No children at wedding

fuddle

erm insisting on bringing our kids? You're not really reading correctly are you burnoutbabe? The children were invited to the sitdown meal and everything because they are her neices.

I think it's important to get this into perspective - aside from the girl we are a close family and my children are very much part of that family. What went on wasn't right and I expect all this attention is because it's so far fetched that people will think I'm making it up.

It happened. There are people that will refuse their young neices entry to the church part of their wedding for fear they will make a noise but don't want tongues wagging in doing so and invite and pay for them to be part of the wedding party, with eldest in a bridesmaid dress.

keeping up appearances went along with by us because we are close to the rest of the family. We kept the peace.

Now believe what you like but I'll take myself away from this thread now I think. Crack on though with your negativity burnoutbabe.

My DH is a fantastic man. You have no idea.

Lunar_Eclipse

Unless you want to cause ill feeling, you generally either invite children or you don't. The only exceptions really are that often children of family members are invited, so you could have all nieces & nephews for example( but not some!) without inviting your friends offspring for instance.

The way to make this clear is that you address the invites to exactly who is invited, eg Jane & Simon or Jane, Simon, Max and Eliza ...

Andypandyboy

fuddle wrote: »

erm insisting on bringing our kids? You're not really reading correctly are you burnoutbabe? The children were invited to the sitdown meal and everything because they are her neices.

I think it's important to get this into perspective - aside from the girl we are a close family and my children are very much part of that family. What went on wasn't right and I expect all this attention is because it's so far fetched that people will think I'm making it up.

It happened. There are people that will refuse their young neices entry to the church part of their wedding for fear they will make a noise but don't want tongues wagging in doing so and invite and pay for them to be part of the wedding party, with eldest in a bridesmaid dress.

keeping up appearances went along with by us because we are close to the rest of the family. We kept the peace.

Now believe what you like but I'll take myself away from this thread now I think. Crack on though with your negativity burnoutbabe.

My DH is a fantastic man. You have no idea.

One thing puzzles me. The bride normally arrives after all the guests are in church so how did she ask or make clear that your children should stay outside?

It must have been awful for you considering you had really only just given birth. Could no one else have intervened? I have to say I would have ignored any such direction and just sat at the back of church with my family and taken the baby out at the first sign of a whimper. It was an unacceptable request given that the children had been invited to the reception.

duchy

fuddle wrote: »

It is odd isn't it? I'll never fathom it either. Maybe she just doesn't like me eh? She hasn't anything against my girls who are now 11 and 7 so...

Ah whatever. I think everyone should have the wedding they want and if children aren't desirable then so be it but it's such a shame because children are very much a part of a family. Friends with children who aren't part of the friendship, fare enough, but yeah, it's difficult to accept that children within the family aren't welcome.

So people should have the wedding they want ......but you feel your beliefs that children should attend gives you the right to criticize their choices for their wedding day ?

Uh -okaaaaay

Do you expect other people to respect YOUR choices in life .......or do you think it's OK for them to agree it's your decision but then complain to all and sundry how as their beliefs are not yours YOU must be in the wrong ?

fuddle

I shared my experience so the OP could have an insight into how it can feel for a person if the children issue iisn't handled carefully and asked OP to think carefully about whether the bonds and ties would be strong enough to survive a negative experience like my own.

I was asked question after question so went further into detail. I was told what I did or my husband did, or didn't do was wrong. I replied.

I am not complaining to all and sundry duchy. I am taking part in a discussion, explaining and sharing my views.

My last word on this will be...

Every bride and groom should have the wedding they wish in my view duchy, yes. My SIL expressed a wish and we tried very hard to accomodate right up until the very end and when it didn't go in a way that was very desirable for me, I shut up, didn't make a fuss and let it be choosing to keep the peace and following her wishs. Even though I do think people should have their wedding in a way they wish I am still allowed and entitled to feel hurt when myself and my children, her invited nieces, are excluded from a very special family ceremony. I took it badly and took it to heart but that was because the goal posts changed right at the end. We accomodated everything she'd asked for without negativity. Had I gone in anyway or had we refused to go or had DH walked back out in disgust then you could have called us all the names under the sun. But we didn't we went along keeping the peace.

We are decent people and what happened to us is completely alien from our own values but it doesn't mean that she should have let us in if she didn't want to and it doesn't mean I have the right to insist. My actions backed up that thinking.

Question the detail by all means but please refrain from questioning my integrity duchy. I was a ruddy good human being that day, hiding my hurt and also anger for the good of the day, the bride and the rest of the family.

Jagraf

I think more children would be invited if you could guarantee the parents behaved appropriately.

I've been to weddings where toddlers have been running up and diwn the aisle, banging their toys on the pews, crying etc and the parents let them. These are very natural things for kids to do - but very lazy parenting and an inability to understand no one wants to see your children running round.

You see this all over the place (restaurants, etc) so no wonder people are on high alert. It's very often just not worth the risk.

My sister in law did bring her toddler to our wedding and kept her quiet by giving her my bouquet to ruin.

Helvetica_Van_Buren

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The point people are making is that if you invite some but others you may upset some guests.

Thanks for that game-changing clarity you've provided me.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

This happened to someone I know when their brother got married they were told no children and they accepted it.

However at the wedding the bride had some of her friends children there.

As a consequence rightly or wrongly the two sisters went home straight after the ceremony to 'check' on their children and so are not in any of the wedding photos.

The groom was upset by this, so yes you can invite who you like as long as you are happy to accept any consequences.

Everyone's got a story.

But the fact remains it's up to the bride and groom to decide what THEY want and not what other people want.

Helvetica_Van_Buren

What a load of waffle. I can't believe some of the spineless "you should keep everyone happy" comments I'm reading.

OP - as soon as you start trying to please everyone you end up pleasing no-one and your day becomes a diluted soup of compromise in order to keep people happy that you only see a few times a year.

I go back to my original point: you do whatever you and your partner want to do. If guests are going to !!!!! and whine about it then that's a reflection on them, not you.

Spendless

Jagraf wrote: »

I think more children would be invited if you could guarantee the parents behaved appropriately.

I've been to weddings where toddlers have been running up and diwn the aisle, banging their toys on the pews, crying etc and the parents let them. These are very natural things for kids to do - but very lazy parenting and an inability to understand no one wants to see your children running round.

You see this all over the place (restaurants, etc) so no wonder people are on high alert. It's very often just not worth the risk.

Totally agree. Yesterday, my parents had their enjoyment of watching a show their Granddaughter (my DD) was in.

This is because directly behind my Dad was a woman with her 2 yo girl. The Mum let her daughter stand directly in front of where she was seated. This meant the child was directly behind my Dad and was constantly knocking his seat and was talking. Naturally, she was excited, especially each time she saw the panto cow.:D It was not the child's fault at all, but Mum should have had her sat at the side of her. There were plenty of spaces and booster seats available to borrow. I was sat 2 spaces from my Dad and I could hear the child and noticed people from further down rows looking back because of the talking. If she'd been sat in her seat, then the chattering wouldn't have been so loud.

I do think my Dad could have handled what he said a bit better. To politely request the child was asked to put in her seat because his chair was being knocked and she was talking in his ear, would have been better than him snapping at the lady, which escalated into a minor argument and not long after lady and daughter left theatre.

duchy

Ultimately if people want to bring their children to a wedding -in my view they also have a responsibility to make sure their little cherubs remain quiet and cherub-like and if they don't be prepared to take them out straightaway. Most parents know their kids well enough to see when an outburst is coming and if they position themselves somewhere a discreet and fast exit is possible to avoid disruption or distraction from the ceremony -then fine. It's the parents who can't/won't do this or who think the world revolves around their children regardless of how that impacts on others who are the problem and makes brides and grooms want to exclude all children.

Parents (and I'm one too) should understand that it isn't a reflection on their children or them but simply a reaction to seeing how some parents are -Anyone who has sat through a wedding where no-one can hear the vows because of shouting toddler or a crying baby has probably said to themselves "Not happening at MY wedding" and who can blame them ? It's a one off never caan be repeated special day .

If parents could be trusted not to allow their kids to disupt a wedding then we wouldn't be having this ever repeating conversation =simply a wedding ceremony is one of those rare times that "Children should be seen but not heard " still applies