Victim blaming mentality

FBaby

That's why 'blunt' posters face a dilemma when posting, because there are some people you know will take it, argue their point back, and will then close their computer and forget about the thread, and these are the people you often have the best conversations with, making the effort of posting worthwhile. Then you have those who come across as strong minded, having no issue sharing their opiniated views, but then can't take posters doing the same expressing their opiniated opposite views which ends up with a 'how dare you being judgmental' as if that's a criticism and not realising that everyone posting a strong view is judgmental by nature! You then worry about your posts might impact on them because ultimately, there might be a few posters here who gain pleasure from taunting others, but most don't really want to cause upset.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

I also agree with this. There are people on this board who I do consider friends, but I don't always agree with them. Much as I don't always agree with any of my other friends.

In the verrrrry long-running 'who pays at a restaurant' thread I remember a few posts where Georgiegirl and I were posting very different viewpoints. However, from our posts on another thread I'd consider us friendly. (sorry to pick on you as an example GG ) It's all just good-natured discussion.

And to jump on the Guest bandwagon (:D), we've definitely disagreed on threads before now, but there are others (notably this week!) where we agree.

Do people really have friends (online or not) who they always 100% agree with?

It is frustrating when the slightest difference of opinion to the OP is shouted down as bullying.

That's all right tea! I can't even remember the exact point we were disagreeing on now? That thread went on forever lol! :rotfl:

It really annoys me too when people are called bully's merely for expressing an opinion that doesnt suit the OP or another poster on the thread. Everyone has got their own viewpoint on things and should be able to express it freely, but with anything, there's ways and means of doing so.

You can't agree with everyone all of the time, and even friends can have disagreements from time to time. Infact, I prefer that, as I wouldn't want someone just to nod and agree with everything I say. It's something that I admire in a friend or partner, I like honesty and someone who isn't afraid to disagree with me if needs be, because that's how I am, and would never just agree with someone just to keep the peace.

I really don't see any bullying or cliques on this board, just a lot of people who for the main have very similar view points on most of the threads, but on the odd few, aren't afraid to disagree and express their POV.

tea_lover

I've no idea why it stuck in my head georgie!

Pollycat

tea_lover wrote: »

I've no idea why it stuck in my head georgie!

Because it was a very memorable thread......:rotfl:

tea_lover

But no chocolate orange! :D

Peter333

Pollycat wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that , it just stood out that a couple of posters who say they sometimes disagree with you were agreeing - which sort-of disproves Peter333's point that there are 'forum buddies'.

I'm not being funny, but you aren't 'disproving' anything Pollycat.

The fact is that ganging up and cliques do exist on this forum. And I'm not the only one who has pointed it out. Like I'm not the only one who has noticed people being rude and cruel, and this being labelled as 'bluntness' and 'being honest.'

Just because you deny it, because you apparently don't ever see it; that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Too many people have pointed it out now. Moreover, I have seen it happen again and again.

If people are thanking a helpful and useful post, then that's great, and that's fine; but when someone has a real go at someone and puts them down or ridicules them, and people come along and thank them, then that's mean and cruel and is tantamount to bullying and ganging up. And it does happen - PLEASE stop denying it!!!

I am at a loss to fathom why you, or anyone else is denying this goes on. Not just on marriage and relationships but also on other parts of this forum too. Yes, sometimes posters DO just disagree with what people say, but sometimes people DON'T just disagree with someone, they actually put them down and ridicule them, and yes, other people jump in and defend them. It happens... It really does. You can deny it if you like. Doesn't really bother me...

That's all I have to say on the subject, I've made my point. You and your friends on this thread can continue to deny it goes on if you like, with all your straw man examples, but it won't change the fact that it does happen.

Have a good day. I'm off to pack for my holiday to Spain now!

Guest101

Peter333 wrote: »

I'm not being funny, but you aren't 'disproving' anything Pollycat.

The fact is that ganging up and cliques do exist on this forum. And I'm not the only one who has pointed it out. Like I'm not the only one who has noticed people being rude and cruel, and this being labelled as 'bluntness' and 'being honest.'

Just because you deny it, because you apparently don't ever see it; that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Too many people have pointed it out now. Moreover, I have seen it happen again and again.

If people are thanking a helpful and useful post, then that's great, and that's fine; but when someone has a real go at someone and puts them down or ridicules them, and people come along and thank them, then that's mean and cruel and is tantamount to bullying and ganging up. And it does happen - PLEASE stop denying it!!!

I am at a loss to fathom why you, or anyone else is denying this goes on. Not just on marriage and relationships but also on other parts of this forum too. Yes, sometimes posters DO just disagree with what people say, but sometimes people DON'T just disagree with someone, they actually put them down and ridicule them, and yes, other people jump in and defend them. It happens... It really does. You can deny it if you like. Doesn't really bother me...

That's all I have to say on the subject, I've made my point. You and your friends on this thread can continue to deny it goes on if you like, with all your straw man examples, but it won't change the fact that it does happen.

Have a good day. I'm off to pack for my holiday to Spain now!

The equivalent of saying 'so there' followed by an indefinite length 'lalalala' and putting fingers in your ears.


You may have personal experience of people not agreeing with you, but to suggest that somehow people on this forum have formed a gang with the purpose of intimidating specific posters is just madness. Instead just accept that not everyone will agree with you, just like they wont with me and enjoy a healthy debate.

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

The equivalent of saying 'so there' followed by an indefinite length 'lalalala' and putting fingers in your ears.

:rotfl:

Peter333 wrote: »

I'm not being funny, but you aren't 'disproving' anything Pollycat.

The fact is that ganging up and cliques do exist on this forum. And I'm not the only one who has pointed it out. Like I'm not the only one who has noticed people being rude and cruel, and this being labelled as 'bluntness' and 'being honest.'

Just because you deny it, because you apparently don't ever see it; that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Too many people have pointed it out now. Moreover, I have seen it happen again and again.

And it does happen - PLEASE stop denying it!!!

I am at a loss to fathom why you, or anyone else is denying this goes on. Not just on marriage and relationships but also on other parts of this forum too. Yes, sometimes posters DO just disagree with what people say, but sometimes people DON'T just disagree with someone, they actually put them down and ridicule them, and yes, other people jump in and defend them. It happens... It really does. You can deny it if you like. Doesn't really bother me...

That's all I have to say on the subject, I've made my point. You and your friends on this thread can continue to deny it goes on if you like, with all your straw man examples, but it won't change the fact that it does happen.

Have a good day. I'm off to pack for my holiday to Spain now!

Conversely, just because you insist it does go on doesn't mean that it does happen.

I will continue to express my opinion on the point whenever anyone brings up the subject of 'forum buddies', 'cliques' and 'gangs'.

It is my opinion and you do not have to agree with it, I have no interest whether it bothers you or not.

And I do not have any 'friends' on this forum. I interact with random strangers on subjects that pique my interest or where I think I can give valid advice.
I have never met met these random strangers nor have I pm'd them (unless I've been approached first).

I wish you a good holiday.

Andypandyboy

I think there are cliques in certain areas of MSE, in the over the garden wall type of long running threads for example. If someone posted something on the Old Style threads that was even marginally off what the rest of the posters were saying or in any way challenging to one of them, they would all limp! That is because they have bonded and formed a unit and the tone of the threads is generally huggy, huggy.

On DT and elsewhere on MSE I don't see it. The areas for those who like debate are popuated with those who make a point, and either agree or disagree with points others are making and move on. Yes, you may find yourself agreeing with likeminded folk and thanking their posts, but I doubt most of us are invested enough in it to care who writes what, or who thinks what.

I post what I think, I try to put it politely, and I hope I am never rude, but as I said previously, people often mistake something they didn't want to hear for rudeness and if they hear it from more than one person it morphs into; gangs, cliques and bullying. Why not just take it on face value; everyone has an opinion and you will agree with some and disagree with others, as will everyone else and you will thank accordingly. No agenda, no gangs, no bullying.

The bullying that does go on on MSE is far more insidious, less overt and very successful. It is the behind the scenes reporting of posts that are disagreed with and the resultant PPR of posters whose "crime" is to fall foul of those who are unable to debate so resort to "telling tales". Many long term posters have fallen foul of this.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

I've no idea why it stuck in my head georgie!

I think that thread will stick in everyone's head for a very long time lol! :rotfl: