Spending your life with someone you're not in love with...

Torry_Quine

Well I married my soul-mate and we are still very much in love, nearly 30 years later. He is my best friend and of course I want to spend more time with him than anyone else. I can't understnd for instance going on seperate holidays

catkins

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Well I married my soul-mate and we are still very much in love, nearly 30 years later. He is my best friend and of course I want to spend more time with him than anyone else. I can't understnd for instance going on seperate holidays

No, I would never want to go on separate holidays. I love our holidays and wish we could afford more of them. It's great being able to spend a week or more together doing all the things we both enjoy. OH works long hours and usually works 6 days a week so we don't get to spend enough time together usually.

Although we get on well we do have arguments although they are usually minor ones (we had some real shouting matches years ago and I am rather ashamed to admit I was a thrower of things when I got annoyed). On holiday though I don't think we have ever had even a tiny row.

I have a couple of friends who say they are always glad to get home from holiday because spending so much time with their husband they get bored!

missbiggles1

catkins wrote: »

No, I would never want to go on separate holidays. I love our holidays and wish we could afford more of them. It's great being able to spend a week or more together doing all the things we both enjoy. OH works long hours and usually works 6 days a week so we don't get to spend enough time together usually.

Although we get on well we do have arguments although they are usually minor ones (we had some real shouting matches years ago and I am rather ashamed to admit I was a throwing of things when I got annoyed). On holiday though I don't think we have ever had even a tiny row.

I have a couple of friends who say they are always glad to get home from holiday because spending so much time with their husband they get bored!

Some of our favourite times were the winters when we went to Spain for 4-6 weeks and spent almost every hour together (shopping and internet cafes apart) without speaking to another soul. (Although we did miss the animals.)

System

I just meant I have encountered people who genuinely don't seem to like the person they're married to!

People change though. Not necessarily for the better. Ive been married for 31 years and for 15 of those years hubby and i have spent a large part of them apart due to his job.

We have both changed. I wouldnt say for the better either. He is used to living out of town and i am used to being without him.

suki1964

Judi wrote: »

People change though. Not necessarily for the better. Ive been married for 31 years and for 15 of those years hubby and i have spent a large part of them apart due to his job.

We have both changed. I wouldnt say for the better either. He is used to living out of town and i am used to being without him.

We have had ten years of living apart, and that has put a terrible strain on our marriage

We are working on it, but there's no doubt we have grown apart

We still love each other, but the passion has gone

System

suki1964 wrote: »

We have had ten years of living apart, and that has put a terrible strain on our marriage

We are working on it, but there's no doubt we have grown apart

We still love each other, but the passion has gone

Thats where companionship and security comes in i suppose. We have hit so many hard patches in our marriage in those 15 years and we both know in our heart of of hearts one more hard time will finish us.

Love and marriage is more than a piece of paper.

bugslet

fierystormcloud wrote: »

. Although Pigpen, you say you are a bit envious of your single friends freedom and their 'loving life.' Chances are, they are not as happy as you think, and actually envy you!


Why on EARTH do people stay when a partner has cheated? I mean has any marriage or relationship ever benefited from an affair?

I love my single life, Mr bugs was in hospital/care home for 15 months before exiting and I didn't feel properly single until after he'd died. Now I love it, absolutely flipping love it. He was the least likely to clip your wings on the planet chap going, I spent a lot of my time going out and years on the road at all hours when I was building the business up. But now, well I've done what I want with garden, decorated in a way I wouldn't had he been alive and I might decide on Saturday to go out to a concert,then again I might not and there's no consideration of anyone else, I can decide at the last minute.

Mr bugs had an affair after 19 years. We had had a good relationship, he worked away for 6 years, not even coming back every weekend and I could see the relationship fraying, tried to talk to him, but he was busy with work and didn't see a problem, but could see that there was a widening gap between us - being a bloke no good at putting 2 + 2 together and an affair followed. It was difficult, but we got over it and there was genuine remorse. I wasn't ready to throw 19 years away for one mistake. It wasn't due to finances, I held all the cards. We went on to have some very happy years before the dementia kicked in and changed his personality.

Affairs are one of those things where you have to walk in someone's shoes to understand how you would react.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think it's far more important to love someone than it is to be in love with them.

That ^^^

74jax

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Well I married my soul-mate and we are still very much in love, nearly 30 years later. He is my best friend and of course I want to spend more time with him than anyone else. I can't understnd for instance going on seperate holidays

We holiday together and separately. I loved New York, yet my husband's idea of shear hell. I went with DD and had the most wonderful time. Hubby goes on kite surfing holidays and weekends too, I don't kite so I don't go.

We also have amazing holidays together. I can not wait till it summer holiday this year, three weeks of me and him together just us two. I'm like a school kid thinking of it, yet I have just come back from a retreat for four days with a friend and no hubby.

moneyistooshorttomention

This all goes to confirm that - if I'd known how rarely it seems couples love/are in love with each other that I'd have spent a lot less time and effort trying to find Mr Right than I did in my younger days.

The more I look at it = the more I think it's down to pure luck whether you meet Him/Her or no and if you're meant to meet then you will do so even if one of runs a remote farm or the like (ie the other one will come knocking on the door for a job or directions to the nearest pub or something). If you're not meant to meet - then you can work with plenty of other people (check) and live in a city and have pretty active social life (check) and still not meet them.

Surprising how many people are still going to "get married" regardless though - eg a young girl I met in small town near here recently. We got chatting and I congratulated her when I spotted her engagement ring and one of her comments back was that "there isnt much choice of men here". An accurate statement - but I still ended up feeling rather sorry for her - as she was pleasant and very attractive (ie I would have expected her to be "spoilt for choice" with the men queuing to date her) and it seemed such a shame that I was seeing someone of her agegroup marrying despite it not being "It" as far as I could see.

dirty_magic

I have a couple of friends who say they are always glad to get home from holiday because spending so much time with their husband they get bored.

Is it really because of the husband that they're bored though or was it the holiday itself? I get bored on beach holidays where there's nothing else to do!