No children at wedding

onlyroz

Admittedly I've not been to that many weddings but I've never known children to run up and down the aisles. Most parents I know (myself included) simply sat at the end of the aisle prepared to take their toddler out for a bit if necessary.

DavidF

Poor Fuddle is getting criticized here for basically being stitched up by her SIL (or even worse other family members ).
Fuddle + Mr Fuddle invited to Wedding
Mr+Mrs Fuddle say sorry cant come as kids not invited and Mrs fuddle will have just given birth
Bride does not like this idea she WANTS MR + Mrs Fuddle to attend wedding to save appearances so it seems devises a plan Invite all to wedding including Baby Fuddle
The Fuddle family arrive at the big day (invited to every part) only to be told that Mrs fuddle needs to stay outside with kids during ceremony (Think how lovely that must have looked.....I just hope it were not raining).
Mr Fuddle was already inside so Mrs fuddle and kids were alone outside
This on the face of it was the Brides plan all along to stitch up the Fuddle family to ensure she got her own way.....Not cool nor acceptable and tbh the Fuddle's are better people than me because I would have been straight in the car and off home as soon as Mr Fuddle had come out of the church.

fuddle

There are parents who try to teach their children what is socially acceptible in certain circumstances and in order to do that children need the experience. Some parents, myself included, work hard ti teach children about respectful behaviour.

For me the problem stems from distraction techniques resulting in more and more attention given to a situation that isn't too positive. The 'fuss' is being rewarded and the boredom elviated. 'Ah' said the child 'that works!'

An then there's the parenting who uses electronic devices so the child is so engrossed and so silent that they will never experience what is socially acceptible and respectful behaviour. If ever that device is not available the child, I feel, will display behabviours that are immature because of the inability to learn the skills neeced.

Some of us are working hard at raising children but those hardworking amongst us need our children to be included in situations in order to donthe teaching needed.

pickledonionspaceraider

The white noise of the raging argument aside - OP you can do whatever the heck you want - you are funding the day and it is YOUR wedding day!! The only thing is, be nice.

No, not everyone likes children. That is fine. Not everyone wants to fund a meal, a seat, etc, for additional extended family kids that they rarely see or know (cousins kids - are you close to them?). I can see why, it may all be a bit fake, just because they are under the banner of 'family'.

I would address invites as in a polite but firm manner 'Please note that the invite is for Mr and Mrs only - as the venue is now at capacity'

Those who want to be there, WILL find a way
Such is the ridiculousness of weddings these days that there is always one guest that will feel 'put out' because they are not top priority.

Person_one

Helvetica_Van_Buren wrote: »

I go back to my original point: you do whatever you and your partner want to do. If guests are going to !!!!! and whine about it then that's a reflection on them, not you.

Yeah, who cares about all those family members and friends you care about? Screw 'em.

Jagraf

fuddle wrote: »

There are parents who try to teach their children what is socially acceptible in certain circumstances and in order to do that children need the experience. Some parents, myself included, work hard ti teach children about respectful behaviour.

For me the problem stems from distraction techniques resulting in more and more attention given to a situation that isn't too positive. The 'fuss' is being rewarded and the boredom elviated. 'Ah' said the child 'that works!'

An then there's the parenting who uses electronic devices so the child is so engrossed and so silent that they will never experience what is socially acceptible and respectful behaviour. If ever that device is not available the child, I feel, will display behabviours that are immature because of the inability to learn the skills neeced.

Some of us are working hard at raising children but those hardworking amongst us need our children to be included in situations in order to donthe teaching needed.

i agree that kids need to learn but again, that's not the point of someone else's wedding. It is not about someone else's children learning or otherwise. It is of no relevance to the bride and groom whether someone else's child has a learning experience that day.

As a bride I would want children to be quiet, I wouldn't think "let them be noisy so their parents can use the opportunity to show them that their behaviour in spoiling my wedding day is unacceptable".

fairy_lights

fuddle wrote: »

There are parents who try to teach their children what is socially acceptible in certain circumstances and in order to do that children need the experience. Some parents, myself included, work hard ti teach children about respectful behaviour.

Yes absolutely, parents need to expose their children to a range of social settings so they can learn how to behave appropriately - but a wedding which has cost thousands of pounds and is for most people a once in a lifetime experience is not the time for that.

Person_one

Jagraf wrote: »

i agree that kids need to learn but again, that's not the point of someone else's wedding. It is not about someone else's children learning or otherwise. It is of no relevance to the bride and groom whether someone else's child has a learning experience that day.

When weddings weren't such a big deal though, and couples were less fussy/precious about having everything be absolutely perfect and magical and exactly as they want it, then children did grow up knowing how to behave at them precisely because they were always included.

I've been to some lovely child free weddings, but I do think there was a lot to be said for the time when weddings didn't have to be 'unique' and cost the same as a house deposit!

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

When weddings weren't such a big deal though, and couples were less fussy/precious about having everything be absolutely perfect and magical and exactly as they want it, then children did grow up knowing how to behave at them precisely because they were always included.

I've been to some lovely child free weddings, but I do think there was a lot to be said for the time when weddings didn't have to be 'unique' and cost the same as a house deposit!

Indeed but regardless of your personal feelings -and preferences -fashions in styles of weddings has changed and it's a pretty self centred parent who allows their child to spoil what is an expensive and unique day because they see it as a learning opportunity-for their little darling and prioritize that need above the bride, groom and all the other guests enjoyment of the ceremony.

Frankly with a new born and a toddler to keep quiet single handed I'd not have even attempted to attend the ceremony but simply have attended the reception. If the bride was unhappy with that-that was their problem. One or the other I'd have attended but made sure I was close enough to the exit to make a quiet and speedy exit if required. Unless Bridezilla wanted to provide a babysitter of course to ensure my full attendance !!

I do think most brides and grooms have a preference for having the aisle to themselves rather than sharing it with a shouting toddler running up and down it -and for the guests to be able to hear them make their vows-I don't think that is demanding perfection just expecting consideration for everyone attending/

duchy

fuddle wrote: »

Some of us are working hard at raising children but those hardworking amongst us need our children to be included in situations in order to donthe teaching needed.

And there are those of us who manage to teach our children to do so by exposing them to social situations at our own expense so we don't ruin an expensive wedding with their lack of social training.

(Quite how is a new born going to learn by crying or not at a wedding btw ?)

It's the attitude you are displaying that encourages people to have a no kids rule as most people who have one have it because they've experienced your style of "teaching" at previous weddings.