How do you know when to give up?

Mojisola

Anon324543 wrote: »

I didn't mean to make him sound so bad, he is a very good dad. Very hands on. When I'm very ill I'm almost useless in every sense and he steps in and looks after the children. He pays all the bills, the mortgage, everything, as I'm too ill to hold down a job. (Although I do have savings, but they are in his account)

Another alarm bell ringing!

Why are your savings in his name?

Anon324543

Mojisola wrote: »

It can be much fun for you living with a man who says things like this!

It's not but I have said things in anger too. So I try to think it's frustration. He thinks depression is made up. It's simply feeling sorry for yourself. He came to a psychiatrist appointment with me and dismissed everyhting that was said. He thinks it's weakness, hence he would never "get" depressed. If only it were that simple. He happily told the doctor that my suicidal thoughts were boring, and he wishes I would just get on with it. I have to say the doctor was less than impressed but my husband is very confident, nothing bothers him. He just left the room. I was mortified.
He making breakfast this morning and has actually cooked me something! His mood might be lifting ( I do hope so) I have tried to be very chatty this morning

PeacefulWaters

Anon324543 wrote: »

I didn't mean to make him sound so bad, he is a very good dad. Very hands on. When I'm very ill I'm almost useless in every sense and he steps in and looks after the children. He pays all the bills, the mortgage, everything, as I'm too ill to hold down a job. (Although I do have savings, but they are in his account)

It took me over twenty years to stop making excuses for, and ultimately acknowledge, my wife's controlling, abusive and unloving behaviour towards me.

Removing myself from that marriage has been a revelation. My stress levels are down massively. I'm doing new things, making new friends, losing weight and feel like life is worth living again.

Tell him you'd like to do joint counselling. Give it a go if he agrees.

But, from my experience, start preparing to leave this relationship. I don't think it will ever get better. What makes you think it will?

He thinks depression is made up. It's simply feeling sorry for yourself. He came to a psychiatrist appointment with me and dismissed everyhting that was said. He thinks it's weakness, hence he would never "get" depressed. If only it were that simple. He happily told the doctor that my suicidal thoughts were boring, and he wishes I would just get on with it

Stuff the counselling I suggested above. This man's a tit.

Leave him.

harrys_nan

Mojisola wrote: »

Another alarm bell ringing!

Why are your savings in his name?

This ^^^^^ why oh why has he your savings in his name?

Please try and get them put into you name or at least some of it.

He may be a good dad, but he certainly isn't a good husband.
You need to get help and advice without him knowing and I know that might be hard for you to do, but you need to protect yourself and your children.
Have you any family close to you that you can share this with?

Anon324543

My savings are form an inheritance, he borrowed the money and felt it was better to pay it back into an isa. I didn't kno it was in his name until I enquired. If I mention it he does say I cna have it back ( although the last time this involved him losing it and throwing coins at me) if I bring it up its a sign of mistrust , he hates me not trusting him. Which is odd because if I go anywhere (rare, he takes me or I have the kids) he accuses me of meeting men...:eek: annoying as he knows full well it's not true, it's just so he can pick an argument

Anon324543

harrys_nan wrote: »

This ^^^^^ why oh why has he your savings in his name?

Please try and get them put into you name or at least some of it.

He may be a good dad, but he certainly isn't a good husband.
You need to get help and advice without him knowing and I know that might be hard for you to do, but you need to protect yourself and your children.
Have you any family close to you that you can share this with?

The savings are as good as spent, he wants us to buy a new car ( despite me not driving and him hating driving me anywhere)
My family are all very distant now, for years he's made sure we don't go near anyone but his family, and if I'm painting my husband in a bad light I won't start on his beloved mother. So no. I'm on my own entirely. Apart form the children. My eldest sticks up for me, he will often say when he's a grown up I will live with him and he will look after me. I know the feel awful when they are told to ignore me. But they have no choice. He goes into moods with them too. "You love your mum more than me, I might as well leave"

whitewing

It is time to break up your marriage now. But giving up must never, ever mean that you are not around for your children.

Give your family a call and have an honest conversation with them. Would they be able to support you? Or do they consider themselves estranged from you?

Anon324543

whitewing wrote: »

It is time to break up your marriage now. But giving up must never, ever mean that you are not around for your children.

Give your family a call and have an honest conversation with them. Would they be able to support you? Or do they consider themselves estranged from you?

They are estranged. They hated him for the start and I made my bed as far as they are concerned. I was only at the service for my dad's funeral, I didn't go to the wake. So I'm not flavour of the month. Unfortunately, at the time the children were little and he was looking after them and gave me a time to be home. It was made clear if I left not to return.

Anon324543

I should add I have some savings of my own, been squirrelling away for years, he has no idea and I do feel bad but I hate being completely reliant on someone else

Mojisola

Anon324543 wrote: »

My savings are form an inheritance, he borrowed the money and felt it was better to pay it back into an isa. I didn't kno it was in his name until I enquired. If I mention it he does say I cna have it back ( although the last time this involved him losing it and throwing coins at me)

if I bring it up its a sign of mistrust , he hates me not trusting him.

Which is odd because if I go anywhere (rare, he takes me or I have the kids) he accuses me of meeting men...:eek: annoying as he knows full well it's not true, it's just so he can pick an argument

Just from the few posts you've made, your husband ticks many of the boxes on the list of abusive partners.

You need to get help to get yourself and your children away from this man. Please contact Women's Aid!