mojisola wrote: »

So why don't you use the money to get the kitchen you want?

Because he will get me that later down the line once we can do the bathroom as well. :j

Jagraf

Does a present actually need to be directly for oneself and with no benefit to anyone else? I dont get that at all. I can't recall a present no one else gets joy from. I collect paintings that go on our walls - fir my birthday. Are they not for me?

Let's face it, everything we have is passed on eventually. Do peopke just want to hoard presents in the corner of a room?