"My wedding present to my wife was a lovely new kitchen"

pollypenny

zagfles wrote: »

Yes agreed, just pointing out how even those gifts can benefit the giver!

I've learnt not to buy clothes for my wife, unless she chooses them. I don't think she's ever worn anything I've bought her She buys me clothes occasionally but I'm less fussy. Though I have returned a few...

Well, I'd never let OH choose a kitchen or anything expensive for the house.

When he went to buy flag stones for a new patio he Ordered the cheapest ones he could find - absolutely horrible.

They were collected when the second lot were delivered. Two lots of delivery charges.

SingleSue

My ex husband used to buy me clothes as gifts, some were nice and exactly what I wanted but some were a little more risque and have languished at the back of the wardrobe ever since! That was slightly embarrassing when my central heating was replaced, we had to rush empty the wardrobe and one of the central heating guys was helping when a pair of crotchless knickers became trapped around his hand :rotfl:

Books - I love books as presents, most of my loved ones know which sort I like to read or to save problems, they give/send me an Amazon voucher. I discovered that some don't feel an Amazon voucher can be classed as a present or it is a present without thought but I love getting one so that I can choose oodles of books without feeling any guilt about it coming out of my budget and of course, I then get exactly the books I was looking for.

74jax

I wouldn't be impressed with a kitchen as a gift to me. At all. But hubby knows that so wouldn't. Equally it would be a waste of my money to buy it for him as a gift, so I wouldn't. We have just upgraded out kitchen and bathroom but as no gift to each other.

If the wife loves this as a gift and her partner knows that, I can't see an issue. They know each other well.

zagfles

pollypenny wrote: »

Well, I'd never let OH choose a kitchen or anything expensive for the house.

When he went to buy flag stones for a new patio he Ordered the cheapest ones he could find - absolutely horrible.

They were collected when the second lot were delivered. Two lots of delivery charges.

Oh god yes! That's the other thing - a gift doesn't have to be a surprise. If my wife had come home to find a new patio & doors she'd have been livid - she'd have wanted to choose/discuss all the detail first. I made preliminary enquiries but that was it...

Same with other big spends - I'd have been livid if she'd sorted the detail of the Australia holiday without discussing it and we'd ended up on a boring ridiculously expensive package or suchlike...

missbiggles1

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If I thought she looked ghastly in it, probably not.

When I first met her, she was wearing the most unflattering shapeless bag of a floral frock. Her boyfriend at the time was too timid to say anything. I'm not like that.

I wouldn't want to be married to someone who thought he had the right to dictate to me (whether subtly or by threats) what I should wear. Neither would I try to change what my husband chose in the way of clothes. Marriage is about accepting someone as they are, not trying to change them.

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I wouldn't want to be married to someone who thought he had the right to dictate to me (whether subtly or by threats) what I should wear. Neither would I try to change what my husband chose in the way of clothes. Marriage is about accepting someone as they are, not trying to change them.

I've married twice (first husband I hardly recognise as ever knowing) and both my husband and I are very different people to what we were when we met, for the better I think. In good marriages I agree you don't try to change some one, but it's best to be open to change - and you do change together as your circumstances alter. We don't all stay still and part of that is the influence of our nearest and dearest.

duchy

I think most women have stuff husbands have bought them clothes wise that were more his tastes than hers. Most women don't take offence or feel threatened but just roll their eyes and consign the offending article to the very back of the wardrobe.

theoretica

Person_one wrote: »

If she thought it should be done and you didn't, isn't that then a discussion about what else needs doing, finances, priorities etc. rather than either a yes or a no from you?

Exactly - and if the discussion ends with -'we'll do that because it would make you happy' couldn't you call that a gift? You get far more gifts with a broad definition!

duchy

zagfles wrote: »

Oh god yes! That's the other thing - a gift doesn't have to be a surprise. If my wife had come home to find a new patio & doors she'd have been livid - she'd have wanted to choose/discuss all the detail first. I made preliminary enquiries but that was it...

Same with other big spends - I'd have been livid if she'd sorted the detail of the Australia holiday without discussing it and we'd ended up on a boring ridiculously expensive package or suchlike...

Not long after we got together my partner decided to surprise me with a trip. As it was last minute and he's not as travel savvy as me it cost a bomb......whilst I appreciated the thought we now have an agreement that we work to our strengths and I'm the travel organizer and he's the DIYer :rotfl:

duchy

theoretica wrote: »

Exactly - and if the discussion ends with -'we'll do that because it would make you happy' couldn't you call that a gift? You get far more gifts with a broad definition!

My OH cooks far more than I do......partly because he enjoys it more and partly because our work patterns mean he's better set to start cooking whilst I'm still working (he does a lot of early starts so finishes early. He doesn't think he's giving me the gift of his cooking anymore than he thinks I am when I do it (we can both cook but are better at cooking different things) as cooking is something that benefits us both. For me a new kitchen isn't his or hers but for us both as we both cook and we both eat so it can't be a gift but is a home improvement and possibly also an investment in our property.

You can call anything a gift but just because one persons calls it so doesn't mean it really is.