No children at wedding

Lily-Rose_3

fuddle wrote: »

It's easy to read a post and write a logical response. I agree with all you have said but I'm afraid the act was typical of the person she is. She is very self centred and continues to be so. Yes DH knows my feelings, he shares such feeling and also keeps her at arms length for a multitude of reasons.

A respectful person would respect someone's wishes. I am a respectful person and would not enter a place I was not welcome. I did put it all aside and joined in the the rest of the day.

Her decision was not a decision I would ever make. We are 2 different people and not likely to ever get on any way. Think oil and water.

I'm not holding on to anything at all. It's gone but certainly didn't make me want to build on our relationship. I don't need people like that around me and it's my choice and DH's choice to continue to keep her at arms length.

It's no big deal and actually forgotten until I read this thread. For what it's worth I have had a multitude of issues in my life that I have had to deal with and over come, stronger. Sat outside a church with my little ones is small fry.

So I guess in that case then, even without having to sit outside the Church with the kids, your relationship with your SIL would still have been poor. (If she is such a self centred bint.)

From the way you worded it, it sounded like it was this one thing that caused the issue. To be fair, my response was based on what you said in the first post. I didn't know about all the stuff you added on in your second post.

I am a bit baffled about the sitting outside the Church with the kids thing... Did she ask you to do this? Did your husband think this was OK when you were clearly unhappy about it?

You said

It was my sister in laws wedding (DH's sister) we, of course, were invited and expected to go. I, on the other hand, was expected to stay outside the church with my 3 year old and my new born baby.

I'm just having a problem envisaging a scenario where your husband's sister sent a wedding invitation to your husband and you and the kids, and then you were asked/told to sit outside with the kids. Did the SIL ask you to stay outside? And if so, what was the point in inviting the kids if they weren't allowed into the Church? Who 'expected' you to sit outside the Church in the cold, with your kids? :huh:

stormbreaker

My OH was best man many years ago. I knew there were going to be other children at the wedding and wrongly assumed that our son would be invited.

We made the excuse that we could not find an all day babysitter, he was only 18 months, so he came to the wedding with me, was a quiet as a church mouse. Sat in a high chair at the meal and I provided his dinner. My sister later picked him up. No problems.
I was extremely hurt to find once at the wedding that several other children had been invited and they were 'friends' kids rather being kids of the family or wedding party.

fuddle

lol Ok.

We received the invites but it was a formality. We had known months before hand the date of the wedding. A couple of months before hand DH told me that children weren't allowed in the church but we were invited to everything afterwards.

DH and I agreed that we wouldn't go to the ceremony and just go to the aftwards part. Bearing in mind my youngest on the day was 4 weeks old and I was recovering from a planned c-section. The logistics were playing heavily in my mind.

SIL didn't like that her brother wouldn't be at the wedding because people would be gossiping why. It was then decided that DH and I would be there with the guests but then retire to the car, coming out again ready for when the guests would be coming out.

On the day SIL came to the church and made a fuss telling DH that he must be at the wedding. To avoid any scene he went into the church followed by me and it's at this point I was told that children aren't allowed and to stay outside... car keys in DH's pocket in the church hence staying outside the church.

It was an awful situation to be in and regardless of my feelings of feeling left out etc DH and I tried to come up with a scenario where should could have her wishes without her feeling like people where gossiping on her big day.

I suppose I am still quite bitter, you're right lily rose and maybe other stuff that has happened since wouldn't be as detrimental to the rapport but what's done is done.

I don't feel like I'm holding on to it but typing this has me all riled again so maybe I haven't let it go but I have no desire to try to make uo and get on with her. we won't be friends. It works as best as it can and its enough to not be awkward for anyone when we do meet up.

Lily-Rose_3

OK fair enough. It all sounds very unfair on you though. Sounds like it's best that you don't see this woman much. Sounds like she is best kept at arms length!

Still seems daft that she invited you all, and then said the kids can't come into the Church though!

fuddle

It is odd isn't it? I'll never fathom it either. Maybe she just doesn't like me eh? She hasn't anything against my girls who are now 11 and 7 so...

Ah whatever. I think everyone should have the wedding they want and if children aren't desirable then so be it but it's such a shame because children are very much a part of a family. Friends with children who aren't part of the friendship, fare enough, but yeah, it's difficult to accept that children within the family aren't welcome.

pigpen

Fuddle.. a wedding is a public event so they couldnt force you to stay out any more than if I had turned up! (My nanna has been known to randomly crash weddings and funerals)

I wouldnt have gone tbh threats or no threats.. and my OH would have told those who asked where I was why I was not there. Really though, had none of you gone what would she do? Not speak to you again.. doesnt sound like much of a loss!

Person_one

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I think it's incredibly sad that this issue is still affecting you a whole SEVEN years later! :eek:

That's very destructive, to hold on to that kind of resentment. Does your SIL know how you feel? Does your husband know?

You still have a fractured relationship with your SIL, because she didn't want your kids in the Church? I think you should try and deal with this issue. It's really not healthy.

I think it's fair enough actually, to be invited to a significant family event but then told to stand outside while everybody else is welcomed in, that's really hurtful. If that's how the SIL has treated her since too, it's not surprising the relationship is tricky.

burnoutbabe

well it sounds like the husband and wife WERE invited but insisted on bringing their kids rather than declining. So therefore should have just gone to the reception, rather than agreeing to any mad plan of sitting outside the church "for apperance sake".

I'd blame your DH for this more than his sister, why on earth did he agree to go in and leave you outside.

onlyroz

fuddle, I would have been mortified if I was asked to stand outside the church with the kids while my hubby was told he must go inside. I would have been tempted to turn around and go back home again.

Regardless of what some people think, wedding ceremonies are public occasions and anybody has a right to attend.

susancs

Fuddle, it is awful that you had to stand outside the church during the wedding ceremony with a 4 week old and 4 year old, while you were still recovering from a C section. What a horrid way to treat anyone.