Can men and women be friends?

indiepanda

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

But why put yourself in that position when you need to exercise self control the whole time?
Why not spend your time with either your husband or friends who you don't find attractive?

Well precisely. This seems the equivalent of keeping a large bar of chocolate in eye sight when you're trying to diet.

I would never invite a straight male friend I was attracted to over to my house without my boyfriend being there.

Come to that, I wouldn't invite any male friend over to my house alone if I wasn't open to it ending in sex. I hardly ever entertain at home - mostly people in London go out to see friends, so I would be worried an invite to my home would be read as meaning an invite for more than just watching a movie / having a coffee. And I know no man should assume that to be the case, but some will, so why do it if you aren't ok with that?

Have I gone out with a male friend without my boyfriend - yes, but one I wasn't attracted to, who wasn't attracted to me so there was nothing for anyone to worry about.

onomatopoeia99

indiepanda wrote: »

I would never invite a straight male friend I was attracted to over to my house without my boyfriend being there.

Whereas I would, and have, invited a straight female that I find attractive to my home (i have no girlfriend to be there at the same time) and amazingly not had sex with her, or indeed made any attempt to do so, because we are friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. This was achieved despite copious quantities of wine being consumed by us both (more by her, she can drink me under the table). She has in the past said she finds me attractive, so it's not a case of "well obviously she doesn't fancy you!"

I don't understand the people who assume that two people who find each other attractive, when left alone will necessarily become intimate, even if one or both are in a relationship already.

quelfie83

I've got male friends, and after we move, they basically have an open invitation to come visit and see me and bub when he's born. Hubby doesn't mind one bit, we have a strong relationship and they are his friends too, so he wants to see them as well.

catmiaow

Pollycat wrote: »

Do you live in a bedsit?

I can't grasp your requirement for your husband to not be in the house when you have friends over to satisfy your need for 'quality time' with them.

No but he doesn't leave the room, I hate it! Quality time with friends is spoilt!

catmiaow

indiepanda wrote: »

Well precisely. This seems the equivalent of keeping a large bar of chocolate in eye sight when you're trying to diet.

I would never invite a straight male friend I was attracted to over to my house without my boyfriend being there.

Come to that, I wouldn't invite any male friend over to my house alone if I wasn't open to it ending in sex. I hardly ever entertain at home - mostly people in London go out to see friends, so I would be worried an invite to my home would be read as meaning an invite for more than just watching a movie / having a coffee. And I know no man should assume that to be the case, but some will, so why do it if you aren't ok with that?

Have I gone out with a male friend without my boyfriend - yes, but one I wasn't attracted to, who wasn't attracted to me so there was nothing for anyone to worry about.

Why not? I mean it is just a dvd or whatever. No funny business

catmiaow

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Whereas I would, and have, invited a straight female that I find attractive to my home (i have no girlfriend to be there at the same time) and amazingly not had sex with her, or indeed made any attempt to do so, because we are friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. This was achieved despite copious quantities of wine being consumed by us both (more by her, she can drink me under the table). She has in the past said she finds me attractive, so it's not a case of "well obviously she doesn't fancy you!"

I don't understand the people who assume that two people who find each other attractive, when left alone will necessarily become intimate, even if one or both are in a relationship already.

Exactly sometimes even if you were single, you can see you are better as friends.

Pollycat

catmiaow wrote: »

No but he doesn't leave the room, I hate it! Quality time with friends is spoilt!

Why doesn't he leave the room?

Doesn't he trust you?

Or does he want to share your friends?

catmiaow

Pollycat wrote: »

Why doesn't he leave the room?

Doesn't he trust you?

Or does he want to share your friends?

He trusts me, but he doesn't socialise much so likes it and doesn't see his own friends much.

indiepanda

catmiaow wrote: »

Why not? I mean it is just a dvd or whatever. No funny business

You have to be confident both parties know it's just a DVD and won't change their minds after they've had a few drinks.

Anyway - since when is watching a DVD quality time? That's something I might do snuggled up with a boyfriend after a day out together when we've spent the day chatting away, not go over to someone's house especially to do, spend the evening staring at the TV not talking to each other.

Have to admit I am not quite sure of the point of this thread - you clearly see no issue at all with having close male friends who you are attracted to over to your place when your partner isn't around, so why ask what others think?

indiepanda

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Whereas I would, and have, invited a straight female that I find attractive to my home (i have no girlfriend to be there at the same time) and amazingly not had sex with her, or indeed made any attempt to do so, because we are friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. This was achieved despite copious quantities of wine being consumed by us both (more by her, she can drink me under the table). She has in the past said she finds me attractive, so it's not a case of "well obviously she doesn't fancy you!"

I don't understand the people who assume that two people who find each other attractive, when left alone will necessarily become intimate, even if one or both are in a relationship already.

It's not they necessarily will, but as a woman I tend to have the attitude that if I don't want to risk burning my fingers I won't play with matches. In any case, your example of two single people hanging out isn't playing with matches - not like there is a boyfriend / girlfriend who is going to get hurt if something happens.

When I was younger I totally believed men and women could be friends but after three male friends on the trot declared their interest after in two cases years of us knowing each other, saying they had felt like that the whole time we were friends, I started to question how many men really make friends with women seeking nothing more.

I am willing to believe there are some (my ex is one, which is why we remain friends and I have a friend through work who is ten years my junior and has lots of female friends who I feel completely safe getting drunk with), but equally I have known guys openly admit they have no interest in having female friends other than their girlfriend. (I am meaning friend as in someone you spent time with one on one, not just hang out with as part of a group)