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Dad needs advice on seeing Son

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  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    He is TRYING to be a father rather than merely a sperm donor, it is his former partner who won't let him be one.
    How can this conclusion be reached when the child in question is only a couple of weeks old? OP contacted her 3 times in 4 days before she even gave birth, then continued to text/call afterwards, as well as his mum. If anyone had been so persistent in trying to contact me a few hours I had given birth, I would have been very annoyed and would have considered them very selfish, including if that was my own parents.

    OP seems to think very highly of himself, but clearly her parents see him very differently, so clearly there is conflict in opinions in terms of OP's ability to be a good parent.

    One thing everyone agrees is that OP should take the court route. It will be a frustrated one because the most he is likely to get is most likely a lot less than he would hope for to start with, and he will have to be so careful as to not slip up as doing so will be used against him. OP mentions his ex moved back to her home town hence why she broke up, so it must be quite a few miles away, which will only add to the demands.

    It certainly won't be easy, especially if OP then goes on to be a dad with his new partner, but in the end, if determination is there, so is the way.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    FBaby wrote: »
    OP seems to think very highly of himself, but clearly her parents see him very differently, so clearly there is conflict in opinions in terms of OP's ability to be a good parent.

    Has anyone made the mother prove that she's going to be a good parent before allowing her access to the baby?

    Fathers shouldn't be expected to prove their abilities - they are parents, just as much as mothers.
  • burlington6
    burlington6 Posts: 2,112 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Has anyone made the mother prove that she's going to be a good parent before allowing her access to the baby?

    Fathers shouldn't be expected to prove their abilities - they are parents, just as much as mothers.

    In the UK, people in general don't view it that way.

    Men don't have equality and very few people care if they ever achieve it.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Has anyone made the mother prove that she's going to be a good parent before allowing her access to the baby?

    Fathers shouldn't be expected to prove their abilities - they are parents, just as much as mothers.

    Most parents are naturally safe parents for the virtue of being half intelligent. However, most of what makes a good parent is learnt as we go along. That's why it is unfair because a mother is likely to become a good one as she spends more time with her baby whilst dad has 1/10th of the time (if that), yet expected to learn as much. When parents are separated even before the birth of the child, that's already going to be an issue.

    I don't want to come across as judgmental, but it does always come down the same thing, if you are not in a committed relationship, put something on!
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,227 Forumite
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    Not all Mother's are fit to be Mother's either, can think of one example.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    FBaby wrote: »
    Most parents are naturally safe parents for the virtue of being half intelligent. However, most of what makes a good parent is learnt as we go along.

    That's why it is unfair because a mother is likely to become a good one as she spends more time with her baby whilst dad has 1/10th of the time (if that), yet expected to learn as much.

    That seems a good reason for fathers having more contact with their child, not less.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,508 Forumite
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    edited 5 June 2016 at 10:08PM
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    Sure. In practical terms in these early days it is impossible to do without massively affecting mother. How do you see it happening? If she breast feeds then it is not possible full stop , even if she does not - how can it be arranged ? Op spending 3 hours with the baby after baby's mother packed the bag and given both the bag and baby to op ?

    The chap had contacted her several times when she was just about to give birth - how more intrusive can one be?! Did he hope she will discuss birth plan with him or what? (I now looked through the replies in this thread - it can get more intrusive - it is to turn up in a hospital room and have a chat with an ex about how labour went. With an ex who supposedly hates him , makes lies about him, does not return 90% of his texts and been seeing another man. Op thinks it went well - how come ex tries to avoid more of it happening).
    Having said that it all went wrong when people used no contraception in an unsteady relationship then wanted to continue sleeping with someone else to such an extent that they found new candidates within few months and woman being pregnant at that - I find it difficult to believe this thread is not a wind up.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
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    Just add to this, just start the ball rolling with a child arrangement order, pay child support, act in a civil manner and prepare your home.


    Honestly it's best to just get on with it.
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
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    Everything's in order Mediation have said I WILL get access without any issues as she has no grounds to deny me the right to see my own son and not being on the birth certificate is not an issue as when it goes to court I can get that sorted too without much hassle... It's over a month without hearing a single thing on my sons wellbeing. To those who seem to only criticise my attempts to see my son try being in my position... I will continue doing all I can. To those who are supporting me in this post THANK YOU x

    She will make it hard all the way to court at which point ill finally see him and feed him for the 1st time and my family can finally meet him.. Yes ill get little access to start with but its better than nothing as it stands now..

    I'm not going into detail but she is playing games at the moment all of which will come out in court, I didnt want it to go to court but it is the only option I now have left....

    I'll continue to stay calm and do everything I can to see him, I'm not giving up which is her biggest wish.

    Thanks for the support I'm staying as strong as I can
  • cashewnut
    cashewnut Posts: 362 Forumite
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    Thanks for the update OP. Wishing you all the best and hope you can see your son very soon, even if going through court isn't the ideal option.
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