Spending your life with someone you're not in love with...

missbiggles1

dirty_magic wrote: »

Is it really because of the husband that they're bored though or was it the holiday itself? I get bored on beach holidays where there's nothing else to do!

It may well be the husband - I have friends who dreaded retirement because of all the time they'd have to spend together.:(

pigpen

I wouldn't want to go on holiday without OH.. I have told him he can go without me if he wants.. but he won't. He likes hot places.. I hate hot.. plus I can't get a passport so couldn't go anywhere anyway. Holidays for me are torturous anyway.. I miss my house and my cats and my routine and I find them such incredible hard work by day 2 I am crying to come home!! and I just get worse.

I miss him if he is 15 minutes late home from college.. By 30 minutes late home he is dead on the road somewhere.. I have issues pmsl.

My ex.. I used to dread weekends.. spending 2 days walking on egg shells, not being allowed to move without permission.. *in pathetic wheedling voice* ..'but I loved him' .... then I woke up and grew a pair!! I did the whole butterflies and $h!t.. its not a substitute for real love and support and affection and caring and respect... That is what truly matters.. what I have now is so much more meaningful and I don't even flinch any more when OH hugs me.

pigpen

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It may well be the husband - I have friends who dreaded retirement because of all the time they'd have to spend together.:(

My mother is hating having my stepdad home 'retired' .. he never does a single thing, he moans constantly and is a total PITA.. He was a window cleaner and couldnt do that any more after a heart attack 5 years ago.. he just spent more and more time at home and asleep and in bed.

My mother is very rarely home just to avoid him.. its sad really that at nearly 70 they cant just enjoy life.

tea_lover

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It may well be the husband - I have friends who dreaded retirement because of all the time they'd have to spend together.:(

Sometimes that's the changing circumstances as much as anything to do with the actual people involved. My parents have been married 46 years and are very happy. They met as young teenagers, never even considered anyone else and definitely love each other very much. They have long holidays together etc..... but still I know my mum was very apprehensive when my dad retired just because it was such a change to their routine. She was worried about him getting in her way and under her feet - even though she absolutely adores him (and vice versa).

A couple of years on and they're having a ball

catkins

dirty_magic wrote: »

Is it really because of the husband that they're bored though or was it the holiday itself? I get bored on beach holidays where there's nothing else to do!

Well one female friend said she gets bored just spending so much time with her husband! Someone I worked with years ago said she got bored on her honeymoon because it was just her and her new husband!

We are pretty lucky in that we have similar interests. Neither of us would ever want to go on a beach holiday. We like to sightsee, visit museums, art galleries, do lots of walking, travel on the buses, trams, trains etc.

One of us may be more interested in seeing something than the other (the Tin Tin museum in Brussels springs to mind) but we will compromise by going there and then whichever one of us was not so interested chooses the next place to visit.

We do that all the time anyway. We go to the theatre and cinema a lot and usually take it in turns to choose what we see. Neither of us like horror films but, other than that, will watch pretty much anything. I have really enjoyed films that OH chose that I would never have dreamt of going to and vice versa. In fact when we first got married we belonged to the National Film Theatre in London and used to go around 4 times a week. I got OH into watching foreign subtitled films and now we watch loads of subtitled things on BBC4.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It may well be the husband - I have friends who dreaded retirement because of all the time they'd have to spend together.:(

Yes I too have friends who are constantly moaning now their husbands are retired and ones that moan that their husband is about to retire.

I don't work and I really wish OH didn't have to. I would love him being home all the time. He won't be able to retire for another 7 years sadly.

I know I would not get fed up or bored of him being home. We worked at home together for a number of years and we also had an outside job together for a few years (just the 2 of us) and I loved it

Tammykitty

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Well I married my soul-mate and we are still very much in love, nearly 30 years later. He is my best friend and of course I want to spend more time with him than anyone else. I can't understnd for instance going on seperate holidays

Me and my husband go on separate holidays sometimes due to differing commitments.


He uses his leave to visit his family who live abroad, I often go with him, but come home earlier as I can't get as long off work.


I then take a separate holiday with friends or my parents sometimes.

FBaby

I have found my soulmate, my perfectly compatible partner, my best friend, best companion, best lover....and I know how massively lucky I am even if I had to wait until I was 40 to meet him, although in a way, that was for the best because I then knew how fortunate it made me.

I personally think I would have struggle to share my life with someone I didn't love deeply because to me love and respect go hand in hand, and without respect, I would struggle to want to share things with that person, and ultimately, would believe that life would be less restrictive without them.

I knew that my OH was my soulmate as soon as I met him, probably because I knew what attributes made him so, and he had them all. Saying that, we do laugh at how we have adjusted to each other's needs and made changes accordingly so that we are not only compatible in our aspirations, beliefs and values, but also in how we share our every day life, which is where companionship comes about.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

I have found my soulmate, my perfectly compatible partner, my best friend, best companion, best lover....and I know how massively lucky I am

I personally think I would have struggle to share my life with someone I didn't love deeply because to me love and respect go hand in hand, and without respect, I would struggle to want to share things with that person, and ultimately, would believe that life would be less restrictive without them.

I'm in the same fortunate position as you.

I would rather live a single life than share life 24/7 with someone who wasn't as right for me.

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

I knew that my OH was my soulmate as soon as I met him

Me too. He proposed 2 weeks after we met and we were married 5 months from the date we met.

moneyistooshorttomention

FBaby - reading a tale like yours shows two things to me:

- its obviously a massive help to know exactly what we require from a partner

- yep....it is sheer luck even so as to whether one meets them or no.

Nice to hear there are a few people out there that get "happy ever after". Gives the rest of us hope...