Concerns for 13y/o son - am i over reacting

FBaby

Totally confusing as to who these people are. Your ex' parents?, your partner's parents?

In any case, all I wanted to say is that a lot of what you describe in your son's behaviour is very typical of any young teenage boy going through hormonal changes.

It hit my DS a bit earlier when he was 12, but it was a real shock. He was rude, aggressive, challenging, lazy and more worryingly, seeming depressed, spending all his time in his room, not wanting to communicate or do anything with me, and totally neglecting himself hygiene-wise.

Like most parents going through this, I started to dissect his life to try to find causes, although none really made much sense as he had a very good life overall. Thankfully, by the time I started to think that I needed to take him to the doctor and refer him to the mental health team, we went on our summer holiday, and he returned into the lovely happy boy he used to be and started the new school year like a transformed child. He started to smile again, wanting to interact and gone was the rudeness (well most of the time!).

All this to say, although you may have very valid concerns (whatever they are considering the confusing post), do consider that his attitude/behaviour might have nothing to do with them.

piglet74

I dont think son went to Oz, but I am lost too...

My head hurts reading this... Maybe I am in Oz!!

Mupette

Ex partner's mother is being toxic against OP and his partner.

Ex wants more time with son,

People are noticing that the boy's behaviour is because of ex mother in law, who i think would just be happy if her daughter had full custody of said boy and its being manipulative about it.

Mojisola

cms33 wrote: »

back in sept 2014 i was awarded custody of my son by the courts. On a 5 nights with me and 2 nights with his mum.

I did say at the time she could have him 3 nights thinking i was helping the situation, but was told that she couldn't look after him for 3 nights.

If the custody arrangement was decided by the court then there must have been good reasons for the mother not being given more contact.

Could you talk to the social worker involved at the time and discuss your current concerns?

TBagpuss

Mojisola wrote: »

If the custody arrangement was decided by the court then there must have been good reasons for the mother not being given more contact.

Could you talk to the social worker involved at the time and discuss your current concerns?

Not necessarily, 2 days a week with the non resident parent, many separated fathers have this level of contact. A social worker wouldn't normally be involved in a case relating to contact / residence, it would usually be a Cafcass reporter, but they can't normally get re-involved unless the case goes back to court.

OP, at 13 your son's views would be given significant weight by a court if the matter does go back to court.

Are you concerned that something is happening which is harming your son or is more that he is talking about spending more time with his mum and you are not happy about that?

I agree that he may benefit from being able to discuss all of this with someone who isn't directly involved - could you talk to his school to see whether they have pastoral staff who could speak to him?

Dill

All I am getting from it is there is a confused, withdrawn and upset 13 year old who has been told different things about different parents/step-parents by different people who seem dysfunctional themselves. Poor boy.

sheramber

Is 'his mum, my partner and ex- partner the same person?

restless6

I cannot understand your post to be honest, it is too long and confusing .

However 13year old boys are going through lots of changes and will be different to when they were a bit younger. Thats normal part of growing up.

whitewing

Phone the NSPCC and read the exact wording of the text messages to them.

0808 800 5000

I found it hard to understand your post as well. Sorry.

cms33

OK... so err.. very sorry for making it so confusing it wasn't intentional.. I'll try my best to simplify.. the people mentioned are my partner, which is my current partner... were not married but if it's easier we can call her my wife. The "parents/step mother" are actually from my wife's side of the family.. these are the people I am concerned about the most. It is my wife's step mother that is having these inappropriate conversations with my son.. and it is my wife's step mother that has become very good friends with my ex... ie my sons mum.. I can see between the two of them they are poisoning my son..
I'm not particularly worried if my son wants to see his mum more.. at the end of the day it's his mum and kind of expect it.. as long as it's him making the decision and not his mum putting extreme pressure on him to go more which is how it seems..

Does that make things a little clearer... or have I confused it even more..

Thanks everyone