Spending your life with someone you're not in love with...

DigForVictory

I really hesitate to split this down gender lines as I've met wildeyed romantics both male & female, & intelligent pragmatists (likewise both).

I'm just hugely relieved that divorce is not the horrendous stigma it used to be. (As a historian, thinking back to Henry 8, if divorce wasn't an option wars, beheadings etc were considered Almost Reasonable alternatives - but that was then.)

Also that women are not (quite) chattels & that given the right information at the right time in the right country, they have some control over whether the relationship is going to be fruitful. As I do have opinions on those who divorce without sufficient consideration for the children.

onomatopoeia99

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I believe women tend to be biologically impelled to believe their partner is their soulmate. I think Mother Nature does this to create the right environment for child rearing. It's better for us to believe it so we do.

However, I don't think men tend to reciprocate. I think individual women are far more replaceable to men.

I suspect if you were to ask the male 'soulmates' in a candid never-to-be-found-out discussion, we'd discover that should circumstances dictate, our "one true love" would swap us out for some almost random woman and carry on exactly as before. She would be his new proclaimed 'soulmate' and best friend etc and she'd truly believe it.

As far as this man goes, you are completely wrong.

Izadora

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I suspect if you were to ask the male 'soulmates' in a candid never-to-be-found-out discussion, we'd discover that should circumstances dictate, our "one true love" would swap us out for some almost random woman and carry on exactly as before. She would be his new proclaimed 'soulmate' and best friend etc and she'd truly believe it.

I suspect that's complete rubbish. I don't think that there's one special soul mate for each of us and that's the only person who could make us happy (Tim Minchin's "If I didn't have you" sums up my thoughts pretty well) but I also believe that the vast majority of people are with their partner because that's the person they want to be with rather than because they think "they'll do".

System

I don't think that there's one special soul mate for each of us

I didnt either but i do now.

FBaby

I believe women tend to be biologically impelled to believe their partner is their soulmate. I think Mother Nature does this to create the right environment for child rearing.

That made me laugh considering I met my soulmate when I was reaching the end of my childbearing age and never considered the father of my children so!

yep....it is sheer luck even so as to whether one meets them or no.

I believe that he was not the only man in the whole of England who could have made me feel the same way, but I would say they were very few and indeed, I was single for most of my life before I met him, except for the relationship with my kid's dad. So yes, I do feel that luck was on my side, however, so was hope that it would happen one day as long as I didn't make it my whole focus in life.

Saying that, that doesn't mean that the relationship is effortless. We both have strong personalities (one of the reasons we are soulmates!), and a need for independence. That's why for us, it is important to keep the right balance between spending quality time together and time for ourselves. I feel that we do this very well so that times together are wonderfully fulfilling but times apart are looked forward too!

Izadora

Judi wrote: »

I didnt either but i do now.

But if life had taken a different path and you'd met someone different would you not still feel the same, just about them rather than your husband?

DigForVictory

Izadora wrote: »

Tim Minchin's "If I didn't have you"

Rousing thanks for this! And phew, only read rather than played as to be identified humming that might distress the romantics around me.

System

Izadora wrote: »

But if life had taken a different path and you'd met someone different would you not still feel the same, just about them rather than your husband?

Dunno, guess i'll never find out. i think ive just turned into an old romantic as ive got older.

pigpen

Izadora wrote: »

Tim Minchin's "If I didn't have you"

that is one scary creepy bloke.... I'm going to have nightmares now!!!

seven-day-weekend

My husband and I got married in 1971 because we loved each other. We still do. Perhaps we have been lucky. We knew from day one that our relationship was going to be a special one, at the risk of sounding corny, it was two hearts meeting.

We did the 'Moons and Junes and Ferris Wheels' bit and at the same time got on with being each other's best friend, lover, confidante, provider and bank manager . We still do both now, but the Ferris Wheels are a bit more in the background (not vanished though ).


Would I have settled for Mr He'll Do if I had not been lucky enough to meet Mr Right?? I must admit, maybe I would. Things were different back then.

I'm so glad I didn't feel I had to do that,