We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

Dad needs advice on seeing Son

Options
135678

Comments

  • HurdyGurdy
    HurdyGurdy Posts: 987 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    I would say you definitely need legal advice, asap.

    Try looking at https://www.childrenslegalcentre.com for information, dad.info or the CAB. Or if possible, speak to a family law specialist solicitor, even if only for an initial consultation.

    So many dads who turn their backs on their children, and there's you, desperate to see your child but being blocked. What a shame. I wish you luck.
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
    edited 31 May 2016 at 6:47PM
    Options
    tomtontom wrote: »
    Maybe less paranoia and mental illness, more wishing you/ your family would leave her alone?
    Stop texting her, stop getting your mum involved, make arrangements for access through a solicitor/ mediator (mediation would be expected before court). I've seen a very similar situation and it ended with police issuing a harassment notice. That's not going to help your case if you do need to go to court.

    I am sympathetic, but you need to back off.

    please dont think im constantly ringing thats not the case.. I sent 2 texts on the day after he was born purely saying "please can i come and see him to bond a little" and " I hope your ok and so is little guy please let me know as soon as I can come up" and was ignored... so I turned up at the baby ward and asked the midwives to see my son and to check my ex was ok... I was generally concerned for her and obviously desperate to see him. I spent 15 minutes with him and she asked me to leave which I now know was because her new pal was coming to see him... her excuse for not replying was "ive been unwell" and that would be fine, but she was well enough to post pictures all over facebook and text friends and family. but cant text the dad.......

    Dill wrote: »
    I'm sorry to state the obvious but if it was the father preventing the mother from seeing her 5 day old baby would peoples views be the same, I wonder..
    cjdavies wrote: »
    I think the time has passed being nice and giving her space. Your the Dad, you have equal rights, get down to CAB on where to start gain legal access.

    If she is well enough to introduce him to her friends etc, then she is well enough for you to see him the Dad.

    Amen..!! she was more keen to show him off to her new pals who dont know me or the whole truth than even consider that he should be seeing his Dad.... i have done well to stay calm if I hadnt have randomly turned up at the hospital I wouldnt have seen him at all and would to this current moment still not have met my son... now she has taken him home i can nothing I cant exactly turn up at her house and ask to see him, as then they will try and play the harassment card. I sent one text yesterday "hi hope alls good hows little **** " again im blanked its just WRONG

    Even if she hates me... a simple "he's fine" is not exactly hard..... i will continue to stay calm as i have been and take all the correct routes i just know its going to be long and painful... but i will not give up
  • tomtontom
    tomtontom Posts: 7,929 Forumite
    Options
    I don't think you appreciate how the law works here - unwelcome contact, however well intentioned, is (in legal terms) harassment. You've already done more than enough to warrant a first notice, should your ex wish to take that step. Think about how that would look to a court.

    This isn't about what people think about you (or your ex), but about doing what gives you the best opportunity to build a relationship with your child. Lay off the texts, even if you think they're ok.
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
    Options
    Will a court really class that as harassment..?. Ive never been to court before or been in trouble so my law knowledge is not great. . But surely they will see im asking about my son... an not exactly stalking threatening or abusive?? and 1 text a day 2 tops only sent on pure concern for my son is hardly going to land me with some notice? I havent even text her today... an I know its pointless anyhow as I will be ignored.... I find out more about my son via facebook

    I do know the courts are a little more helpful towards the Dads than previous years... the sooner it gets there the better....as i have done nothing wrong im confident (well fingers crossed) i will get some kind of correct access... oh and no she is not breast feeding so it should make it easier....
  • AnnieO1234
    AnnieO1234 Posts: 1,722 Forumite
    Options
    1) see a solicitor and start the ball rolling on mediation
    2) work out how much child maintenance you should/want to pay; send by cheque recorded. Keep the money in a seperate account that proves you've ring fenced it if she doesn't cash the cheques
    3) speak with social services and make it clear that you have concerns about the new partner as he is banned from his own kids (she may not have told the midwife etc about his existence) to hopefully keep your child safe AND to get it on the record that the mother is depriving the child of its father.
    4) take a breath, keep a record, write a diary, write to him everything that you would do with him now and for the time being if things had been different. One day that could mean the world to him when he's older.
    5) finally, find a support group of NPR dads who have tread the same path
    (6 - make sure you find a woman who appreciates just how great a guy you are, you're already a million miles ahead of a lot of your fellow gender! ;) )

    Xxx
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
    Options
    to all those previously who all gave me the websites to check out and the forms i need to apply for MANY MANY THANKS

    Im going to make a start on this...... I will do my best to keep you updated...... i dont think its sunk in how hard this is going to be....
    plus we live in a small area so its likely ill bump into them, the next time I see my son it will probably be randomly on the street with her pushing him along..... what do I do????? speak to her and her bf calmly and nicely as I always have done? and ask to pick my own son up?? blank them and walk away?? Film it discreetly in case she makes up more lies that ive harassed them and been aggressive on the street ???

    this could all be sooooo simple and everyone would be happier..... to think she has the right to do this and punish her own son as much as me is beyond my comprehension
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
    Options
    AnnieO1234 wrote: »
    1) see a solicitor and start the ball rolling on mediation
    2) work out how much child maintenance you should/want to pay; send by cheque recorded. Keep the money in a seperate account that proves you've ring fenced it if she doesn't cash the cheques
    3) speak with social services and make it clear that you have concerns about the new partner as he is banned from his own kids (she may not have told the midwife etc about his existence) to hopefully keep your child safe AND to get it on the record that the mother is depriving the child of its father.
    4) take a breath, keep a record, write a diary, write to him everything that you would do with him now and for the time being if things had been different. One day that could mean the world to him when he's older.
    5) finally, find a support group of NPR dads who have tread the same path
    (6 - make sure you find a woman who appreciates just how great a guy you are, you're already a million miles ahead of a lot of your fellow gender! ;) )

    Xxx

    that was a beautiful message Annie you actually made me teary

    xx
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,371 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary
    Options
    Did you discuss fatherhood/seeing him when she was pregnant? If she was reasonable then she may come round before any legal routes have got far - I hope she does. Several of my friends were very different people for a while after giving birth.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • GOOD_GUY
    GOOD_GUY Posts: 14 Forumite
    Options
    theoretica wrote: »
    Did you discuss fatherhood/seeing him when she was pregnant? If she was reasonable then she may come round before any legal routes have got far - I hope she does. Several of my friends were very different people for a while after giving birth.

    Yes I tried so many times but she refused to talk on the phone as adults or to meet to talk properly..... she ignored my texts 90% of the time during pregnancy... if i asked how the pregnancy was going I was told "fine"

    If I ever asked will i be on the birth certificate, do you have an idea on names, when will I see him etc... I was ignored...

    since he was born im totally ignored..... like she thinks I will give up and go away... an no doubt her and her Mother will tell him im useless wasnt interested and all the rest of it and will attempt to poison his tiny mind.
    He deserves better than this, yes its early days still but I only see it getting much worse before getting better

    She cuts off anyone and everyone who says she should let me see him.
  • JReacher1
    JReacher1 Posts: 4,652 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Options
    Seems a bit weird this situation. You say you are a great guy (given yourself the username of good guy) and yet this woman and her family seem to absolutely hate you. Seems a bit weird and I suspect there is something you're not saying.

    Start paying maintenance and start legal proceedings to get access to your son.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 12 Election 2024: The MSE Leaders' Debate
  • 344.2K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 450.1K Spending & Discounts
  • 236.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 609.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.6K Life & Family
  • 248.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards