Victim blaming mentality

pogofish

What about threads where the OP clearly has been an idiot or is looking to actively evade their responsibility for something. We see them pretty regularly in some Forums!

Or even those people who are looking for validation of something or some thought process that looks to be a symptom of a far deeper problem. Is it not the often the right thing to challenge this and ask them to consider looking deeper?

And then there are the threads where the OP clearly gets cold feet and deletes their "precious" post because they don't like the answers - In those cases its "hell-mend-em" and they deserve all they get!

FBaby

I don't think, and I certainly hope there's not any bad feelings long term

Certainly not, I have much more respect for people who are not frightened to enter into an argument! As a matter of fact, it's one of the traits that made me fall in love with my OH (and him with me). I despaired when I went on dates with men who seem to think that agreeing with me on everything would turn me on and make me see them as good boyfriend candidates. It has the opposite effect!

OH do argue (although much less frequently now) and when we do, we can get quite vocal, but the great thing about is that we both have the ability to reflect on what's been said afterwards and to consider the other person's position rather than feel sorry for ourselves. I strongly believe that it has made our marriage stronger as we can trust each other for being totally honest.

I used to argue with my parents and they saw this as me learning to express myself. I never did it disrespectfully, that I would never have got away with, but is was part of our family relationship. My kids (well more my DD!) will argue with me too and I don't have an issue with it as long as she can support her position. The first time she did was a bit of shock though!

I faced this with my boss yesterday. Something happened and he was telling how he thought we should react to it, but I disagreed with him, so told him so, which did surprise him, but I explained why and he said he could see my point. You can argue/disagree constructively without being rude or aggressive, but some people consider you are as soon as you disagree with you.

Pollycat

Peter333 wrote: »

This thread aside, this would stop a lot of ganging up and cliques all supporting their forum buddies.

I wondered when this would come up.

I don't see any 'ganging up' or 'cliques' or 'forum buddies'.

Sometimes I agree with a poster, on another thread I may have totally the opposite viewpoint to the same poster.

I don't tend to notice who's posted something until I've replied.

Is that really what you think some people do?
'Oh, that post was made by %^& so I'll thank it and post to say I agree'.
Really?

The exchange between Guest101 and a number of other posters appear to prove you wrong.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

You can argue/disagree constructively without being rude or aggressive, but some people consider you are as soon as you disagree with you.

I think this is a very valid point.

I see a lot of posts where someone calls another poster rude simply because they have a different viewpoint.

Oh - and a lot trot out the 'you're bullying me' card too.

FBaby

I don't see any 'ganging up' or 'cliques' or 'forum buddies'.

Most of the time I don't even remember who is who and get confused with names! To me it doesn't matter, I don't pick who I agree with and who I don't, although it's inevitable that you tend to be in agreement more often with those you have more in common with.

NBLondon

It depends where you are on the site perhaps... There's a lot of stuff in this bit that I never read - just look at the headlines and skip past. Over in Motoring, I do recognise names and you can often predict the stance they will take from the name. Some of which are always interesting (even if I don't agree) and some of which are always negative and some of which are usually showing off (or trying to).

Guest101

Pollycat wrote: »

I wondered when this would come up.

I don't see any 'ganging up' or 'cliques' or 'forum buddies'.

Sometimes I agree with a poster, on another thread I may have totally the opposite viewpoint to the same poster.

I don't tend to notice who's posted something until I've replied.

Is that really what you think some people do?
'Oh, that post was made by %^& so I'll thank it and post to say I agree'.
Really?

The exchange between Guest101 and a number of other posters appear to prove you wrong.

It's almost like I have a reputation or something...


- But yes totally. There's no real 'ganging up' certainly no 'cliques', but rather individuals who share some common ground.


The nature of the board does give rise to certain recurring topics, so it's natural in those subjects the same posters may all be on one side of the fence. However in other areas of discussion it's not the same.

tea_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't see any 'ganging up' or 'cliques' or 'forum buddies'.

Sometimes I agree with a poster, on another thread I may have totally the opposite viewpoint to the same poster.

I also agree with this. There are people on this board who I do consider friends, but I don't always agree with them. Much as I don't always agree with any of my other friends.

In the verrrrry long-running 'who pays at a restaurant' thread I remember a few posts where Georgiegirl and I were posting very different viewpoints. However, from our posts on another thread I'd consider us friendly. (sorry to pick on you as an example GG ) It's all just good-natured discussion.

And to jump on the Guest bandwagon (:D), we've definitely disagreed on threads before now, but there are others (notably this week!) where we agree.

Do people really have friends (online or not) who they always 100% agree with?

It is frustrating when the slightest difference of opinion to the OP is shouted down as bullying.

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

It's almost like I have a reputation or something...

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that , it just stood out that a couple of posters who say they sometimes disagree with you were agreeing - which sort-of disproves Peter333's point that there are 'forum buddies'.

Guest101

Pollycat wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that , it just stood out that a couple of posters who say they sometimes disagree with you were agreeing - which sort-of disproves Peter333's point that there are 'forum buddies'.

It's fine.


I know I'm not always everyone's cup of tea, so weeks like this one are good