"My wedding present to my wife was a lovely new kitchen"

Gloomendoom

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Long ago I had a boyfriend who bought me the sort of clothes he wanted me to wear - I was quite insulted and he didn't last long!:rotfl:

I always buy my wife clothes that I want her to wear.

I can't see the sense in buying her clothes that I don't want her to wear.

missbiggles1

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I always buy my wife clothes that I want her to wear.

I can't see the sense in buying her clothes that I don't want her to wear.

Well, I imagine she likes the same sort of clothes that you like, but suppose she wanted to wear something you didn't like - would you really not buy it for her?

Gloomendoom

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, I imagine she likes the same sort of clothes that you like, but suppose she wanted to wear something you didn't like - would you really not buy it for her?

If I thought she looked ghastly in it, probably not.

When I first met her, she was wearing the most unflattering shapeless bag of a floral frock. Her boyfriend at the time was too timid to say anything. I'm not like that.

SingleSue

zagfles wrote: »

My wife really wants a kitchen for her birthday - but I'm not daft - no way I'm falling for that. It might be late and when I complain about it a load of petty judgemental trolls might criticise my present choice. She'll get jewellery and perfume, the usual tat. Safe bet. And a lot cheaper :money:

An ex boyfriend did that, I said I wanted a DVD recorder or a drill for my birthday, he spoke to some friends of his to confirm what he had been thinking, went for the safe bet and I got the thing that I said I most def did not want...a handbag.

Apparently all woman like handbags and I would be fluttering at his feet. This woman was not fluttering at his feet because I had no need for a handbag at that point as I had a perfectly good one already (I am a one handbag at a time woman, can't see the point in having more than one) and it wasn't even in a style I liked or found useful.

Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative to his face, said thanks but then the handbag was stuck in the cupboard for the next 3 years until it was needed and I still hadn't got my blooming drill that WAS needed, I'm still using an ancient hand drill to this day!

My last boyfriend got it right, he got me a tool kit as he found it ever so slightly disconcerting how I was screwing and unscrewing things with a knife ...oh and a hair dryer as he was scared of the one that I had bodged fixed:rotfl:

Think if anyone got me a new kitchen right now, I would love them forever....and I am not a girly girl, I'm just sick of the sight of my rather very old and tatty one and would like a smart one to show people/cook in/that you can open a cupboard in without the door falling off!

cadon

There's a difference between buying a new kitchen for someone who cooks for the family out of necessity and who sees it as a chore, and buying a new kitchen for someone who actually enjoys cooking.

Context is key.

Person_one

zagfles wrote: »

Sums it up perfectly. My wife wanted a patio and a new door from the kitchen, I had no interest in it whatsoever and wouldn't have chosen to have it done. But I arranged it as a present for her. Now I see the benefit of it too. But it was still a much appreciated gift.

But doesn't that imply that the decision on what work gets done on your home is yours? If she thought it should be done and you didn't, isn't that then a discussion about what else needs doing, finances, priorities etc. rather than either a yes or a no from you?

warby68

Even though the original thread had a bit of sexist and over-dramatic comedy value, surely the gift element there was not the actual kitchen but the thought, time, considerable effort and careful timing that went into providing the surprise.

zagfles

Person_one wrote: »

But doesn't that imply that the decision on what work gets done on your home is yours? If she thought it should be done and you didn't, isn't that then a discussion about what else needs doing, finances, priorities etc. rather than either a yes or a no from you?

Is this concept really so hard for you to grasp? I've given enough other examples, for instance the holiday to Australia which worked the other way round. Doesn't mean she decides holidays!

We won't spend large amounts of money on any holiday/home improvement/car/whatever unless we both agree. Right? Understood?

Sometimes one of us wants something but the other doesn't. In that situation, the other will sometimes agree to the big spend as a "gift".

Now that might not fit the stereotype of what some people regard as a "gift", it might not be what you regard as a "gift", but we don't care, it works for us.

Several other people have given other examples.

Just a wild hunch, but you're single, right?

zagfles

SingleSue wrote: »

An ex boyfriend did that, I said I wanted a DVD recorder or a drill for my birthday, he spoke to some friends of his to confirm what he had been thinking, went for the safe bet and I got the thing that I said I most def did not want...a handbag.

Apparently all woman like handbags and I would be fluttering at his feet. This woman was not fluttering at his feet because I had no need for a handbag at that point as I had a perfectly good one already (I am a one handbag at a time woman, can't see the point in having more than one) and it wasn't even in a style I liked or found useful.

Excellent example of what happens when people listen to what others think makes a good gift, rather than what their partner thinks makes a good gift.

Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative to his face, said thanks but then the handbag was stuck in the cupboard for the next 3 years until it was needed and I still hadn't got my blooming drill that WAS needed, I'm still using an ancient hand drill to this day!

My last boyfriend got it right, he got me a tool kit as he found it ever so slightly disconcerting how I was screwing and unscrewing things with a knife ...oh and a hair dryer as he was scared of the one that I had bodged fixed:rotfl:

And I bet he got judgemental people telling him he shouldn't have bought it, it's too practical, and that he should be doing those jobs anyway, etc etc. Never mind what you actually wanted!

My wife was out the front cutting the hedge yesterday, and as always seems to happen, a neighbour walked past and told her "you should be getting him to do that"!

I think she might need a new hedge trimmer for her birthday

Jagraf

I had a new car for my 40th because I needed a new car and there is no way we could afford a car and another present. It was also leased lol so it was paid for monthly, out of our joint budget. I Was very happy with our joint decision.