No children at wedding

Kaye1

At the last big wedding we went to, I knew there were several noisy boys coming. I also KNEW the parents would do chuff all to keep them quiet.

So I was ready! I had a handbag with white chocolate buttons (less chance of stains), wipes and some of those little toy things you get out of kinder eggs. I also took bubbles for outside.

I knew they would be noisy because they had behaved like lunatics at the rehearsal. The vicar had spoken to the parents previously and I knew it would make no difference. The bride had very nicely asked the parents to stop them running around to no avail.

So when they kicked off, I motioned for them to come and see what Aunty Cxxxxx had in her bag. It gave us enough breathing space to get through the ceremony. However, there were at least 15 other children who were perfectly behaved, so I don't know if a blanket ban is the answer or not!

Hope all goes well.

Helvetica_Van_Buren

Those people replying to this thread telling you can't have it both ways are wrong - you can have whomever you want there because it's your wedding.

If you don't want children as guests but want some as the wedding party then you do that - it's your wedding.

Dustyblinds

cjdavies wrote: »

Totally different but the same I guess, I went on a tour around a rugby stadium last year, with my Dad and 8 year old nephew.

During the tour there was a couple with a toddler no older than 2. During the tour guide speech the child was crying, parents made no attempt to calm him or remove him, in my head I was thinking "!!!!!! I can't hear a bloody thing the guide is saying".

After a while the tour guide said polity if they could take the child over there, luckily the mother did, but it shouldn't have been the guide to tell them.

I remember years ago at my cousins wedding, my brother crept into the church late so as not to disturb the ceremony, my then 2 year old nephew noticed his favourite uncle had arrived and started to cry as his stubborn mother wouldn't let him sit on his knee. We kept whispering to her to let the boy go and sit with him but she refused saying he's a spoiled brat and couldn't always have his own way. Funny that it didn't usually bother her that he loved his uncle when she wanted to go out, but during a family wedding she decided to make a stand. No wonder people don't want kids at weddings

fabforty

If you don't want children, just say so but say it as early as possible. I have two children and if a couple really did not want them there I would prefer them to say so rather than grin and bear it. As long s you are prepared to accept that some guests won't attend. It's your wedding, your choice.

fuddle

I've been in the receiving end of this and it isn't nice at all.

It was ny sister in laws wedding (DH's sister) we, of course, were invited and expected to go. I, on the other hand, was expected to stay outside the church with my 3 year old and my new born baby.

It wasn't about keeping numbers down or costs as we were at the whole of the rest of the wedding but I didn't feel comfortable celebrating something I had not been allowed to partake in.

If my children, her niece's, were to have made a noise I would certainly have taken them out as I am a respectful person but because that decision of hers was made our relationship is extremely fractured 7 years on.

Think very carefully about whether your friendships/family ties are strong enough to get through such a decision.

samroo

Honestly i think that wedding days themselves have gone over the top as regards the actual day itself. The most important thing is getting married to the person you love and should be a celebration with family and friends. If your family includes children then they should be invited

Lily-Rose_3

fuddle wrote: »

I've been in the receiving end of this and it isn't nice at all.

It was my sister in laws wedding (DH's sister) we, of course, were invited and expected to go. I, on the other hand, was expected to stay outside the church with my 3 year old and my new born baby.

It wasn't about keeping numbers down or costs as we were at the whole of the rest of the wedding but I didn't feel comfortable celebrating something I had not been allowed to partake in.

If my children, her niece's, were to have made a noise I would certainly have taken them out as I am a respectful person but because that decision of hers was made our relationship is extremely fractured 7 years on.

Think very carefully about whether your friendships/family ties are strong enough to get through such a decision.

I think it's incredibly sad that this issue is still affecting you a whole SEVEN years later! :eek:

That's very destructive, to hold on to that kind of resentment. Does your SIL know how you feel? Does your husband know?

You still have a fractured relationship with your SIL, because she didn't want your kids in the Church? I think you should try and deal with this issue. It's really not healthy.

And did you know that no matter what anyone says, nobody can tell you that yours kids cannot come into the Church or register Office? It's a public place.

fuddle

It's easy to read a post and write a logical response. I agree with all you have said but I'm afraid the act was typical of the person she is. She is very self centred and continues to be so. Yes DH knows my feelings, he shares such feeling and also keeps her at arms length for a multitude of reasons.

A respectful person would respect someone's wishes. I am a respectful person and would not enter a place I was not welcome. I did put it all aside and joimed in the the rest of the day.

Her decision was not a decision I would ever make. We are 2 different people and not likely to ever get on any way. Think oil and water.

I'm not holding on to anything at all. It's gone but certainly didn't make me want to build on our relationship. I don't need people like that around me and it's my choice and DH's choice to continue to keep her at arms length.

It's no big deal and actually forgotten until I read this thread. For what it's worth I have had a multitude of issues in my life that I have had to deal with and over come, stronger. Sat outside a church with my little ones is small fry.

CruisingSaver

I'm not surprised you feel that way Fuddle. Being expected to stand outside the church with a toddler and a new born is far too bridezilla for my taste!

POPPYOSCAR

Helvetica_Van_Buren wrote: »

Those people replying to this thread telling you can't have it both ways are wrong - you can have whomever you want there because it's your wedding.

If you don't want children as guests but want some as the wedding party then you do that - it's your wedding.

The point people are making is that if you invite some but others you may upset some guests.


This happened to someone I know when their brother got married they were told no children and they accepted it.


However at the wedding the bride had some of her friends children there.


As a consequence rightly or wrongly the two sisters went home straight after the ceremony to 'check' on their children and so are not in any of the wedding photos.


The groom was upset by this, so yes you can invite who you like as long as you are happy to accept any consequences.