Can men and women be friends?

justme111

Men and women can be friends if for whatever reason romantic relationship is not on the cards.
It has no relevance to op's situation though. It is very wrong to be attracted to someone else if you have a partner. If one tries to get close to the subject of attraction is double wrong. OP demonstrated complete lack of insight into it as she believes she is fine unless she has sex with the object of her attraction. I thought this thread was a wind up as it is hard to believe human being grown up enough to be married can lack moral compass to such an extent.

onomatopoeia99

indiepanda wrote: »

In any case, your example of two single people hanging out isn't playing with matches - not like there is a boyfriend / girlfriend who is going to get hurt if something happens.

It wasn't two single people, it was one single person (me) and one person in a long term relationship (her, though that ended very recently, not that it's relevant to anything). When she visits (this is an approximately annual thing) we eat, we drink, we laugh, we share our deep dark secrets and we go to bed. Separately. We were friends long before her last relationship started, indeed before the previous one as well and she's not the sort of person to give up her friends just because she's got a boyfriend.

It's not playing with fire, I would never initiate any kind of physical intimacy with someone in a relationship and similarly I would refuse it if initiated by someone in a relationship. Even if no-one else would ever find out, as it's not who I am. I realise this goes against the accepted wisdom that any man will take it if its offered on a plate with no strings attached, but sometimes the accepted wisdom is wrong.

Pollycat

catmiaow wrote: »

He trusts me, but he doesn't socialise much so likes it and doesn't see his own friends much.

I don't understand - so likes what?
Don't you find it strange that he doesn't socialise much or see his own friends but wants to be in the same room when you have friends over?

indiepanda wrote: »

Anyway - since when is watching a DVD quality time? That's something I might do snuggled up with a boyfriend after a day out together when we've spent the day chatting away, not go over to someone's house especially to do, spend the evening staring at the TV not talking to each other.

^^^^ Agree with this.

Georgiegirl256

Pol, I think you're flogging a dead horse with this one! I'm beginning to think this thread is either a wind up, or just someone who likes to wind people up, as it appears there's no talking to some people. It should have been put out of it's misery days ago.

indiepanda

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

It wasn't two single people, it was one single person (me) and one person in a long term relationship (her, though that ended very recently, not that it's relevant to anything). When she visits (this is an approximately annual thing) we eat, we drink, we laugh, we share our deep dark secrets and we go to bed. Separately. We were friends long before her last relationship started, indeed before the previous one as well and she's not the sort of person to give up her friends just because she's got a boyfriend.

It's not playing with fire, I would never initiate any kind of physical intimacy with someone in a relationship and similarly I would refuse it if initiated by someone in a relationship. Even if no-one else would ever find out, as it's not who I am. I realise this goes against the accepted wisdom that any man will take it if its offered on a plate with no strings attached, but sometimes the accepted wisdom is wrong.

To be honest I find it rather reassuring to know there are some gentlemen out there with principles, if only there were more.

Recent experiences of internet dating (not Tinder, I know not to be that daft) hasn't left me with the best impression of most single men. (To be balanced, I've also heard men say the same about their experiences of internet dating and women they've met).

TheSicilian

I think there are plenty to be honest.

However I wonder if the post you're quoting was trying to force their partner (the female who was in a relationship) to not be in the vicinity so they could have alone time? Or if it would've mattered if her partner was there, such as in OP had an issue with.

justme111

What onomatopoeia described is not applicable to op's situation at all as circumstances are different .
Basically there are two discussions here -general friendship between men and women and op's situation. He talked on the former topic, not latter.

Philip624

What would the dvds be? Have you not got netflix?

NBLondon

indiepanda wrote: »

Anyway - since when is watching a DVD quality time?

When you and friend are film buffs and partner isn't? You and friend are going to spend a couple of hours with something from the Studio Ghibli back catalogue and partner would rather get on with their fretwork.


But I don't think this is the case with catmiaow and "friend". How is the quality time spoilt by the partner being in the same room? Stops her whinging about the partner perhaps? Or as has been asked/hinted many times - stops something else happening.


It seems odd from both sides. I too don't have that many one to one friends but I'm friendly with most of my wife's friends (male female gay and straight). But I doubt she would ever need to say - I want you to go out because I'm going to do this with so and so. So if partner is truly distrustful of leaving catmiaow and "friend" alone together - then I think that's the question to be dealt with first.

catmiaow

This isn't a wind up like some have said. I am thinking more and more with time that the friendship is not a good idea. I can't seem to avoid him at work, however I will not be contacting him outside of work that is for sure.