Bank of mam and Dad,do you have you?

restless6

Having grown up in poverty, I was always jealous of people who got gifted house deposits, car loans etc by their parents.

am not in a financial position to do that for my own children but I have saved since each ones birth to help them through uni.

SingleSue

I have used the bank of mum and dad but always paid it back in instalments (it's a pride thing for me). My brother and sister had their driving lessons paid for them, I paid my own.

I am now the bank of mum to two of my children who are at university and will help out with shopping, travel costs back home (and lifts!) and other sundries as and when I can.

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In an extreme situation such as that my family would have given me money without question but never loaned it. Mind you I would still feel bad even if not my fault.

Most people though aren't talking about unexpected events but normal things such as housing and cars which I would never expect anyone to pay for me other than an emergency. It's the way I've been brought up

It's probably a lot to do with your age too (sorry!) in that you are of a generation that would very likely be better off than both heir parents and their children.

My parents paid for driving lessons, they also let me live at home rent free after uni and gave me some money towards the deposit on my first home.

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

It's probably a lot to do with your age too (sorry!) in that you are of a generation that would very likely be better off than both heir parents and their children.

My parents paid for driving lessons, they also let me live at home rent free after uni and gave me some money towards the deposit on my first home.

Only to a point as there are definately others who are my age or older who have been helped by parents. I think its more of an income thing. As soon as I started work at 17 I gave board money and it made a huge difference to family finances

Pollycat

PasturesNew wrote: »

Nobody's ever given me a bean.

Me neither, PasturesNew.

I was the eldest of 3, no spare money for me apart from the necessaries (school uniform etc).

Left school, got a good job, left home to get married.
Me & OH paid for pretty much all of the (very small in comparison to other girls in my circle) wedding and reception.

OTOH, my much younger sister has been bailed out by our parents many times.

I've actually loaned my parents a small amount of money when they were struggling financially.

pollypenny

I find it interesting that posters say they helped children when in uni. As far as I'm concerned until graduation kids are still dependent on the parents.

Mine were students in the days of grants, for which neither qualified because of parental income. This meant we supported them.

greensalad

Baby_Angel wrote: »

This is how it works in our culture. But somehow me and OH seems to have totally missed out.

This is exactly what I feel like. My great Grandma gave £2000 to my parents when they were first married to buy their first house (1990, I expect that would have been a very good chunk of the deposit).

When I spoke to my Dad about how difficult it was to save for a deposit in the current day and age he sneered and said "well we never got given any help". I told him I knew he did and he denied it, but my Mum is adamant that it happened (it was her grandma).

Seems rather a common feature of those entering adulthood in the 80s I think...

I guess if anything it hasn't necessarily turned out for the worst. I'm independent, and I know that there is nobody looking out for me except myself. I know I don't have anything but myself to fall back on. I wouldn't consider my parents giving me a penny so if they ever do it'll be a nice surprise.

silvercar

pollypenny wrote: »

I find it interesting that posters say they helped children when in uni. As far as I'm concerned until graduation kids are still dependent on the parents.

Glad I'm not the only one.

Even the government assumes that parents with a relatively modest income will support their offspring through university.

Also my children know that they are always welcome to live at home as long as they want/ need to.

FBaby

My intention to help my children will be similar to my parents, ie. it will only happen if they fall on bad times through no fault of theirs.

My parents would have been able afford to give me anything, but as a matter of principle never did and I am so glad as there is nothing like getting something you deserve and work hard for to truly enjoy its worth.

When I bought my first house, at the age of 30, it meant everything to me, part of it because of the comfort of having my own place, but much more importantly because it was the evidence of the rewards of my investments.

I would feel that I was punishing my children and taking something away from them if I didn't allow them to go through that same process. However, I wouldn't think twice helping them if something unexpected fell upon them.

greensalad

silvercar wrote: »

Glad I'm not the only one.

Even the government assumes that parents with a relatively modest income will support their offspring through university.

Also my children know that they are always welcome to live at home as long as they want/ need to.

But are they really dependent still? They're adults after all.

Not necessarily disagreeing with you (I'd have LOVED to have parents like you) but most parents I know don't seem to consider university something they should have anything to do with. I know I didn't, and was expected to go it alone, and one of the driving factors behind working so hard was realising I'd be homeless come graduation!