Bank of mam and Dad,do you have you?

Lunar_Eclipse

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

I'm not trying to de-rail the thread, but I wonder if this is a familial cultural thing?

I know my grandparents were helped by my great grandparents, in turn they helped my parents (not sure about my in laws), but both my in laws and my parents have helped us and we are planning to help our kids.

xxx

I think there might be something in this.

My dad's parents were very good to my parents financially and provided childcare/a home for us all when I was born to my youthful newlywed parents. My parents, in turn, have helped our family significantly, believing it's the right thing to do given how fortunate they were and are.

I'm another that doesn't believe buying groceries for your university aged children counts as 'helping them', though obviously having food to eat is helpful. We will expect our children to work full time in most holidays, take whatever loans they can and manage their finances well. We will fund most of their daily living expenses, probably via a monthly contribution for them to budget. My parents sat me down and we figured out a termly budget ... and no, I didn't run out of money before the terms ended.

Person_one

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Alternatively you could have saved that money for a year, and then bought the double glazing once you had saved up the money. Not that I'm particularly picking on you, onlyroz It was an appropriate post to quote for my thoughts.

There seems to have been a shift over the last 30 years from saving up + then buying, to borrowing + buying + repaying. Was the change caused by easy access to credit in the 80s, to now be replaced with borrowing from anywhere people can (including parents)? Does anybody now save up for things?

:dance: I want it all, and I want it now :dance:

I think its a bit of a misconception that debt is somehow a new invention and that people always saved up in the past.

Loads of people have been buying stuff on HP, on catalogue payment plans, using local loan sharks etc. for many many decades.

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

I think its a bit of a misconception that debt is somehow a new invention and that people always saved up in the past.

Loads of people have been buying stuff on HP, on catalogue payment plans, using local loan sharks etc. for many many decades.

Except in the "good old days" people would have kept quite about it. My mum says that she was sworn to secrecy by my Grandma over the fact that their 3-piece-suite was bought "on the never never".

Newdirections

Yes, my parents have given me a lot. They bought be a flat outright and I pay them back monthly, like a mortgage.

maman

Jagraf wrote: »

I can't wait to help my DD out when she learns to drive. Her grandparents (my parents) have been stashing away pound coins since she was born for her lessons. They couldn't afford to do it for me and it gives them, and her, loads of pleasure.

There is a fine line though between independence and just being given things. I like to think I offer the wings and they have to fly themselves. Everyone's fine line is different.

My DD1 took her test at 17 and passed but DD2 failed first time. She then went off to university and didn't bother to take up driving again until this year. She's now 46!:eek: DH and I took up paying for her lessons again and will do until she passes. SIL pointed out that it would have been a hell of a lot cheaper for us if she'd persevered 30 years ago! :rotfl:


We choose to give money to our DDs because we like to treat them. Neither of them have ever asked for a penny.

Maye101

I've had a two way thing with my parents. They went through so rough times so I paid for their mortgage and bills for a bit. I borrowed from them last summer when i was going through a rough patch. I borrowed £825 and I'm paying it back. I hope to never ever borrow from them again.

kloana

In my family, I (the 'child') am generally the one who helps my parents and siblings. Because I can and because I'm happy to do so.

I've lent, gifted and bailed out on innumerable occasions, within the immediate family. But I don't hold anyone to ransom over it, or expect anyone to fall at my feet because of it. The fact that I can help out when needed gives the family a bit of a security blanket - I know it sets my mum's (often troubled) mind at ease, anyway!

I've never felt exploited or taken for granted....I think that's where problems would arise.

pickledonionspaceraider

A couple of years after moving out, still a teenager I got myself into a mess and my parents lent me £200 to bail me out.

I've still not heard the last of it now, as only last week my Dad 'reminded' me of the time -25 years ago, I needed to borrow some money...

maman

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

A couple of years after moving out, still a teenager I got myself into a mess and my parents lent me £200 to bail me out.

I've still not heard the last of it now, as only last week my Dad 'reminded' me of the time -25 years ago, I needed to borrow some money...

I think, if you haven't already done so, I'd be handing him an envelope with £200 next time I saw him just to make the point.

Pollycat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

A couple of years after moving out, still a teenager I got myself into a mess and my parents lent me £200 to bail me out.

I've still not heard the last of it now, as only last week my Dad 'reminded' me of the time -25 years ago, I needed to borrow some money...

maman wrote: »

I think, if you haven't already done so, I'd be handing him an envelope with £200 next time I saw him just to make the point.

A friend of mine has been bailed out of credit card/store card debt by her parents a couple of times - the store cards date back to her teens (over 30 years ago).

Her Mum still bangs on about it.